Previously…

I have never before stood so near to someone and felt too far away from them, the breath between us feels like miles. But she’s here, she’s in my present and I won’t be happy ‘til I am part of her present…and all of her future. I believe with all my heart that I have standing here in front of me the love of my life.

I cannot have her so close and lose her.

And I won’t.

________________________________________________________________________

I’ve been in bed for hours now and I’m no closer to getting to sleep than I was when I first climbed between the sheets. How can I possibly sleep after what happened to me today?

She spoke to me.

She knows my name.

She touched me – she actually touched me.

I run my fingers down my neck in the same place as hers were, and I pick up the feeling she left there. I carry it over to my mouth and kiss it away from my fingertips.

She’s on my lips.

‘Dear god’, I’m thinking as I stare at the ceiling, ‘dear god. I so want her to touch me again. I want that to be the first thing I feel in the morning and the last thing I feel before I go to sleep. The next time I hear her say my name I want it to be as soon as I open my eyes in the first light of day and I want to hear her say goodnight to me as I lay my weary head on a pillow that’s lying right beside hers.’

I turn my head and look at the empty space where she should be. I reach over to run my hand over it’s coolness and I know it won’t be much longer before she’s there, surely just a few more minutes and she will come to me, like she has come to me in my dreams so often before.

‘Are you asleep or lying awake?’, my thoughts call to her across the wide night that separates us.

‘Can you hear what I‘m thinking?’

I stare past her side of the bed, out of the window and gaze in wonder at the blue-white glow of the same moon that’s shining down on her and I hope, god how I hope, that my words ricochet off it and find their way to her, to their destination…and mine.