The first time I saw her again was in a caf in West Hollywood.
The area hadnt seemed to change that much, everything looked exactly the same, it was as if time had stood still in my absence.
I had thought of going to the planet for my morning coffee but had decided against it in the end. Too many memories, too many faces from the past that, Id rather avoid. Far, too much water, under the bridge.

Id never really been one to dwell on the past. I had always been the type of person who was so optimistic about the future.
My life now had structure it had shape, and Id never found any reason to look back anyway.

I made a right turn and drew the car up outside the caf with its large glass window.
I changed out of my flat shoes that I always wore when I drove, and put on a pair of heels.
I dont really know why I do that. I guess its just something Ive picked up over the years.
I walked over to the caf, for some unknown reason I was feeling a little nervous and uneasy. It was almost as if I could sense what had brought me here.
I walked over to the counter and ordered a latte. I could feel the prying eyes boring in to my back, without even having to look, I knew I was being checked out. It made me smile knowing that somethings never change.
There was an empty table over by the window, so I slowly sauntered over and made myself comfortable.
I ran my eyes around the place, glancing at all the faces, in this quiet little caf, knowing what they all were looking for, hoping for and wished someday that at least some of them would find it.
It was then that I saw Bette. Her eyes met mine, and she glanced down as if she didnt see me. I dont really know if she did or if she didnt.
I suddenly got to my feet and spun round and marched out, nearly knocking over a young girl.

Hey, *****. The young woman glared at me with steely eyes, waiting for a response.

Sorry. I didnt even look at her. I just carried on towards my car.

Ten years Id spent trying to avoid her, ten years checking every room, every function we had attended before entering, just in case she was there.
Id even eradicated places like museums and art galleries in big cities, just in case. LA and even the whole of California had been a no go area for many years.

You generally find though once you reach this age, people who you never thought youd see again, like old lovers, school friends, start to appear at parties or you meet them in the street or supermarkets, and you ask silly questions, that have no baring of your acquaintance with this person what so ever. What is it that we are trying to avoid?

All your memories start to come back, all your old loves, and you tend to think about them in your dreams.
You begin to wonder what your life would be like now if you had stayed with that certain person. And how you would be someone other than you are now.
I remember the way she seemed to understand everything about me, how we would finish each, others sentences. How I felt when she kissed me, and that smile, how could I forget that beautiful smile, it would make you want to melt in to a puddle on the floor. And then you remember you are with someone else, and you feel guilty because you feel you are being unfaithful to your wife. But its only a dream, right? Besides, we were together, before she and I met, how can, it be so wrong?
I remember when her hands would be all over my body, her nails dragging in to my skin.
If I had stayed, who knows maybe my life would have been better with her.

I remember once going on a school trip. One of the mothers met up with one of the fathers, they had been lovers years before.
She remembers how handsome and cute he used to be, she doesnt see that hes now fat and balding.
And he sees her exactly the same way he did when they were, Twenty Three.
Why do you tend see your old selves, when you look at your old lovers?

Its been ten years since Bette and I split up, but she has never gone away. She has never left me not really. Shell be watching my every move, every action. She happens to appear in the strangest of places and at the strangest of times.
Like when I am making love with my wife, shell be stroking my *****, and kissing my neck, coming between us, helping me to get my suit on in a morning and getting me out of it at night.

Damn you Bette.



Why now? I whisper. Why now, when for ten years I have kept away from you, why now?








TBC>>>>>>>>>>