Fan Fiction
This story has been set to a rating of PG-13. Age verification is required to proceed.
Malibu
Login to add story to favorites
(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)You need to be a registered member to rate this post.
Loading ...
Tabitha Wells arrived at LAX airport and got through customs with no problem at all. Her passport was stamped and she was welcomed home. She exited the secure area and got assistance with her luggage from one of the porters. Her driver Monica was waiting at curbside. The porter loaded the luggage into the trunk of the car while Monica held the back passenger door open for her. Tabitha thanked them both; tipped the porter then settled into the comfortable leather seat of the spacious town car. Monica pointed out that there were refreshments and snacks in a gourmet food basket for her enjoyment. Tabitha smiled at the thoughtful gesture and picked out a few items before sitting back. She stared through the tinted windows as they drove past familiar sights on the ride from the airport to Malibu Beach.
***
Tabitha was overcome with emotion as the chauffer driven town car approached the gated community called Milestone Villas on Malibu Beach. How often had she entered those gates in the past, happy to be home after a long day at the office or a day with friends or a date night with her wife? It was all so familiar yet so different. Today she would not be going to the home she knew, instead Monica stopped the car in the driveway of a stranger’s house just miles away from the one now occupied by Jodi Lerner. Just a ten minute drive separated her from the woman she once loved; from the woman who had turned against her; from the woman who was fucking her best friend; from the woman who tried to kill her. In a few days she would come face to face with the woman who’d taken away eighteen months of her life.
Monica opened the passenger door and helped Tabitha to her feet then retrieved the bags from the trunk as Tabitha made her way to the front door of the house. She found the keys hidden in the potted plant just as Joyce had instructed and with them unlocked the door to her new home. She asked Monica to leave the bags in the foyer. The payment and tip for the car service was taken care of in advance so after dropping the bags Monica said her farewell and left Tabitha to herself.
Comments
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
Wow, BAT, you are a writing machine!! I bet James Patterson or Nicholas Sparks would love to be able to put out this many Great chapters in a short time!! Ever consider a mystery novel? TBsG
TBsG – thanks for your comment. I wish I had that kind of talent to actually write a novel, but I’m not even close. This story is a re-post. I wrote it about 5 years ago so now I’m just editing, that’s why I can post so frequently.
ok. I’m feeling that bile rolling up my midsection and getting ready to expel the, “EWWWWW…..” WOW again!! tina certainly has some brassy big ones to be so calm and collected. high praise to her for remaining neutral and just….waiting. what was it that the spider said to the fly….this too shall be worth the wait watching as tina and others reel these two in. Kelly alas, seems to be at the cracking point. she may be a bit slow in admitting that Jodi will take her down when push comes to shove and I hope Kelly wakes up from that stupor of hers and turns the tables on Jodi. tina being a stones throw from where she once resided….the beach community will never be the same after this. waiting for this to come full circle again, is worth the wait.
what a treat to arrive home after a long night at work to read another chapter to this wonderful story. I applaud you and the vision that has been created with tina and all the characters. and yes, I will still continue to include my own personal hero #LOVINDAVE for bringing this story to life through your words and your unique vision of this tale. thank you for taking the time to share another chapter with us and thank you also for allowing us to continue this journey with you through the eyes of tina.
I’m so glad that the story forward and we regularly receive a daily update. it really means a lot to us, readers!
I like that Tina to put the plan into motion.
but please, NOT a thing! Tabitha not seduce Jodie, and between them, love affair. it would be too gross!
I hope Tabitha isn’t the goal at all costs. rather her stomach is still bad from Jodie sight !!!!
I look forward to the next chapter.
Tina really is daring, a very brave lady. Jodi makes me want to throw up. Thanks for the quick turnarounds in posting. It is greatly appreciated. Great story
Joy – been out all day today and returned to another chapter :)
Thanks BAT, I love this Tina and can’t wait for her to give Jodi what for !
I hate Jodi !
Thanks for the daily updates and for this bonus :D
Wow! Tina has to have iron stomach to stay
close to the person who planned his death. And please nothing
of intimacy with that Jodi bitch, I’m sure
would throw up if this happens.
