“Bette, I’m home.”

After hearing no response Tina wandered through the house to find it empty of Bette and Angelica. As she stood in the bedroom changing out of her work clothes into casual yoga pants and tee shirt she heard the sounds of someone sobbing through the window out by the pool. Tina quickly finished changing, slipped on her flip-flops and went out by pool and found Bette crying while sitting on one of the lounge chairs with her face in her hands.

“What’s wrong, where’s Angelica did something happen to Angelica?” Tina asked frantically.

“Angelica is fine. Kit wanted to look after her this afternoon so I left her at The Planet. She’s bringing her back around 7.”

“Why are you crying?”

“Well, I was sitting here alone and without Angelica in my arms I realized how empty every other aspect of my life has become. I know I said I wasn’t unhappy about you not being ready to resume the physical part of our relationship Tina, but it’s not working for me and it’s not just the lack of physical contact you’ve withdrawn from me emotionally as well. I feel as though I’m walking on eggshells, we don’t talk anymore we fight I think of you and refer to you as my life partner and all I get back from you on that front is silence. I try to tell you my fears and you fall asleep on me. I don’t know what I am to you anymore. I have no control over my life, no certainty not even in the one area that I always could rely on my work. To top it all off I don’t even know if the adoption will go through and after how poorly those visits went with the Social Worker. I’m scared that if I’m not Angelica’s legal mother then I’ll have nothing. That’s why I’m crying.”

Tina stood there and heard what Bette was saying her words and her tears finally reached inside and started to break the cold fa&#231ade she had found herself wearing around Bette. She couldn’t deny Bette’s truths, she had given Bette plenty of excuses but the truth was that she had withdrawn emotionally and physically from Bette. She had seen Bette’s need for her and ignored and disregarded it. Tina felt that she was doing what was best for Angelica a home with two parents who loved and adored her and the fact that Bette also had needs wasn’t something Tina could to deal with. Tina and Bette had fallen into old patterns making Bette unhappy and Tina distant.

Tina hadn’t anticipated this when she made the decision to get back together with Bette she really didn’t know how the whole experience of being pregnant, giving birth and being a mother would change her. When Tina decided to move back home she hadn’t been in the best frame of mind to really make the decision to be a full partner to Bette she was 9 months pregnant and about to give birth she thought she wanted to move back home and have a home with Bette.

Tina never made a conscious decision to be cruel to Bette. She had thought she was over the hurt of Bette’s affair with the carpenter when clearly she wasn’t but it wasn’t just Bette’s past infidelity or desire to control how Angelica was attachment parented or their financial situation that was weighing on Tina’s mind and causing her to withdraw from Bette. By not wanting to hurt Bette with the truth of some of the things Tina had been feeling since she had given birth and approached her mid 30s she had hurt Bette nonetheless. Tina had always dated men until Bette, but after she became Bette’s girlfriend and life partner she had considered herself a lesbian. Now she wasn’t so sure, she was having feelings for men, sexual desire for men and one man at work in particular, a very cute guy named Josh.

Tina went and sat in the chair next to Bette’s.

“Bette you’re right I haven’t been open and honest with you physically and emotionally and that was not what I intended when I made the decision to raise Angelica with you and have home together. There’s something I have to tell you something I didn’t want to believe and then I thought would go away and then I tried to deny and bury but I can’t deny it anymore because not telling you is hurting you just as much as the truth is going to hurt.”

“What truth could hurt more than what you’ve put me through for the past 6 months Tina?”

“Well, I don’t know if it’s a temporary thing because of the hormones from being pregnant and having a baby or if something in me has changed, I think I was denial about it at first and then I just kept trying to bury some things I’ve been feeling and I didn’t want hurt your feelings.”

“Tina for the love of God please tell me what you’ve been feeling that you’re so afraid will hurt my feelings, if you don’t want to be with anymore or don’t love me anymore just tell me in plain, straight forward English because I’ve made it perfectly clear that I want to be with you.”

“Bette it’s not that I don’t love you or don’t want us to raise Angelica together it’s just that I’ve been having these feelings for men.”

“What kinds of feelings?” Bette couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Bette had had many a sleepless night about the state of her life and their relationship and had worried and wondered about the possible causes but the M word really threw Bette for a loop.

“Sexual feelings, I tried to ignore them, but there’s someone at work that..”

“Have you not been sleeping with me so you can fuck some guy at work?” Bette was getting angry all the sadness she felt about being rejected started turning into anger.

“No, Bette, how could even think that I would cheat on you after what happened with Candace, I would never cheat on you”

“No you would rather lie to me and reject me and shut down on me and push me away so that when there was absolutely nothing left of our relationship and you had passively aggressively forced me to be the bad guy and leave you could go back to men without a guilty conscious.”

“Bette that’s not fair, I don’t even know that I want to go back to men, I don’t know what this is about.”

“Well maybe you should find out.”

“You want me to try sleeping with a man?”

“If that’s what you need to do to figure out what you want but I can’t guarantee I’ll still be around”

Bette shook her head and tried to stop the visual images of Tina sleeping with a man because she really wasn’t sure she would be able to take Tina back if she slept with a man. It had been hard enough for Bette to accept Tina had slept with Helena and wanted to date them both at the same time. Bette knew she had been unfaithful to Tina but to Bette sleeping with a man was a whole other level of unfaithful or a lower ring of hell.

“Bette, I don’t want to do that to you or to us.”

Just then the Auntie Kit came into the back with Angelica.

“Hey baby sis, I see your better half his come home.”

Both Tina and Bette winced.

Kit had no idea what she had just walked in on but judging by Bette’s body language, puffy eyes and the fact they were sitting in separate chairs, it wasn’t good.

