Summary of the previous chapter: Bette and Tina share a morning together without the usual bitterness.

While Tina and Bette were having a civil breakfast, A.M. Novack was attempting to put into order her plans for her latest book. Alex published as fiction even though her characters were all based on real people and events. Publishing as fiction allowed Alex to take liberties with dialogue and to amalgamate people into characters.

The latest book was going to be set in a Nunnery in 15th century Hungary. It was Alexs first attempt to write about the country which represented half of her heritage and she was a bit nervous about it. Perhaps because she had grown up closer to her paternal grandparents, but Alex had always felt closer to her Hungarian heritage and felt a greater obligation to get everything in this book as good as humanly possible.

One of the most significant differences between Alex and her best friend Bette was that Alex had never been driven to perfectionism as Bette had. Early on Alex had learned that she was never going to be good enough for her mother no matter how hard she tried and simply stopped trying. Though Alex would be loathe to admit it, her motivations to succeed in her life were more about being good enough for Bette than being good enough for anyone else.

Tinas arrival was a welcome interruption for Alex to put aside her struggle to achieve Bette-like perfectionism with the book. Alex had ordered a bottle of Perrier for Tina and had already opened a bottle of wine for herself. For some reason, Alex felt that conversations were best accompanied by alcohol.

Alex welcomed Tina into her suite and they settled comfortably side by side on the couch. Alex asked Tina what was on her mind.

Bette talked to me last night; she opened up more than she has in years.

Thats a good thing T-bird.

She told me about fears I never realized that she had. I never knew that Bette was afraid I would leave her for someone younger.

Betty was right wasnt she?
What makes you say that?

How old is Lady ***** Bells.

It had not occurred to Tina that Bettes fears were validated as Tina immediately got involved a woman younger than Bette. She need time to process this so, she changed the subject.

Bette was reading The Great Gatsby this morning. She said its one of your favorite books. Why?

Ive always identified with Gatsby.

He dies in the end.

Dont we all?

What is it about Gatsby?

His desperation to achieve that green light at the end of the dock.

How is that you?

Well, T-bird. Im looking for a dock with a green light.

Tina smiled. Youre not going to get away that easily, Alex.

I have a secret desire to look like Robert Redford and to sleep with Mia Farrow.

Nice try. Again?

I dont know, T-bird. Why the questions?

Because, I realize that youve gotten off too easily all of these years.

Or you think that if you can figure me out, you might figure out Bette E. Balls.

Why does Helena bother you so much?

Isnt that an obvious question?

No, I saw you when you were dancing with her last night. You immediately hated her. Why?
Again, obvious question.

Damn it, Alex, can you never just answer one simple, goddamn question with a real answer?

Usually, no, especially when I cant figure out what the ***** you are getting at.

I dont know what I am getting at, Alex. I have these thoughts and feelings running around and I am trying to make sense of them. You always have this way of putting things in perspective. Thats why I came to you.

Okay, T-bird. Why dont you tell me when these thoughts started running around.
I couldnt sleep last night and then Bette and I started talking. I still couldnt sleep because I was thinking about what Bette and I were talking about. I kept thinking about listening to your stories about you and Bette as children.

What about it?
About your loyalty to each other. You and Bette have this bond that Ive never understood.

Not everything is easy to understand. We were kids who clung to each other under some tough circumstances. We both had parents we couldnt please no matter how hard we tried. I guess that at times I felt like Bette was the only person who thought I was good enough and I think she felt like I was the only person who thought she was good enough. We accepted each other, flaws and all. Until you came along, I dont think Betty ever felt like anyone would love her if they found out she wasnt perfect.

I think she still felt that way with me.

Probably, but she came the closest with you that Ive ever seen her come with a person. You know underneath all that ego lies a very scared child. Dont let the Bette E. Balls fool you from seeing the Bette.

So, is that the green light for which you are searching, for someone who sees the real Alex Novack?

I had that.

Are you looking for it again?
Catherine was a once in a lifetime. Some things are too good to come around twice.

Thats very fatalistic.
Im a fatalist. T-bird, you arent going to sort out your own life by trying to analyze me. The answers to Bette arent the answers to me.

Bette told me that she has realized that you and she are more alike than she ever realized.

We are alike in many ways, similar experiences. That doesnt mean that we will both unlock with the same key.

Youve both mastered the artform of running and putting up walls.

We run to different places and for different reasons. We put up different kinds of walls.

You know, it occurred to me that I cant imagine raising children with anyone other than Bette.

Thats a good thing, T-bird.

I cant trust Bette.

And maybe Bette cant trust you. Youre even.

And what makes you think Bette cant trust me? I didnt go ***** the carpenter. Tina was getting angry by now.

Alex looked at the half empty bottle of wine, grateful for its presence. Bette cant trust you because Bette cant trust Bette. If you dont believe in yourself, how do you believe that anyone else believes in you?

So, I just accept that she goes and ***** behind my back because she has a self esteem problem?

Do you think that grudge ***** some young rich ***** is the answer?

Helena has nothing to do with this.

You think. Tina you confirmed Bettes worst fears. Not only did you run to a younger woman, but you ran to a woman with money coming out her *****, i.e. what Bette provided wasnt good enough so you went to someone who could provide more.

My relationship with Helena is not about her money.

Maybe not, but it sure says to Bette that she was right all along.
I wasnt seeing Helena before Bette destroyed the relationship by ***** Candace.

True, but since you have confirmed Bettes worst fears, I have to wonder if maybe those fears didnt have some validity.

Tina looked at Alexs wine and began wishing to God that she could drink. Thats bullshit, Alex.

Maybe, but you came to me to sort out your thoughts. Nothing puts thoughts into perspective like facing the Devils Advocate. Anyway, going back to a previous topic. Gatsby thought that if he just got rich, then he could give Daisy what she wanted. She didnt want him as a poor boy, but if he could offer her money, he would finally be good enough. That was his green light, T-bird, being good enough to deserve her love. He never realized that love isnt something you can earn or deserve. It is given freely.

Bettes green light is being good enough.
Yeah, and everything about your new little girl-toy tells Bette that she was right all along. She was never good enough.
For some reason, hearing that felt like Tina had been hit in the gut.