Bette could make a visit to Tina, only
to relieve all this tension that Tina has to have
with this double evil.
All Stars.
Hi Bat, Good job on creating a mystery with cops and bad guys. I wrote a story titled, Malibu, too here on LesFan: http://bit.ly/1qT8rKJ) and when I signed on a minute ago I thought, how interesting – people are reading a story I wrote back several months ago! Then, I read yours.
I’ve been researching a lot of writing styles as I ready part of my espionage series, WET WORK with Agent Porter and T for screenwriting competitions and festivals. My study has been in several aspects of storytelling, but the one that I spent time analyzing that you may be interested in and benefit from is how to write suspense. This style, as I’m sure you’re aware, presents readers with foreshadowing for what’s to come, but not too much, and not always what’s truly going to happen.
Alfred Hitchcock was incredibly good at this, so much so that he changed film history throughout the world as writers, directors, and audiences became enthralled with his style. One thing he did effectively was to open his stories at the perfect moment in time and give audiences a clear snapshot of his protagonist’s or antagonist’s states of mind – often he revealed the “face they showed the world” and then his stories/films slowly, and with wonderful evolving tension revealed their faces behind their masks. So, in this way he transforms his characters within the mis en scene.
I also see that you are a writer who likes to give the reader visual cues as you draw out your paragraphs, or to further relate back to the storytelling style that creates visual tension – visual elements you reveal in a scene. That said, here are more specific pointers on how to tighten up your writing.
Your first paragraph is fine but you could write it so much quicker and give us, your readers, only the pertinent information that we need to know. That is the best writing goal we all aspire to – to edit our words so that the reader is given only the most important thoughts, actions and cues for the character’s motivations, or for the purposes of moving the plot structure forward – brilliant kernels of visual or emotion cues and twists that take the story to the next level of its progression.
When writing a mystery or a thriller that would be leading your reader’s along the path that will suddenly twist. Let those rings of reverberations mean something (Hitchcock loved to use MacGuffins, but not always) and then you need to twist the story’s path again, and again in a mystery/thriller.
I’m only beginning to feel comfortable with what I come up with in creating tension – then holding it, and holding it, and then finally letting it blossom into emotion, plot progression and change.
So, back to your first paragraph – unless we really need to know that she gets her passport stamped, goes through airport security, the porter stowing her luggage, etc.. then it needn’t be in your story in such detail. In other words – we all know what the steps are getting off a plane and out the door.
Ex. And this has nothing to do with the plot of your story, I’m just giving you a few different sentences here –
Tabitha Wells, (describe her mood here – an example could be) –
“Detective Tabitha Wells, anxious to pick up the trail she’d feared for months had grown cold, threads her way through the busy LAX airport.
Outside, the warm California sun suddenly on her face, she stops dead in her tracks, and for the first time since boarding the plane hours earlier, she takes a much needed breath.
A smile – a pleasant memory of her life here before, the casual ways of California, the woman she loved once so deeply – dissolves her tension, and for a moment she appears younger, happier, as carefree as a tourist.
Her mood vanishes as she slides inside the Lincoln Town car idling at the curb.
The driver zooms away. Their destination – down the winding coast highway to Malibu.
Or you could write – down the winding coast highway to Malibu where she (foreshadow what she hopes to find, who she’s here to meet – in essence: The next footprint of the story’s action.
— You have a good story here. Hope this helps.
Blackbird
Bat, I wrote you a long comment and it disappeared – it was mostly about my recent study of writing suspense. Would you like me to PM it? It gave a very specific note to you about foreshadowing.
Blackbird
Hello Blackbird – sorry your comment wasn’t captured. Please PM. Thanks
You are an excellent writer. I am enjoying your story more then my simple words can express. I hope your career is in writing for you do have a gift in expressing and telling a good story. Best wishes for a bright future and don’t give up if you don’t get published the first time. Your gift will prevail just believe.
Mid of the night for me! I had a long day yesterday! I started reading this at 9 something and felled asleep. Woke up two more times and started back reading but felled asleep again. Its 1:36 am and I just woke up to pee. I’ just finished this amazing story! I’m back off to sleep cause I have to be up at 5 am. I must be crazy but I can’t help it! I love this wonderful story! PPS