Chapter 104

Tina walked over to Alice. “So Al – do you have something you want to say to me?”

“Gee no Tina – I have something I want to say to the wife!” Alice smiled an evil smile and glanced over at Bette.

“Alice – DEAR…let me tell you something….I’m not going to sit back and watch you pick on THE WIFE! Got it?”

“Oh…yeah sure Tina…I’m SOOOOOOOOOOO scared!”

“You should be…listen to this warning….and really listen…..NO PICKING ON THE WIFE! GOT IT? Or else you’ll pay in spades!”

“What’s with you two? You’re like an old married couple…..oh wait….no ….that’s right….I seem to remember someone saying something like – ‘***** me baby’…..so I take it all back …..you two are just so…..”

“Listen Alice – we know you heard everything…you’re just jealous aren’t you? You wish you had a ***** life like ours – DON’T YOU!?”

“I do have a ***** life like….” Alice’s voice trailed off as she realized she had just given Tina a good amount of ammo to fire back at her.

“Oh really…well that’s not what Dana says…she says the two of you are actually pretty damn….”

“Ok…UNCLE…you know it’s not like I was going to make an announcement to everyone or anything.”

“OH REALLY!? I don’t believe you Alice…..you have a BIG MOUTH!”

“Pardon moi?”

“You heard me! Listen – no picking on Bette ok?” Tina’s voice was suddenly softer – coming from a place of concern for Bette.

“Is there something wrong with her. If there is you’d never know from the way she had you going before….”

Tina glared at Alice. Alice threw her hands into the air. “Ok…ok…I’ll shut up…Jeez! Nobody seems to have any sense of humor these days. God!”

“Should we get on with the party Al?”

“Well you two are party animals….ahhhhh….yeah…let’s move on with this shower …fine….” Alice glanced over at Bette just as Bette looked over at her. Alice mouthed to Bette. “***** me baby…come on ***** me!”

Bette felt her temper flare. She walked toward Alice but was intercepted by Tina. “Baby….nope…not this time…no physical violence ok? You can’t get involved in that stuff right now ok?”

Bette glared at Alice. “Yeah T…you’re so right….ok…yeah ….not now.”

Alice looked puzzled. She stared at Bette. “What the ***** yuppie? What the ***** is this? What’s going on? Hey…you’re my sparring partner. Come on. How about a little DIP in the pool?”

Bette felt her temper flaring again. She looked at Tina and then went charging at Alice sending both of them flying into the pool.”

“Now THAT’S the Bette Porter Yuppie I know and love.” Alice threw her arms around Bette and gave her a kiss.

“Oh God…please hippie…contain yourself…the wife’s watching…..jeez!” Bette glanced up at an extremely unhappy Tina.

“Bette…will you please get out of the pool and join me in the bedroom?”

“Oooooh..yuppie….she’s taking you into the bedroom. Don’t forget to take the baby monitor with you so we can all hear what you’re doing.”

Bette looked at Alice…holding back a laugh. “Shut the ***** up hippie. Please just shut up.” Bette climbed out of the pool. Tina threw a towel around her.

“Come on Baby…let’s go dry you off.” They walked into the house and into their bedroom.

Tina looked at Bette and smiled. She looked so damn ***** all dripping wet. She walked up to Bette and put her arms over her shoulders. She whispered to Bette. “Baby….you are so ***** when you’re ALL WET!”

Bette looked into Tina’s eyes. “Oh really…you think this is my ***** look huh? This isn’t quite the TYPE of wet I was thinking about …well…you know…”

“Yeah Babe…I know what you mean….” Tina kissed Bette gently on the lips. “You know – you really need to knock off this rough and tumble thing you have going on with Alice….don’t you?”

“Ummmm….yeah….but….she started it!”

Tina smiled at Bette again. She thought to herself. ‘Yeah…five kids….I’m gonna have five kids….four cute little ones…and this incredibly ***** big kid in my arms.’

“Why are you smiling T?”

“I’m just thinking about when the other twins are born….that’s all….”

“Yeah…a house full of kids….”

“Yeah Baby…a house FULL of kids….” Tina let out a giggle.

“What?” Bette smiled at Tina.

“You are so damn cute….I love you.” Tina pulled Bette’s face toward hers and kissed her again. “A house totally full of kids! We better get you changed and get back out there Baby….people are going to wonder what we’re doing.”

