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Never Can Say Goodbye
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The image that I have tried so hard to forget is now at the forefront of my mind….the image of Ella….beautiful…smart….wounded Ella….I had painstakingly little by little removed most of the sadness than shone in her eyes….
I close my eyes and much like an old movie reel….my eyelids cruelly projecting the true Bette Porter….the Bette Porter who can stand helpless as a child is pried kicking and screaming from my legs….the Bette Porter who turned and left despite her cries of “I love you…..please don’t leave…you promised…..I’ll be good……BETTE” ringing in my ears…..
The arms that I feel holding me tight…holding me close as I sob are undeserving….I don’t deserve to be comforted I left knowing that she would receive little if any comfort…..I left knowing that I had let her believe that not all adults where selfish assholes and by leaving I became the biggest one of all. I had a choice and I choose my own needs….my own wants over hers….
I tried to break free of Tina’s hold
“Don’t fight me Bette…I’m not letting go”
I’m still wracked with sobs….wracked with guilt “She trusted me…..I….I…failed…..”
“Sshhh….enough” She holds me and doesn’t move until my sobs subside
Releasing her grip on me just enough Tina grabs the folded blanket at the end of the lounger, gently pushes my head onto her lap and lays the blanket over me. The wave of exhaustion overwhelms and I can no longer keep my eyes open.
When I awake I’m surprised to find Tina wide eyed…not showing any of the distaste at my revelation that I deserve….she softly sweeps my unruly curls away from my eyes
She whispers “Thank you”
I take a deep breath…anticipating her gratitude that I have given her every reason to walk away “For”
“For…for just being the person that you are….for giving me a million more reasons to love you”
Is tiredness clouding her judgement….I know she loves me but is she blind to who I am….what I am capable of “Tina”
“It’s ok I know…Rome wasn’t built in a day….. and I should go it’s late”
I reluctantly walk her to the door each step a prompt to how much I don’t want her to leave. Final destination reached we turn and stand face to face
She sighs “So”
“So”
“I’ll be going then”
“Yeah”
“Yeah”
“Well this is…..?
“So fucking hard”
I reply without hesitation “Yeah”
She takes both my hands in hers “You know this isn’t…..”
“Don’t” I stop her…I don’t want to think that this could be…. I drop my head…she does too, our foreheads resting together I can only offer her an alternative
“Au revoir”
“Auf Wiedersehen”
“Ciao”
“Adios”
“Zai Jian”
She pulls back smiling “Fuck….. you win”
I laugh as she opens the door.
She waves as she takes the first steps down the path in reverse then turns I silently watch the only girl I know I will ever love as she walks towards her car
“Tina”
“Yeah”
“What are you doing Sunday”
“Spending it with this really….really…..hot and amazing woman”
“Do you think they’ll mind if I join you”
“Pick me up at 10….oh and Porter”
“Yeah”
“Stop looking at my ass”
I close the door and lean back against it “Not in this lifetime Kinnard”
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That was a great chapter skimmer. Poor Bette doesn’t understand that she was that “ray of light” in that child’s life. So sad that she was stuck with a truly awful mother and stupid father, that did not know how or interested in giving love. They only understood their hatred of each other and not the wonderful little girl that they produced. Hopefuly Tina will be able to make Bette understand what a wonderful thing she did for that child. It would be wonderful if Bette could meet the young lady now and she that she had a tremendous effect on Ella’s life and made her see that everyone was not like her parents. And of course, this revelation made Tina love her even more. Thanks for posting.
Well I am going repeat few already mentioned words to describe this story “WOW, Amazing, Awesome, Fantastic…” Please PPVS.
Sorry, I can write commonplaces only: this was a f**king fantastic chapter!! :o)
I am soooooo glad that bette finlly opened up to tina its been a long journy and a real tuff write but i knew you would do it
I’m glad Bette told Tina the score. I hope Ella got herself emancipated from her arsey parents, she’d be what, like 16 now? That’s maybe old enough. Or maybe her parents met new people who were better than they deserved, and she wound up getting positive role models as step-parents. I really hope so. Speaking of hope, I’m glad Bette still has it for her and Tina’s forever. This was a great update, Skimmer, I’m glad you found time to post. I’ll have to channel all my imaginary spare funds into developing a device that transports Scottish summer weather everywhere. Or I can be cheap and just do some rain dancing. But that would require a sense of rhythm and coordination that I simply do not possess. Thanks, Skimmer!
