—–
Previously,

“Shh, shh, it’s okay, its all gonna be alright. You are not going to lose me, we’ll be really great friends.” Carmen grew quiet in the comforting hug. The familiar rub on her back helped ease off the tension. Jenny kneeled up on the sofa to make both of them more comfortable in the embrace. They rocked together silently.

So absorbed in the moment, they did not hear Shane coming through the door. Shane stared at the sight in the living room, of Jenny kneeling on the couch, hugging and rocking Carmen who had her head nestled in her chest, her hands going up and down her back in a reassuring movement. Stunned, the keys in Shane’s hands slided down and landed on the floor with a ‘thub’, startling all three of them. Jenny shot a look up, setting her wide eyes on the intruder; Carmen looked over, but turned away immediately, not able to face anyone at the moment. Shane just stood there, open-jawed and staring, trying to comprehend what was going on.

Move Shane, move, get out of here. Shane made a mental plea to herself, not trusting herself to handle the situation now.
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“I’m… I’m sorry, I will come back later.” Shane turned abruptly, hoping to disappear as quick as possible. She knew she never stood a chance. Being as fucked-up as she had been. This was definietly the ending eveyone wants, her just deserts. Carmen would be happy, she made the right choice. She was screwed up to even think otherwise, but yet, she couldn’t help the tears building up in her eyes, threatening to explode out. Shane hoped to run away from this all. Unable to make this tug in her heart go away, she chosed to run again.

“Wait, Shane…” Jenny shouted out. Shane stopped at the door, grabbing the handle for support, not trusting her legs to give her the leavage. She wanted so much to run as fast as she could, but her legs were too weak to move. It hurts, hurst really bad to see Jenny and Carmen. But she could deal with it, she dealed with it then, she could deal with it now.

“SHane, come in here.” Jenny said gently as she softly pushed Carmen out of her embrace. She stared into Carmen’s eyes, giving her a reassuring but sad smile, as if to say, ‘I know your heart, and it is not with me’. Carmen looked through her tears sadly from Jenny to the vulnerable back standing at the doorway.

Jenny Saw the longing in Carmen’s eyes, and smiled sadly again. She got down from the couch and gathered her books and bag, watching as Carmen closed her eyes and leaned back on the couch, while Shane fidgeted at the doorway. She walked up beside Shane, and gave her a reassuring pat on the shoulder.

“It’s okay, Shane…” Jenny whispered carefully, holding Shane’s cheeks up to look into her eyes. She smiled again, somewhat forcefully, and gave a little peck on Shane’s cheek. Her free hand running into Shane’s hair, as if giving her the power to go forth and conquer. Then she gave Shane a little push into the house and shuts the door behind her.

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As Jenny turned around to face the quiet street, orangy because of the setting sun, she breathed in and exhaled exaggeratingly. But she couldn’t help the tears welling up in her eyes. She took a step forward, testing the ground as if it would turn to liquid sand and consume her, realising that it was still solid, she quick stepped her way to her car. As she reached it, she fumbled around to find her keys. But it was no where to be found.

“Oh, *****… ***** ***** *****.” Jenny rememebered dropping everything, including her keys in her rush to comfort the sobbing Carmen, and now, she retrieved everything except her keys. “Goddamn piece of *****.” She pounded her fist on the top of her car bonnet, tears surging loose uncontrolably down her cheeks. She glanced at the house, contemplating going back to retrieve the keys. Bt as soon as she thought of what might be happening inside, she succumbed to a fresh wave of sobs, her knees grew weak and she stumbled onto the driveway. NOt wanting to let Shane or Carmen see through her ‘strong’ facade, she crawled to the far end of the car that was hidden from the view of the house, and buried her head into her hands, letting loose all the anguish and the desperation that had built up for so long.

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As Jenny left the house, Shane’s knees couldn’t hold her up any longer and she fell onto the floor, leaning against the door for support and comfort. One knee probbed up, she rested her forearm on it and proceeded to wipe the tears away with the back of her hands. SHe peeked through her fingers and found that Carmen had curled herself up in the couch, hair messed up and makeup all smudged. She wanted so much to walk over and put her arms around Carmen, comfort her and kiss her silly, but her head was spinning too hard to do anything. Suddenly, they heard a loud ‘thump’ of a car bonnet and both looked up startled. In that instance, Shane and Carmen locked gaze, the commotion outside completely forgotten.

Shane sat there staring at Carmen for what seemed like many eternities. wanting so desperatedly to hold her, and promise her all the things she needed. But… she fought the urge. Shane shrugged inwardly to herself, who was she kidding, she couldn’t even promise herself anything, how could she take responsibility for someone else. Willing herself to move, Shane rose slowly, fighting the urge to run again.

“I am strong, I can handle this…” Shane mumbled to herself as she reached the armchair and plonked herself down.

“What?” Carmen inquired, barely a whisper, voice hoarse from the earlier sobbing.

“Nah’in…” Shane brushed it away, her defenses on full gear immediately, she was vulnerable now, and she didn’t like it one bit. It pissed her off so much to have both Carmen and Jenny see her tears. So until she calmed down enough, she sure as ***** wasn’t gonna speak again. She definitely cannot afford the stress.

