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    KILLING LONLINESS

    Story written on July 7, 2006 by wolfmother.
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    48 votes, average: 2.25 out of 548 votes, average: 2.25 out of 548 votes, average: 2.25 out of 548 votes, average: 2.25 out of 548 votes, average: 2.25 out of 5 (48 votes, average: 2.25 out of 5)
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    Genre(s):
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    fanfiction(s):
    Character(s): , , , ,
    Number of Comments: 5
    Words: 325
    Story Shortlink: https://assertive-maroon-jellyfish.104-250-143-187.cpanel.site/?p=61594
    Author Notes:

    shane,kickass band what more

              shane picks up the guitar while chase gets behind the drumset and the other members pick up thier guitar on center stage at the planet playing another gig. shane strums the guitar she wipes the sweat off of her balck jeans and white studded belt with a black volcom shirt on.”your lipstick his collar dont bother angel i know exactly what goes on when everything you get is everything you wanted well which would you prefer ,my finger on the trigger me face down down across your floor well just as long as this things loaded.20 minutues later shanes friends  came to congraulate her . fucking awesome yodah alice said she couldnt take her eyes off of the sweat on shanes body she just wanted to rip her fucking clothes off and have sex with her on stage. shanejust smiled when alices warm body touched her skin.kits locking up the planet. hey al want to come hangout with me tonight chase and the guys are going to this party and im way to tired .sure, great i got some cool movies ive been dying to watch.  shanes house                                        20 min into the movie all shane can think  about is kissing alices lips same with the both notice each other staring so thier is an akward silence . shane i think im foing to go”. wait al and then life houses ” you and me comes on .with that alice and shane go in for a long awaited kiss as thier lips brush each others the phone rings … to be continued

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    Comments

    2. ok, I’m going to give you some constructive criticism, please don’t take it the wrong way. You need to use capitalization for names, the start of sentences, and the start of new paragraphs. You need to run spell check. I can hardly understand what’s going on here, because it’s all in one big rush.Lastly, this whole thing is really quite short. You haven’t set it up completely. Think about what you want to tell, plan it out, set it up in your head first, then write it. I’m not sure what you’re going here for. Just try again, I hope the suggestions have helped you.

    3. Interesting start. I’d like to see where you take this. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Shane and Alice together. I agree with jp’s comments. Maybe after each person speaks, return the sentence so it’s not a big run on. It would be easier to follow. I hope you continue!

    5. Hey wolfmother! I totally agree with jp22. You should try everything jp said. Now on to compliments. I think its wonderful your making a shalice story. Theres not many out there and we could use afew more. Even though this story needs alittle time and help i like it. I hope that you will consider to continue this story. Ill be checking for updates! Good luck! :)

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