“Ah…T…somehow I think that when we disappear for awhile our friends know exactly what we’re doing..” Bette kissed Tina. “We’re getting quite a reputation you know. It’s a good thing we’re lesbians or we’d probably have twenty kids by now.” Bette winked at Tina.

“Oh…THANK GOD we’re lesbians Bette! My God…..you know straight people do practice birth control and some self restraint….which is more than I can say for us!”

“You don’t think we can STOP ANY TIME WE WANT TO? I know I can….or maybe I’m in denial.”

“Stop…kiss me Sweetheart.” Tina leaned in and kissed Bette again.

Bette looked at Tina and grinned. “Where did that come from?”

“What Babe?”

“Sweetheart.”

“What?”

“Tina…get with the program here…you never call me Sweetheart.”

“I guess I do now….it just slipped out. You have a problem with it Porter?”

“No …not at all….apple dumpling!”

“Oh God Bette – we’re starting to sound like Ozzie and Harriet or some other old married couple. No – we have to stop…please make it stop.”

Bette began laughing. “So you don’t like apple dumpling huh?”

“Ahhhh…..NO!”

“Ok…let’s see……hmmmmmmmm…..how about I just call you T….and promise to love you and cherish you forever. And I also promise to use only previously used and approved pet names….how’s that?”

“Perfect!!! Let’s get some dry clothes on you….and get back out there, make the announcement and toss them all out….what do ya say SWEETHEART?” Tina smiled a broad smile at Bette.

“Ingenius plan there Kennard!”

Bette put on dry clothes – which proved to be a difficult task given Tina helped her with the entire process…touching her in all the right places…fiddling around with PERT and SASSY…making Bette squirm – almost to the point of forgetting that they had company waiting outside.

“Tina?”

“Yeah Babe?”

“I’m going to make love to you after everyone leaves…..and I’m going to make it last for hours…..”

“Hours huh?”

“Yup – hours…..come here and kiss me….” Tina kissed Bette – Tina’s knees buckled – and she thought she’d die.

“God Bette…let’s just tell them you’re pregnant with twins, you’re tired , gee thanks for the gifts, now get the ***** out of our house….we have things to do….”

“Tina…I think it might be nice to actually still have friends when we have four children under the aga of one…don’t you? Let’s not piss them off- ok?”

“Oh alright….you’re right…..let’s get out there….but please…try not to touch me again until everyone leaves because I won’t be able to resist you and I might just have to do you right then and there.”

“Now that sounds like something Alice would really enjoy….so there is no way in ***** we can let that happen T…no way.”


They went back outside to the party. Kit and Jackie were each holding one of the babies. Bette walked up to Jackie and took Dylan from her and Tina took Taylor from Kit. They all sat down and spent some time opening gifts. They got Pampers, onsies, blankets, comforters, toys and, from Tim, a swing set. Bette saw that and once again the little kid in her took over. “Oh my God – thank you Tim – I hope you’re going to help put this thing up….really soon”

“Sure…how about tomorrow….I’ll get Amanda’s son Michael to help me….and Mary Grace can interpret the instructions and supervise.”

“I see you’ve learned your lesson about this type of thing. It’s best to have Mary Grace there right from the beginning – then maybe it won’t take all day to build!” Bette winked at Tim.

Tim smiled. “My thoughts exactly!”

By the time they were done opening presents — it was beginning to approach sunset. Everyone was relaxing by the pool with drinks – enjoying quiet convesation. Bette glanced over at Tina and Tina nodded to her – the signal that now was the time to drop the bomb. Tina quickly walked over to Jenny and removed Dylan from her arms. Bette walked over to Tim and took Taylor from him.

Bette asked for everyone’s attention. “Ok you guys…we really want to thank all of you for the shower and the great baby gifts. Everything is just perfect. Which just proves that having the shower after the baby arrives can have some positive results.” Tina looked at Bette and raised her eyebrow as if to say, ‘Jeez Baby…nothing quite like acting like you’re on the lecture circiut…get on with it so we can throw their sorry asses out of here and move on to the GOOD stuff!’

Bette continued. “So anyway…we have a little announcement to make. Ummmmm…..I’ve been really tired lately…some of you may have noticed…..ahhhhhh….well…..since you’re all our best friends…we want you to know something…….” Tina looked at Bette – she knew that if the news was ever going to be spoken she’d have to do it.

