Previously…

“I can’t do this,” I whispered, choking on the lump in my throat. “I should have been here, I shouldn’t have just run away… I don’t know if I can see her…”

“This isn’t your fault, Tina,” Alice told me, cutting off my insecure rambling.

“I know,” I said, looking at the ground.

“But you have to go and see her,” Kit said. “The doctors said that your name was all she said when she was conscious, before the surgery. She needs you, Tina.”

A tear rolled down my cheek and I wiped it away quickly, resolving to be strong. I took a deep breath and hugged each of the girls. “I’ll be back soon to tell you how she is,” I said as I followed the doctor down the hall.

* * * * * * * * * *

When we got to the room, the doctor stopped me outside. A nurse was walking by and he flagged her down. I fidgeted with my fingers, nervous and terrified and broken-hearted and confused all at the same time.

“Tina, this is Leslie,” the doctor said, introducing me to the nurse. “She’s been taking care of Bette for the last few hours. Leslie, this is Tina, Bette’s wife. She just got here and would like to see her.”

With that, the doctor left us alone. Leslie smiled sympathetically and took my arm, guiding me into Bette’s room. As we walked, she told me what I’d expect to see behind the curtain.

“She’s got some tubes and wires running in and out of her,” Leslie said in a soft voice, “but don’t be afraid, they’re all there to help her and monitor her vital signs.”

I nodded, a tear once again escaping my eye.

“Are you ready?” Leslie asked.

“Yeah,” I whispered almost inaudibly.

Leslie slowly rolled back the curtain and I gasped out loud when I saw Bette for the first time. Her face was battered and bruised, she had a bandage around her head, and a tube was running out of her mouth and into a machine. But, despite all of this, she was still the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen.

“Go ahead and talk to her,” Leslie coaxed softly. “She can hear your voice.”

I walked over to the bed and stood next to Bette, grabbing her hand instinctively and looking at her. The tears started to flow and I couldn’t stop them, so I let them drip onto Bette’s hospital gown. I swallowed hard, looking up at Leslie who was still in the room for moral support. She nodded, pushing me on.

“Bette,” I managed to say, my voice cracking as my lips formed the word I hadn’t spoken in months. “Baby, I’m here. You’re going to be just fine, okay? You are the strongest woman I know, and you can get through this. We will get through this… together.”

On the last word, my voice cracked again and the sobbing overtook me. I felt my knees buckle underneath me, but luckily Leslie was there to catch me before I collapsed. She pulled me back onto a chair and sat me down, bringing me a glass of water.

“It is very hard to see your loved one like this,” she said, reassuring me that others before me have had similar reactions, “especially someone that you share your life with.”

“We don’t… I haven’t… it’s, um, it’s complicated, with us,” I tried to explain.

“You don’t need to tell me about it,” Leslie said, quieting me. “Whatever’s in the past is in the past. Whatever you may think about the state of your relationship, the only thought on Bette’s mind when she first rolled in here was you, Tina. She obviously still loves you and cares about you, and I can see how much you care about her. So, try to put the past behind you and work on ways to get Bette better. That’s what’s most important here.”

“I know,” I whispered, nodding. “She is the most important thing to me. I shouldn’t have left. See, I’ve been living in San Marino for the past few months, we’ve been separated, and I was too stubborn to come back. But I should have. Seeing her here, lying there…”

“It’s okay,” Leslie said, soothing me with a soft pat of her hand.

We sat in silence for a moment as I looked down at Bette. She looked so helpless, so vulnerable, and I realized that this was the first time in eight years that I had ever seen her like this. She was always the strong one, she was always the one to hold me together and pick up the pieces after I had fallen. Now, she needed me, and I wasn’t sure how to be there for her.

“You still love her,” Leslie commented as she watched me.

I looked at her, trying to find a way to deny it. But I eventually nodded, dropping my head and wiping the tears from my eyes.

“Yeah,” I said, staring at Bette’s beautiful olive face. “I do. I never stopped. We just, we had a hard time, a falling out, and I didn’t think we could fix it. But nothing will ever keep me from being here again. As much as I’ve tried to deny it for the past few months, she is my entire life, and I don’t work without her. Isn’t it sad that it took her nearly dying for me to realize that?”

“No, not at all,” Leslie told me. “Most couples find that experiences like this bring them closer together, that they realize how much they really need each other in their lives. It’s very common, actually.”

“I just feel like I’ve wasted time being angry and selfish,” I said, baring my soul to Leslie while hoping that Bette could hear my regret as well. “I wanted to be mad at her forever for what she did. But we both did it, we both drove each other away. It’s not her fault, really. I left. I didn’t want to deal with it. And now, all this time that I’ve missed her and loved her and thought about her when I tried not to… I wish I could have that time back and tell her all of that.”

“I’m sure she knows, Tina,” Leslie said softly. “Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

“I just… I just love her so much,” I admitted, tears rolling down my cheeks once again. “I love her more than anything in the world, and I need her to be okay. I need her to wake up. Do you hear that, Bette? Wake up for me, baby. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. Please, Bette, please come back to me. I’m so sorry, for everything.”

I choked back the tears and placed a hand gently on her cheek. “I love you, Bette.”

I kissed her forehead softly, trying not to jar or disturb her, and sat back in my chair. I reached for a Kleenex and wiped the tears away, then looked up at Leslie. She had tears in her eyes as well, and as I handed her the box of Kleenex, I heard a soft but unmistakable noise from Bette’s bed. A noise I’ve heard many times but could never tire of, especially not now. It was soft, simple, and sweet, but I knew then that everything would be okay.

“T…”

(TBC…)