It had been years and she still couldn’t stop thinking about how things had spiraled out of control.  The joyride is never what it is meant to be after the ride is over, one always feels ill and disorientated. However, for her, she reeled and is still reeling from the disaster that she’d caused.

Now sitting and listening to all the music that she loved, tearing at the lyrics and realizing what she’d messed up.  She rues her youth and arrogance, how she let the one person she truly loved walk out of her life. She knew this as she uttered the words that brought tears to her lover and ended their relationship. She was feeling like Tina was slipping away and had lost interest in her. She was feeling left out in the cold and everyone had her time and attention accept for her. Though not many people who knew Bette knew about her rejection issues. Not from frivolous lovers by a long shot, but by family and the first two women she’d dated.

Her fathers’ distance and hard love, her mothers’ disappearance and of course her sister who’d made so many drunken promises and never kept any. Tina became her rock and taught her what unconditional love was.  Then she threw it all away, and at the time it made sense. ‘Leave before you are asked to leave’ was her thinking at the time. Now, she wishes she’d been her stubborn self, however her pride didn’t allow room for that.

After Bette had broken up with Tina she was hurting and wished she hadn’t done that. Tina on the other hand went all out and behaved like she’d been waiting for this for a long time. Hurt and confused, Bette withdrew from the social scene and became a recluse. Kit, her sister who’d just got back into her life was in disbelief. Yes, Bette has always been the strong, silent type but never withdrew from society. Kit tried to invite her out to her restaurant, knowing Bette’s’ love of good cuisine and company, but she lost most of the time.  On the nights she had her friends perform, she’d make excuses for Bette’s absence, which always earned her looks of disbelief. Everyone knew Bette’s love for Jazz.