“Hi Kit.” Tina and Bette said in unison, which gave them a reason to crack half a smile. Then they both spoke at the same time again. “Thanks for watching little Angel,” said Bette. “Do you want to stay for dinner?” Asked Tina.

“Sure Bette, no problem. Tina, I appreciate the offer but I’d better get back to work who knows what that Billie Blaikie has done while I was off with my Foxy Brown niece.”

Bette took Angie and gave her a bath while Tina went into the kitchen to make dinner. Angelica was fed and put to sleep and so were Momma B and Momma T. For the fist time in ages Tina was to the one looking at Bette’s back.

“Bette no matter what Roberta Collie says you are Angelica’s mother nothing will change that in my eyes.”

“Really?” Bette asked with disbelief in her voice.

“Bette, she isn’t the last word on whether or not you get to adopt Angelica we can always appeal her decision and no matter what Angelica’s birth certificate says you are also her parent.”

“But what if we aren’t together, how many suburban husband’s want their wife’s ex wife to come by and take the kid for the weekend.”

“Bette, I said I’m having feelings for a man, I didn’t say that I acted on them or will act on them and you already have me married to a Republican and living in the suburbs.” Tina said this last bit in a joking manner trying to lighten the mood a bit.

“I love Angelica so much Tina.”

“I know Babe and I promise that you’ll always be in her life no matter what happens with us.”

“What is happening with us T? Is there an us?”

“I hope so babe. I didn’t tell you what I was going through because I don’t want to be going through it, I don’t want to have feelings for anyone but you.”

“Is that the truth?” Bette turned over so she could look into Tina’s eyes.

“Yes, I don’t know what has happened to me, I think I was shutting you out to protect you, I know that sounds crazy, but I’ve been a lesbian long enough to know that no lesbian wants to be told that her partner is having sexual desire for a man.”

“Is it serious?”

“No, I think it’s just a crush, but it scares me.”

“Do you still love me?”

“Yes, I’ve never stopped loving you, I don’t think I’m capable of not loving you.”

“Am I still attractive to you?”

“You’re beautiful Bette.”

“Do you miss touching me here?” Bette ran her finger along her lips.

“Do you miss touching me here?” Bette put her fingers over her breast and squeezed.

“Do you miss touching me here?” Bette pulled back the covers and rubbed her hand along her center over her pajama bottoms.

Tina unconsciously licked her lips.

“Because I miss having you touch me Tina just as much I miss touching you. I’m starved for your touch Tina. I can’t sleep night after night in a bed with you not knowing if I’ll ever feel you inside of me again not knowing if I’ll ever taste you again. I want your soft lips against mine, your soft check rubbing against my cheek and if either of us ever gets chest hair long enough to curl around our fingers I expect it to get waxed off. I’m willing to try and be patient for a while longer but I am saying that I need a full partner, a partner who doesn’t recoil from my touch, I need a partner who welcomes my touch here, here and here.” Bette’s fingers repeated the journey from her lips to her breast to her crotch.

Tina finally realized that shutting herself off from Bette sexually was not the way to make certain other feelings go away. Bette looked so incredibly vulnerable and hot right now to Tina that she wanted to capture those lips in hers, her breasts in her hands and for the first time in a long time if she wondered if someone else was wet and it had nothing to do with needing a diaper change.

Tina reached out and lightly ran her finger along Bette’s lips and said, “come here.”

Bette hesitated. Their problems were not something a simple “come here” could fix.

“Bette, I know we have a lot to work out and I have a lot to work out, but feeling guilty and denying you and me this out of guilt over my feelings and anger over what you have done in the past or a decision you’ve made certainly hasn’t helped matters. I’m sorry Bette. I’m sorry I shut you out, I should have been honest with you and I’m going to be more honest with you starting right now. I am so wet for you and I want you to feel how wet I am.”

Tina reached out and took Bette’s hand and placed it under the blanket, under, under her sleep shorts and under her underwear.

“Well T you certainly are being honest with me and I can appreciate that I kind of honesty.”

Bette pulled her hand out of Tina’s shorts and put her finger into her mouth and savored the taste.

Tina leaned in and kissed Bette and god did it feel good. For a brief moment she thought about Josh and wondered if he was a good kisser, he had good lips for kissing, but when she felt Bette’s tongue snaking its way into to her mouth thoughts of her coworker flew out of her head and her body responded to the touch of Bette’s tongue, and fingers that were making their way under her shirt to the sensitive skin of her breasts.

“Bette let me take care of you.”

“Tina let’s take care of each other.”

“Okay.”

Tank tops and sleep wear were discarded, Angelica was moved safely out of the bed without waking and then Bette and Tina were naked in the moonlight that was steaming through the window. Lips and tongues got reacquainted with mouths, lips, necks, ears and nipples while hearts were beating quickly rapidly sending blood where it was needed most. Tina was on top of Bette grinding into her and running the tip of her tongue along the inside of Bette’s mouth.

“Bette can you tell l how wet I am.”

Bette was having a hard time thinking coherently. It had been a long time since Tina had touched her and she was on sensory overload, the feeling of Tina’s clit on hers was rapidly sending her over the edge.

“I want to taste you T.” Bette managed to get out.

“Okay babe, whatever you want.”

Tina changed her position so she was straddling Bette’s face and then she leaned down and started exploring Bette’s clit with her tongue. Just then she felt Bette’s tongue entering her and they both moaned.

“Bette your tongue feels so fucking good.” Tina encouraged and then went back to taking care of Bette. How could it be that she forgot how good Bette tasted? As much as Bette was enjoying the sensation of having Tina’s tongue roaming around she opened her legs wider sending Tina the message that there were other places she needed to be. Tina entered Bette with two fingers, Bette’s magical tongue was greedily sending Tina on a first class trip to orgasmville and Tina didn’t want Bette to go there coach.