I tried to lose myself in the sky above us. I tried to shut out his grunts. I tried to hold my breath hoping that I would faint. But none of that worked.

I just laid there praying for him to hurry up and finish.

Oh god! Oh god! Owwww, he sighed when he finally reached his climax.

He rolled off me. I wanted to run but couldnt chance him grabbing me right then. Instead I laid next to him silently crying.

Its getting late. I should take you back.

He sat up pulling me with him. He jumped off the rock and held out a hand to help me down. I hesitated and he became angry.

Take my hand. We have to go. Now!

He more jerked me off the rock than helped me and I landed on my knees. I wanted to scream out in pain but trapped it in my throat. I stood up pulling my dress down as he closed his pants.

Lets go, he said walking ahead.

I followed him.

*****

My father knew nothing of my attack and I didnt tell him anything. But when I passed the one test I was hoping to fail, I expected my father to drive me to the clinic for an abortion.

Even though it despises me that your having a child out of wedlock, I will not allow my daughter to have an abortion, he said to me that Wednesday night when I broke the news to him.

He wanted to know who the father was and as I prepared myself to lie, I started to cry, realizing that I could never lie to him.

Well, who is it child? he demanded to know.

I spilled my guts admitting that it was Emmanuel Santiago but didnt tell him how it happened. He didnt need to know that.

And this man, do you love him?

Love him… I hated him.

No, Daddy.
I wont question your lapse in judgement for laying down with him in the first place. Does he know that youre pregnant?
No, Daddy, I repeated with my head down looking at my lap.

My stomach would soon be expanding hiding my lap, I thought to myself.

My father and I sat in the dining room. Actually I sat at the table while he paced in front of me.

And never shall he know. This child is a Porter. Nothing better than a Porter, he stated, I expect you to stay here with me until this child is born. Then after that… suitable accommodations will be made for an apartment here in Philadelphia.

He left me sitting in the diningroom alone. And I cried for having my dignity taken from me.

*****