Bette nodded “Yeah and you live with someone who hates me and will do everything she can to sabotage things “
Tina shook her head “She can try but she doesn’t have the power over me she once did. I can find a job as a waitress – I have worked in bars and restaurants during the holidays. “
“I bet Emma didn’t like that “
“No she didn’t but she didn’t get to dictate what I do. This has to be us Bette. Our call to sleep together – and may I say in case you had the slightest thought that I was against the idea – its what I want too. You are so beautiful Bette and I know what its like to be with you “
Bette was enjoying the ego boost – almost as much as she was enjoying Tina holding her hand. Bette took Tina’s other hand and swallowed
“I could devour you here on the spot and not notice what sort of audience we had. I’m sorry I came on too strong “
“No – you were right to get it into the open when we were still sober. I  could see it happening when we were both drunk – if we do this “ Tina swallowed – they really were discussing the inevitability of them spending the rest of the day fucking one another senseless “ We need to be sober and we need to know what we are getting into “
Bette nodded “Yes – you are right. I don’t know what you expect or what  you want”
“I don’t think either of us know what is going to happen in the future. What matters is that we control it – we talk to each other and we’re honest. All I ask of you is that you are honest with me. There is too much between us for any games playing and I hope that regardless of the whys and wherefores of us splitting up that we still respect one another”
Bette nodded “You are right – we have to be honest with each other “
Tina smiled “ Then we won’t get hurt and if we do – well its our pain and we both contributed. We didn’t deserve the hurt we both felt when we went our separate ways. We talked one another into it when the truth was we didn’t want to split up.”
“I thought it was the right thing to do – I was being noble. I was doing what my dad suggested which was to make things easier by going along with it. I wish to God I had told you how I felt – – which was I didn’t want to go to Yale without you I wanted you to come with me. “
Tina hadn’t known that and hearing it hurt. But she shrugged
“The past is that  – its over. We cannot undo what happened – either with our families or between us. I remember my trainee therapist girlfriend telling me once that hating someone is like you drinking poison and expecting your enemy to suffer. Me being so angry at Emma only hurts me because she doesn’t give a fuck how hurt we both were. She got her own way like she is used to and she doesn’t know the chaos she left behind”
“So is fucking me getting your own back ?”
“No – God no” Tina dropped her eyes – she knew she would find a way of messing things up – she always did.  Bette released Tina’s hand and touched her face making her look up. Bette smiled – four years and Tina could still convince herself that she had screwed up the most promising situation.
“I know you better than that – I was teasing you “
Tina shook her head “Sorry Bette”
“Don’t say sorry  – we have done nothing wrong and we both need to get it into our heads that we have. We didn’t make any vows of fidelity – the opposite in fact. So its irrelevant how many women we have both fucked. And we are two 23 year old Ivy league educated graduates – we have the rest of our lives ahead of us. So get it out of your head that either of us have done anything wrong” Bette sighed “As for the future. I don’t know – and neither do you. Lets just see how it goes and enjoy what happens”
Tina swallowed -only Bette could make her feel like she was 20 feet tall. She looked in Bette’s deep brown eyes and saw the kindness that she remembered so well.
For several minutes they didn’t speak  – Tina lost in those amazing eyes, Bette just smiling and trying to ignore the messages her clit was sending her – the ones that were getting louder and louder. It didn’t help that they way she was sitting meant that she was looking down Tina’s top and just utterly loving the view
“Your tits are still delicious to look at “ Bette said trying to sound matter of fact. Tina was snapped from her own reverie – she looked startled at first then laughed
“You bad woman “
Bette burst out laughing “Come on Tina – that blouse was picked to get an effect “
Tina knew she was caught “ Okay –  fair cop “
“I could even say that you were busted “
Tina laughed and grinned at Bette “ You seem to have enjoyed the view “
“I always enjoy the view – that would never change “
“But you have seen other views “
“A beautiful view is a beautiful view regardless of how many other views you see”
“You have got smoother “ Tina said
“I think we have both matured “
Tina reluctantly let go of Bette’s hand and took a long drink of beer
“I need the bathroom “ Bette said “Don’t go away “
When Bette came back Tina stood up “I need the bathroom but I didn’t want you to come back and me not to be here “
“Thanks “ Bette smiled and looked the blonde up and down
Tina headed into the bathroom still feeling Bette’s eyes on her – god it was a thrilling feeling. Bette sat down and took several deep breaths – this felt right. Yes they were no longer the innocents they had been when they were 17 but it was impossible to ignore the chemistry between the two of them. There was undoubtedly still something between them – only time would tell what it was and what that meant in the long term
They both drank their beer in relatively comfortable silence. When Tina finished her beer she looked at Bette and nodded.
Bette got up and slipped her jacket on and they headed towards the door. Outside it was warmer than it had been in the pub, They looked at one another and without a word they took hold of one another’s hands and started walking.
“You okay ?” Bette asked after a few minutes
Tina looked at Bette “Yes -I am not a child any more. I make my own decisions – if they are right or wrong doesn’t matter – what does matter is that I take ownership of them”
“Well said “ Bette said “ I know that what happened made me more independent – less willing to open up”
“You can tell me to mind my own business and I guess this is a dangerous conversation”
Bette smiled “Ask away – I meant what I said – we should be honest with one another”
“Was there anyone special for you at Yale ?”
The truth was that Bette didn’t recall all the names or faces of the women she had slept with. She looked at Tina
“There was no one I fell hook line and sinker in love with if that’s what you mean”
Tina nodded – she had wanted to know that – and Bette was saying there hadn’t been someone who had come close to replacing her in her heart. Was  that good or bad ?
Bette squeezed Tina’s hand “I am finding this hard “
“What ? Why ?”
“I am finding it hard not to start kissing you and its taking a lot of concentration not to just give in to what my head and heart are telling me which is to devour you – to undress you – to taste you and feel you and be inside of you and let you do whatever you want to me”
“Fuck “ Tina said “Oh God Bette “
Bette smiled suddenly “ Just in case you didn’t know –  just in the interest of full disclosure you understand “
“Its fucking scary how hot you are –  you know that now – you finally know how much power you have “
Bette grinned “ I have been told it a lot – by lots of different women and I admit that I have taken up most of the offers I have received and I don’t feel guilty about it. I didn’t meet anyone special – I am not sure what I would have done if I had but it didn’t happen. So yes – I gather I am very sexy”
“You are more than just very sexy “ Tina said
“And you must have been told the same thing “
Tina smiled “ Its more important to have a good heart and be kind – that’s something you told me and that has always stayed with me but yes – I know I am attractive “
“What a couple of big heads we have “ Bette said laughing “ Here we are  – lets get you a ticket “ Bette pulled a five dollar bill from her pocket and fed it into the machine – she punched the right tickets and a few seconds later Tina had a ticket to Morningside Heights. Bette handed it to Tina
“Thanks “
Bette glanced at her watch “ There is a train in about 5 minutes “
“Good “ Tina squeezed Bette’s hand “I am not sure how much longer I can wait to kiss you “
“Just kiss ?”  Bette replied
“I didn’t say where I wanted to kiss you “ Tina retorted
Bette growled “Oh fuck “
Tina laughed “I think we have both proved we are big girls now and our games are big girls games “
Bette nodded “Ceasefire ?”
“I think its best if we talk about banal things. I am not sure how well it would go down when Emma finds out we have been arrested for public indecency “