“The doctor is talking to me outside of the room, I know he’s talking to me I can see his mouth moving, but I can’t…uh, I can’t hear him the only thing I heard was amniotic fluid embolism. After that all I hear is Azriel screaming and I can hear their shoes moving back and forth through the room trying to… to get you back.” She whispered as the tears stung the harder they fought to get out. “I have never… never felt so scared and helpless in all of my life.” Tina looked up at Bette who was on the bed with trembling hands as she watched Tina pour out this secret nightmare that was haunting her four years later.

“I want a bigger family Bette I really do,” she bit down on her lip and continued. “But I refuse to ever put you in danger like that again, three months ago when you said you missed being pregnant, all I could see was you not answering me when I called your name.” Bette slid off of the bed and crawled over to Tina who was still against the door. She placed each leg around her waist and pulled her into her close. Tina laid her head on Bette’s chest and heard that familiar beat of blood pumping through her heart. The only sound she’d listen to a thousand times a day after Bette gave birth to Azi, the same sound that quelled her uneasy nights when she woke up in a panic from these same hellish nightmares she was having lately.

“You told me you were out telling the girls about the baby when that happened.” Bette said stroking Tina’s hair as she felt Tina cling tighter to her.

“If I told you that those 6 minutes and 37 seconds were the scariest moments in my life, what would you do? What could you do?” Tina looked up into Bette’s eyes for an answer, she didn’t find one, but she did see the love and remorse in her face. “I never wanted to hurt you or the kids, baby I’m so sorry, but I didn’t know how to tell you that I can’t handle that ever again. I close my eyes at night and all I see are these bodies moving around you trying to get you back and it’s not working.”

“Babe you should’ve told me this, four years you’ve been keeping this a secret from me, that’s not ok. If you’re scared or afraid of something then we need to take it down as a family, don’t ever hide away from me again.” Bette said holding Tina’s face with both hands as she spoke to her with every bit of sincerity in her voice and eyes. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” Tina gave a muffled reply as she placed her head back onto Bette’s chest clinging to her even tighter than before. They both held each other and rocking one another for a little while, each finally relieved to know the whole truth behind Tina’s withdrawal from them. Bette tapped Tina’s shoulder letting her know that she wanted to get up. Tina sat back against the door and watched Bette stand and stretch her body. She held out her hand for Tina to take and she pulled her up hugging her again.

“I love you so much baby.” Tina whispered into her ear, making Bette smile.

“I know.” Bette said pulling back and looking into Tina’s beautiful eyes. She leaned in and kissed her slow and soft, each departure broadening their smiles.

“Lie down with me?” Bette asked as she pulled on Tina’s hand toward the bed. She obliged and happily placed her head onto Bette’s chest hearing her lungs push and her heart pump, it made her smile as she went to sleep with one of Bette’s hands pressed against her head holding her closer than ever before.

　

　

　

　

TBC……………………………