Absolutely brilliant update. Thank you! :)
Heart breaking for the girl, but Bette really did all she could do. I hope that one day she is able to see that child all grown up.
That was awesome and love it. Please post more, thanks!
now that was an amazing update…
Well, I would have used the word Awesome as well but since two people already have then I will say “FANTASTIC!”!!!
All I can say is “AWESOME”.
I LOVE this story. What a fantastic chapter! I can see how Bette felt totally responsible for Ella’s anguish, but I hope Tina helps her realize she probably provided positive expereinces at a bad time in the child’s life. Can’t wait for more.
Great update! Now what if somehow Bette gets to meet Ella and finds out that she turned out to be a great kid because of the love and hope Bette gave her as a child then maybe Bette will feel like she isn’t a bad person and will change her mind about having babies with Tee. Thanks for the story and PPVS! :)
Wowowowowowoow this chappy was magical! Glad they’re talking. Bette is amazingly sweet! Even though she felt that she let Ella down she also probably gave her hope that there are people in the world with the capacity to care. While it may have broken bettes heart to leave her I think the experience with her shows so clearly what an amazing parent bette would truly be. Can’t wait for the next post!
wowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww just wow. btw – i with bette on this, tina has a nice ass
That story was so sad!! No wonder Bette doesn’t want to take a chance with children again. She does need to forgive herself though and move on. I’m so glad Tina was supportive of her. Please get these guys back together soon!
Well… What is it with you and leaving me speechless lately? I don’t think I like it. That was so good. I wanted to cry through most of the 8 pages. Poor Ella. And how freaking unlucky must you be to get stuck with such horrible people as parents. About the NC, you know how explosive my ideas are, I don’t know if I can do that. lol.
Great Update!!! I am so glad Bette talked told Tina her story. Thank you PPS
What’s this in my eye? Must be lint or something. Sniff! Great chapters skimmer – I knew Bette could trust Tina with her secrets, and would feel better for sharing them. Their banter despite the heavy revelations was funny and sweet. Poor Ella – I hope she grew up to be a fine woman despite her parents’ best efforts to destroy her. I love your Tibette.
I simply must ask…did you and jikes coordinate this and decide to bring some tears to the readers? *reaching for tissue to dab a tear* So glad that BnT are communicating and barriers are being broken…I have hope in their forever! TY for the post, Skimmer!
IT is rough to have relationship break up and to have to walk away from a child-to cut yourself off is to protect your own heart -but u never forget or stop loving the child-commiserations Bette. Only time heals. This my last read of the nite, i thought i’ll go look for 1 more story to read and yours came up-i got so excited-pps
Skimmy…that was unbelievable…but with you the unbelievable becomes believable! So, now that Tina knows why Bette doesn’t want children, she can help Bette see that Bette is not like her professor and her husband. Tina can help her see that the things she did for that little girl were not the things to feel guilty about,but the were the things that would make her an excellent parent. Tina can help her realize that she would have had to let the little girl go at some point, because she wasn’t her parent. Anyway, I don’t know if that’s where you are going with this, but it seems to me that Tina has a chance to help heal Bette which could change her mind about children. Waiting for more Skimmy…as always!
I was entranced with this chapter and I kept waiting for Bettes connection of leaving Ella to her mother leaving her, Not sure if that is where you are going with this but in any event it was a beautiful disply of emotional pain that both our soulmates experienced together….how tina must have loved her at that moment !!!
Thanks Skimmer, I’m loving this story. Great insight into why Bette is leary of children. But it’s nothing that she and Tina can’t work through. And actually Tina’s boobs are much nicer than her cute little ass, but that’s just my opinion :)