Tina scanned the room. “So anyway…we want all of you to know that Bette is pregnant.”

Alice’s eyes flew open wide as her mouth dropped open. She burst out laughing. “You’re not ***** serious are you?”

Tina looked at Alice. “Dead serious Al. Bette IS pregnant.”

Everyone else – with the exception of Jackie and Shane appeared to be in shock – unable to utter a sound.

Shane offered her congratulations. “WE’RE ALL really happy for you – RIGHT guys?” Noone said a word…..

Tina giggled. “Now that you all took that news so well…we have something else to tell you.”

Alice stared at Bette and Tina. “You can’t possibly top this…are you two nuts? Three infants at the same time?”

Tina looked at Alice “Ummmm…well…. no not exactly.”

Bette couldn’t keep it to herself any longer. “I’m going to have twins!”

Alice was still the only one who seemed to be able to find the ability to speak. “God – you guys do ***** like bunnies – don’t you.”

Tina and Bette both shot her a look – the way you might look at someone who is insane. Bette couldn’t resist. “Alice….think about what you just said! Do you know where babies come from – I mean the basic biology of the whole process? Yes – we ***** like bunnies so therefore we have been blessed with two sets of twins! Yup – that’s it – Tina got me pregnant….that was going to be the third announcement of the evening! And the crew from 20/20 is on it’s way over to film a story about the fact that Tina got me pregnant. Sometimes I wonder about you Alice – all that weed must be killing off your brain cells!”

Shane smiled at Tina and Bette. “Oh my God you two – another set of twins – oh my God! Awesome!!!

Kit finally managed to make a sound. “Oh my God – two more babies ….I’m so happy for the two of you.” Kit made her way overr to Bette and Tina and gave each of them a kiss. “Does Melvin know?”

Bette looked at Kit and shook her head no.

“Melvin is going to ***** in his pants this time.” Kit couldn’t help but laugh. “Four babies Baby girl – how are you going to manage that?”

“We just will – I guess…..we’ll just manage…we’ll be fine….and mom’s here to help so that makes it easier.”

Tim finally spoke. “Congratulations you two – this is great…..I’m going to go get a bigger swing set!”

Dana just looked like she was never going to snap out of it or speak again. Finally she managed to congratulate them. “You guys are really blessed – I guess….or maybe just out of your minds…..I’m not sure which….”

Jenny completed the comments on the subject. “*****…isn’t that like a million diaper changes a year? Better you than me…but I am happy for you two, FOUR OF THEM – *****!”

At that moment the babies began fussing…..and Bette YAWNED – obviously for the benefit of her audience. “So – thank you all for coming…if you want to hang here you can…but we need to go feed the babies and I’m so tired – I need to call it a night after that.”

Alice looked at Bette and shook her head. “So you guys are going to have a fuckathon tonight huh?”

Bette looked at Alice. “Did you hear me say that we were having a FUCKATHON… as you so beautifully described it?”

“Well – no….but…”

“Ok hippie – just SHUT UP and Tina won’t be forced to hurt you.”

“Anyway – we have things to tend to inside….so please make yourselves at home and above all – please give us our privacy.” Tina was attempting to be the adult in the conversation. “Anyway – thank you everyone – and goodnight!”

Bette and Tina left hand in hand – each holding a crying baby. As they made their way to the bedroom – they passed Jackie in the doorway.

“Enjoy yourselve tonight….Bette…the bedroom is all set!”

“Thank you mom!” Bette gave Jackie a kiss. Tina also gave Jackie a kiss. Off they went into the bedroom.

Tina’s face lit up as she walked through the door. “Oh my God Baby….the room is so beautiful.” Candles were burning everywhere…the bed was freshly made and just waiting for them to mess up the sheets.

“Not even close to being as beautiful as you T. Tonight is your night!”

“I adore you Bette…..”

“Hey T…I got us new robes. Here take your clothes off and put yours on.” Bette held both babies while Tina changed. Then it was Bette’s turn to change while Tina held the babies. They took a quick trip to the nursery to change the babies and then went back to the bedroom.

They crawled into bed with the babies. Bette held Tina and Taylor while she fed Dylan. Then they switched babies…..

“Hey T…?” Bette spoke in a whisper.

“What Babe…..”

“I love you Tina…I’m going to make love to you tonight until you beg me to stop.”

“Promise?”

“Promise T….I promise….”

TBC