And Carmen knew that, just like Jenny knew Carmen, Carmen knew Shane. Was it a love thing? Carmen shook her head. She was staring to comprehend what Jenny was talking about. No matter how much she denied it, no matter how much she chose to ignore it. It was there, at a lttle corner in a really well-hidden place.

But there was still so much uncertainty. What did Shane feel? Shane Hadn’t said anything. *****, Shane was the one who didn’t want the relationship in the first place. But… she needed to know, needed to hear it from Shane. Maybe that was what they all needed. To hear what Shane had to say and move on with life. Together, seperately, but they needed to move on.

“We need to talk…” Carmen braced herself for what felt like the final showdown.

“Umph…” Shane murmured in reply, defiant like a little child. Carmen collapsed her head onto the couhc. In denial, great… Carmen rolled her eyes inwardly. It was always like this, Shane manages to piss her off everytime. Yet, there was no denying the feeling. The exasperation probably came from wanting to know her better, wanting to know where she came from. But Shane wasn’t gonna give her that, and that sucked.

“Talk to me, Shane!” Carmen exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air in a sign of defeat. She wanted to start out this conversation slow, but gave in to desperation. All she could think of now was to punch the daylights out of Shane, to vent all her fustrations, but she knew that wouldn’t help.

“What! what do’ya want me to say.” Shane shouted back with equal fustration. She made a move to escape the pressure, but decided to slump back down on the cushion instead. God knows running wasn’t going to help matters much. It pained her so much to see Carmen like that, eyes swollen from eons of crying, makeup smudged, hair all over. but she couldn’t afford to let her know that. Too much of her heart would be on the line.

“I’m… It… we *****.” Shane started, unsrue of how to continue. Carmen saw that little opening, taking it as a form of encouragement to prob further. She couldn’t let her heart go like she did with Jenny. She couldn’t jump too fast onto Shane, because Shane was guarded, unwilling to let anyone in.

“Shane, just listen to me then, okay?” Carmen asked haltingly. She looked for a sign to proceed and ot it when she saw Shane’s defiant eyes soften.

“I am as confused, if not more, then you are.” Carmen tried to find the right words. “We are in this fix right now, all three of us. And we need to recognise that.” Carmen paused, unsure of whether to continue. When Shane didn’t move or reply, she decided to go on, needing to get the words across to Shane. ” Jenny was the first to face up to the ***** we are in, and I think w need to as well.”

Shane mumbled again in reply, and slumped deeper into the cushions, arms defiantly crossed in front of her.

“You know as well as I do, there is something going on between us. I don’t know if that is love, but…” Carmen halted again, needing to find the right words, needing to know she didn’t scare Shane off, Shane was like a puppy now, vulnerable and scared.

“Look Carmen…” Shane sat up, as if to make a point. “I…” Shane was still unsure of what to say, Did she want to open her heart and allow herself to deal with hurt? or did she wan to continue to live in denial? Shane struggled with herself. ” I can’t deal with this right now.” In then end, denial took over and won.

“Deal with it, goddammit!” Carmen screamed, her fustration clouded over her common sense, logic lost to pent-up anger. Giving Shane her space gone into non-existence. Carmen Launched herself at Shane and slapped her hard on the arm. Stunned for a second, Shane slapped her back on the hollow of her shoulders. Hysteria took over and Carmen jumped on top of Shane, throwing punches and slaps onto Shane’s body.

All Shane could do was grab the hysterical Carmen and crushed her into her embrace, to ease the tension in the by now sobbing Carmen. The minute Shane had her armes around the back of Carmen, the undeniable magnet of Carmen’s lips led to her crushing her own onto it. Carmen kissed right back, almost as if to vent all her fustration into that one kiss. The rgency of the kiss caused both of them to forget everything, the anger, the fustration, even forget Jenny.

Pulling away to catch her breath, Carmen stared right into Shane’s eyes and immediatedly registered the fear as realisation set in. Shane Jumped up from under her and ran to her room, as if Carmen was an incurable disease or something.

“No… God, this is wrong.” Shane ran, stumbling in her haste to get to the solitude of her room. When she reached her room, Shane slammed the door hard and broke down, giving in to the tears freely, in the comfort of her own room. She held herslef at the waist, willing herself not to tumble on the floor, but failed and at last collapsed onto her carpet, letting everything go.

Carmen walked towards Shane’s bedroom. Wrong, it was all wrong. She kneedled outside the door. Letting the surges of tears take over her. She jumped at the wrong time, and probably lost her one chance with Shane. “Stupid, stupid arse! *****!” She let out under her breath. She had no idea what came over her. She handled this so wrong she was probably going to kick herself to her grave. She wanted so badly to knock and apologise to Shane, but the way things were, it would have been alot better if she didn’t

***** it… Carmen stood up and wiped away her tears, who was she trying to kid, she was as confused, Damn *****, Jenny was the only one with her head together. Carmen knew she needed to calm down to deal with all this. In her emotional state now, nothing would be solved. She walked defeatedly to the living room and collected her bag. The room was really silent adn she shivered at the coldness, when did Steve Tyler stop screaming? Probably long ago, she didn’t know. She took one last look around, resting her gaze at Shane’s room, trying to hold back a fresh build up of tears. She leaned at the doorway for a moment before stepping out into the driveway.

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Jenny’s car was still there? Carmen looked closely with concern, seeing that Jenny’s books and bag were thrown all over the driver side of the car.

“Oh god! Jenny…”