Bette arrived home that night completely worn out. Her afternoon with Candace had drained her emotionally, and she didnt know if she could handle seeing Tina after today. Bette walked into the house glad to see that Tina was not home yet and she threw her stuff down and went to the bedroom to change. After she was done she became anxious about seeing Tina. Would she know? Has she already figured it out? Bette began cleaning the house, hoping it would take her mind off of Tina and Candace for the time being and vowed that she would talk to Tina tonight. She decided there was one other person she needed to talk to first so she grabbed her cell phone and walked back to the bedroom.

Bette was pacing back and forth with her cell phone pressed to her ear as she explained the events of today to her sister. One hand was holding the phone and the other was alternating between waiving in the air and running through her hair. Bette had called Kit because she needed some advice, but Kit was not being as sympathetic as last time.

NO KIT, I DIDNT DO ANYTHING WITH HER.

That is not the point and you know it.

Kit.I dont know what to do.

Bette I cannot believe after everything youve been through in the past few months that we are even having this conversation. Dont you learn from your mistakes?

I thought it was over Kit. I thought I had gotten past it.

Then why do you keep going back to her and bring her to private places? I dont get it Bette. What are you trying to accomplish here?

Bette sat down out of frustration and looked at the ground. Sometimes Kit can be a real pain in the *****, thought Bette as she tried to rationalize her feelings for Candace. Her voice softened and she suddenly remembered that Tina might have come home and she could be in the next room. Bette hoped that if Tina was, she didnt hear anything she was saying.

Kit, I cant explain it. You just dont understand.

I dont understand? What dont I understand? A totally inappropriate attraction to someone who you should not even have feelings for in the first place? An attraction to someone who suddenly makes you feel more alive than you have in your entire life but every bone in your body tells you they are the wrong person? An attraction to someone who makes you feel like you dont even know who you are anymore? Yeah Bette, I understand.

Bette had an idea about what Kit was talking about but she decided to let it go. She was about to start talking when Kit interrupted and lectured Bette in a way she never had before.

Look Bette, I dont know what the ***** is going on in that head of yours, but it has got to stop. I dont know why you are trying to ***** up a good thing, but if sincerely, and I mean truly deep down in your heart you believe that Tina is not the one for you and Candace can make you happier than I have seen in the last seven years then by all means go for it. But dont expect me or anyone else for that matter to understand what you are doing and why you are doing it. Im not saying you should force yourself to stay in the relationship with Tina if its truly making you unhappy, but you need to think long and hard about what you are talking about. And if in the end you want to be with Candace then I think you are making a ***** decision. Why would you want to be with someone who had the audacity to hit on you AFTER she knew you were taken? Playa or not, there are some lines you just dont cross. And if someone is taken its supposed to mean they are off limits. Your relationship with Tina and your whatever you want to call it with Candace are two separate things, and there is no correlation between them. Dont break Tinas heart because you have a sudden need to jump in bed with Candace. If you dont love her you need to let her know and handle that on your own FIRST, and then you can go and do whatever it is you want with HER.

Bette was growing more and more angry with every word and she could feel the hostility and rage coming out. She had all this pent up anger because of her indecisiveness about Candace and she decided to take it out on Kit, even though she knew she would regret it later.

***** you Kit.

***** me? Oh ***** no Bette. ***** you. ***** you for not having the balls to look yourself in the mirror and make a God damned decision.

Bette felt tears welling up in her eyes as she listened to her older sister and she knew deep down she was angry because Kit was right. Bette didnt have the courage to truly come clean with herself and make a decision about what she wanted. Kit started speaking again, and this time her voice was softer and Bette could tell Kit was not mad at her, she was just talking to her like this because she was trying to get through to her.

BettelookIm only saying these things because I am the only one who will. I am your sister and I love you, but this time I dont have any sympathy for your problems. When Tina first gave you another chance she told you to think long and hard about what you wanted, and I thought you had done that. But its obvious you just went for the quick solution, and maybe its because you thought things would just be better that way. But now that the honeymoon stage has worn off, again, youre seeing that you cant just run away from your problems. This thing with Candace is not going to go away unless you make up your mind to do something about it.

I know.

I just have one question for you Bette. Seriously.

What Kit? What else do you want to know?

Why do you always want what you cant have?

I dont know.

Bette didnt know what else to say and the tears that were flowing down here cheeks were preventing her from being able to speak. She hung up with Kit a few moments after that and she just sat and stared at the door, almost catatonic in her appearance. As she sat there millions of thoughts ran through her head.

What the ***** am I going to do? I love Tina so much, but did I really fall back in love with her? Or is this just out of convenience? Its the right thing to do, but sometimes thats not enough. And then theres Candace. Damn I wish I could talk to her right now. I hate that I am in this situation and I hate myself even more for not being happy with Tina.

Bette stood up slowly and walked to the bathroom. She splashed cold water on her face hoping to wash away the tears that she had shed a few minutes ago. As she stood there she stared at herself in the mirror and she couldnt even recognize the person she saw. With one last look at herself she turned and walked back to the living room. Tina had come home and was sitting on the couch reading a book and Bette took a moment to just stand there and admire her. She is so beautiful and so loving, I dont know what Im going to do without her. At that moment Tina looked up and noticed Bette standing in the hallway. She gave Bette a quizzical look followed by a warm smile.

