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Mind on Trial
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What am I doing with you? What am I doing with you? What am I doing with you?
My thoughts were running wild lately, but at that precise moment, that thought in particular repeated itself involuntarily, as I turned my back and walked away from Jodie, and she turned, thankfully, to depart.
I wiped that kiss from my mouth, proceeding behind my desk. My fingers could not eradicate her touch from my lips quickly enough.
When I turned and she was still there poised at the door, asking me to meet her to fuck that night, it was easy to make up an excuse, that I was working late. Thank God that satisfied her. But when she suggested ‘Tomorrow’, and I was less than enthused and suggested, in essence, ‘Perhaps,’ she arrogantly shrugged her shoulders and said, “If you’re lucky.”
What kind of wimp had I become? Seriously!
I had absolutely nothing in common with this woman. The preceding weekend was a disaster. Her friends were obnoxious assholes. How could she want to be with me and with them, both, at the same time, in the same room? What was she thinking? Did she have any idea who I was and what I was about?
She apparently found it humorous when I was dumped in the lake by an arrogant artist-slash-curator wannabe. We still hadn’t talked about that weekend. Why?
A gun carved out of soapstone? Held to a student’s head? Again, what was she thinking?
What was I thinking to acquiesce to her argument? Where are my balls? Does she really think about her students ‘all the time’ as she asserts? Or is she thinking about herself? Why didn’t I stand up to her?
Because I’m afraid she’ll leave me? And I’ll be alone? And Tina will have the cardiologist?
Did Tina notice today in the gym that I almost blew Jodie’s hand off her wrist with my fist, in my frustration and anger?
I can’t believe she slept with that hussy on the first date.
I knew Tina a week before she let me fuck her. God, I want to fuck her again. And again. And again. The way it used to be. When we couldn’t get enough of each other.
What am I doing? What am I doing? What am I doing?
What does Tina see in her? Apparently nothing. She told me tonight. She thought she was crazy! She can’t keep up with her.
Tina loves me. I know she loves me.
I grabbed her. Stopped her in her tracks. And she didn’t struggle. I pulled her into my arms and I kissed her. Hard and deeply and passionately.
I didn’t want the emotion to come. But it did. And surely when I cried, and when I wept uncontrollably, she knew. Tina surely knew I loved her from the depths of my soul. She knew I was sorry for everything. For Candace. For losing my job. For not trying harder to make it work. She knew I missed her. She knew I wanted her. Surely, she knew I’d go back and change everything I possibly could if she’d only love me and be with me again. In my life. In my bed. In my every thought. And in every breath I dared to breathe.
I did not want to see Jodie again. Not tomorrow. Not the next day. Nor the next.
What had I been thinking? What had I been thinking? What had I been thinking?
I hadn’t.
That was the problem.
I hadn’t.
‘Til I saw Tina tonight and kissed her.
My mind is on trial. I’ve put it on trial with the touch of her lips.
And I am so guilty of being truly, madly, deeply in love with that woman!
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Well, I got nowt, except to say that this post was really good. Thanks
OMG, a Bette and Tina story from you! Certainly a departure – thanks for taking the time. Is there a chapter two brewing?
Zheese this is a brilliant departure from your norm… Truly truly brilliant… I almost cried…Seriously, brilliant indeed.
I think this post moved me more than this kiss. Both shocked me but this one moved me…Nice one Zheese
I have seen the kiss and I am not sure how I feel about it. I don’t think it is unrealistic to think that Bette still has feelings for Tina, as she wasn’t the one that left. She loved tina very much and Tina left her. Those feelings just don’t disappear. I wish Bette would let herself off the cross for all the mistakes she has made, though..losing her job? That was her fault? What I want to see is Tina taking responsibility for HER mistakes, and I want to know how Bette can ever trust Tina again?
WOW very powerful… love the inner turmoil brewing in bette, now lets see what’s going with tina, tina still needs to claim some responsiblity for their falling apart!
Wow, cool, nice to see even non-TiBetters were moved by that kiss. This was a cool idea.. with all the internal dialogue. Maybe you will even write us another one if there is subsequent good stuff on our screens. Thanks.
Seriously!! I almost had a heart attack when i saw that YOU were writing a TiBette…sorta…and ya know what? IT was amazing!! You did an excellent job conveying Bette’s jumbled thoughts! Kudos to you…I think we can add NYGIRL’s fic right after yours…you know Bette’s verbal…FUCK! LOL!!
Get you, zheese, getting Tibettey! Yeah, what was Bette thinking? What was Tina thinking. What ARE they thinking? ARE they thinking? For supposed grown ups, they haven’t really aquited themselves too well in the thinking department so far. It would be really nice if they could both find the courage to be honest with themselves and each other at the same time and see where that takes them.
WOW!!!! zheese, That was Great!!!! But I do think susannah2000 has a point!!!! I so loved the Kiss Thanks PPVS
Wow I know this is not your usual genre but that was a great post. It would be great to read more.
zhee, let’s play a game, okay?! 27 vs. 1… and one (1) won… go figure! *winking* but, no, seriously… the last part… absolutely floored me! especially the last two lines… wow … speechless… entirely brilliant… kudos to you!! and again- loved to see you post!
You should write more Bette and Tina stories. See even the fans of other couples see the chemistry that is Tibette. Thank you for going outside of yourself to write this story.
What do you mean not good, that was fantastic! I love the emotional torture of Bette as I think she does do this to herself.
”My mind is on trial. I’ve put it on trial with the touch of her lips.” Nice turn of phrase, zh.
Brilliant and insightful….thanks for sharing.
I disagree that Tina has not been realizing her mistakes. I think everytime she looks at Bette with Jodi she feels the sting!!! Tina already admitted she felt guilty for what she had done and she should. All the fault shouldn’t and does not fall on Bette. Both of these characters still have strong emotions for each other it certainly isn’t one sided.
Hello Z, well well well my friend you are just brilliant, stepping a little out side the box but keeping your immeasurable romanticism intact. That was beautiful, the turmoil you have created just exudes that one powerful emotions “love” Brilliant. Sincerely, JC (:P)
Shocked and stunned! I loved how you started the scene before the nightclub kiss. Bette was definitely considering her relationship in her office. She was questioning Jodi about being more thoughtful at an entirely different level than working with her students. Bette is beginning to open herself to the possibility of leaving…and she is fearful. Loved the last couple of lines. Dead on!
departures are always great:) i’m happy to read anything you crank out. cheers
Well as I went through all your stories this is the only one I can read for obvious reason..I’m a tibetter true to heart so let me comment n I’m out of here i can’t do Belena….but this was nice that Shebar scene will always be the turning point for Bette and Tina a very dramatic scene, nicely done