Hey babe, what are you doing?

Bette didnt say anything as she walked over and sat down on the table right in front of Tina. She slowly took Tinas hands in hers and kissed them one by one. She raised her eyes to meet Tinas and felt the tears form in her eyes again as she began speaking.

Im sorry Tina. I love you so much, but Im so sorry.

Tina had a feeling she knew what Bette was talking about, but she just couldnt believe it. They had worked so hard these past few months to get their lives back. Tina felt her body tense as she just stared at Bette, not willing to believe that Bette was breaking her heart.

What are you talking about?

Bette felt the tears falling from her eyes but she couldnt do anything to stop them. She knew there was no easy way to say it, so she just decided to try and be as honest with Tina as possible.

T, Tina, I

As Bette struggled for words, Tina grew more and more upset. She yanked her hands from Bettes and stood up quickly moving towards the opposite side of the room. Anger and rage took over her body as she questioned Bette on her feelings.

How long Bette? How long did it take you to realize you still wanted to ***** her?

Bette couldnt answer Tinas questions and she looked down as Tina continued her verbal assault on Bette.

I mean really Bette. You said you wanted to work this out, that things had changed. Well congratulations you got me to fall for your bullshit again. LOOK AT ME BETTE. I cant believe after everything weve been through, after we already dealt with the Candace situation that you can do this to us. You know what, ***** that, I cant believe you can do this to me. I dont really care what you do to yourself.

Bette saw the pain and hurt in Tinas eyes and she wanted nothing more than to pull her into her arms again, but she couldnt move. Some part of her knew she needed this, and some part of her hated herself for it. Bette didnt know what to do, so she just sat there as Tina kept on yelling at her.

Did you sleep with her again Bette? Did you? You know, this explains a lot. Now I understand why you were so upset at the Provocations party. I cant believe you sat there and looked me in the eye and lied to me Bette. You ***** LIED TO ME and you didnt even think twice about it. I dont even know who you are anymore.

Bette let Tina finish before she started speaking. She knew everything she was going to say would sound like a lie, but it was the truth and she had to let Tina know how she felt.

Tina, I didnt sleep with her.

But you wanted to right?

Please, let me finish before you interrupt okay? To answer your question, I really dont know. I dont know what is going on. I dont know what I want and I dont know what changed. I do love you Tina, I do, but I dont know if Im still in love with you. I dont know anything anymore. Im not saying I want to be with Candace because I dont know if I do, but Im saying that being here with you, I dont knowit doesnt feel the same. Tina I dont know what the future holds for us, and I believe that some day there might be a future for us, but right now is not that time. This has nothing to do with Candace, this is about us. You and me.

Bette could see the pain mixed with anger in Tinas eyes and she could literally see her heart breaking as she continued talking.

Tina you are the only person I have ever loved and I love you so much that sometimes it hurts, but something deep down inside is telling me that I need to do this. I dont know if this is what I want and its not fair to keep you in this relationship. I need to figure things out on my own before I can be in any kind of relationship. I wake up in the morning scared that all this will fall apart and we will go back to how things were. Im scared that I will fall out of love with you and that I will hurt you again, and I dont want to do that. Tina I wasnt lying when I said I love you. Just because I dont know if I want to be with you doesnt mean that I want to be with Candace or anyone else. I know it sounds fucked up but its the truth. You asked me a long time ago to really think about what I want. And I just dont have an answer. Im sorry.

Tina was standing there staring at Bette like she wanted to rip her head off. She couldnt believe what Bette was saying and she couldnt believe she had been stupid enough to take her back after she found out she slept with Candace. Tina didnt know how Bette could feel like that and how she could hurt her so much with just her words.

Bette, you better be damn sure this is what you want, because this time Im not waiting around for you. This time Im not coming back.

Bette sat there looking at Tina with sadness in her eyes. She didnt have the words to verbalize what she wanted, after all she did love Tina and she didnt have the heart to verbalize the end of their relationship. Bette slowly lowered her head and stared at the floor right by her feet. Tina got the message and gave Bette one last, hard look before speaking.

Fine Bette. ***** you.

She turned and walked to the bedroom to grab some clothes. Bette sat there with her head in her hands and tears running down her cheeks. She knew she might be making the biggest mistake of her life, but it was something she couldnt stop herself from doing. What she had told Tina was true, she didnt know what she wanted, but she knew it was unfair to Tina to keep her in this relationship only to break her heart again. Tina returned a few minutes later with a suitcase full of clothes and another shoulder bag filled with other stuff. She took one more look at Bette and walked to the front door. Before she opened the door she set two things down on the table near the door. They were two things that symbolized everything about her relationship with Bette and they were the first two things that Tina wanted to get rid of when she saw the look in Bettes eyes tonight. Without hesitation she walked out of the house and out of her life with Bette. There would be times down the road when Tina would look for these objects, frantically searching for a reminder of what her life once was, then she would always remember the day she gave them back. The first item was her house key, and the second was her wedding ring.