Chapter 78

Tina continued to patiently wait for Bette to speak. She looked into her eyes. She looked so tired – exhausted. She reached over and gently touched Bettes cheek. Take your time BabyI know how hard it is for you to talk about this.

Something close to impossible T Bette only managed a whisper. She looked at Tina and noticed that her robe had fallen open. Bette placed her hand on Tinas belly. Her touch was so tenderso loving. She moved down slightly on the bed and kissed Tinas belly. Tina placed her hand on Bettes head and began running her fingers through her hair.

Bette whispered softly to the babies. Hey you twoI think this is a good time for you to take a nap. I really dont want you to hear this conversation. Please take a nap for your mommy and me ok? Bette placed her ear on Tinas belly. They both said ok T.

Tina smiled. At times Bette appeared to be so toughbut it was this soft side of her that she really loved.

Bette kissed Tinas belly again and then inched back up on the bed so they were again facing each other. Bette moved her hand up Tinas body and it came to rest on her left breast. Bette gently caressed Tinas nipple. Her touch was one that brought comfort to both of them – there was nothing sexual about it – nothing. Tina placed her hand on top of Bettes.

TinaIm so sorry I scared youI wasnt thinkingor maybe I was thinking too muchI dont know what I was thinking Bette was becoming tense again. Tina could hear it in her voice.

Babyplease try to relax. Please take your time and tell me what youre thinking and feeling.

I hate it that we have to be dealing with this now. Youd think Id be over it by nowIm so sorry Tina – I dont want you to be upset Bette knew she was making a feeble attempt at avoiding the issue. She also knew there was no avoiding it this time. Tina wasnt going to let her – and she herself knew that she shouldnt.

Baby its oktell metalk to meyoure safe with meI love you The look in Tinas eyes was so sincere – so full of understanding – Bette felt her walls tumbling down.

It was all my fault Tinamy fault. If I hadnt been. Bette paused and didnt finish her sentence.

Say it Betteif you hadnt been what? Say ityou need to say it Bette Tina looked at Bette – her eyes begging her to say itjust say it.
If I hadntif I hadnt Bette continued to struggle with what she was trying to say. She and Tina both knew what it was. Bette needed to say it – and Tina needed to hear her say it. If I hadnt been

Bette – say it – please just say it.

If I hadnt beenborn..I..

Come on BabyIf you hadnt been born – what? What if you hadnt been born? Tell mewhat if you hadnt been born? Tina felt tears forming in her eyes. Tell me Babytell meplease tell me..

If I hadnt been bornmymy Tears began rolling down Bettes cheeks.

Come on Baby – you can say ityour what? If you hadnt been bornyour what? Say it Bettejust say it.

If I hadnt been bornmy mother would still be alive Bette began sobbing. Tina leaned forward and kissed her gently on the lipsthen on the tip of her nose. She looked into Bettes eyes again. There was so much pain in them. Tina felt her heart breaking.

Tina whispered to Bette. So you think its your fault your mother died giving birth to you?

Yesyes

Oh Babyhow could that have been your fault? You were an innocent little baby – you had no control over what was happening. Babyit wasnt your fault. Sometimes terrible things just happenand its nobodys fault. I wish wed have dealt with this sooner – the thought of the babies being born must really scare youGod Babe

Every time I think about you going into labor I panic. If I lost you now – or the babies – I wouldnt be able to handle it Tina. Bettes hand traveled back down to Tinas belly. The thought that something like this could happen to youit scares me. Im so scared something is going to go wrong and Im going to lose one of you – or all of you

BettelistenIm healthy. The babies are thriving. Were going to be fine. I know youre scaredand no matter what I say – youll still be scared. But I just know – were all going to be fine

I pray youre right Tinaeveryday I pray that your right.

Baby – you look so exhausted. Come here. Let me just hold you – you take a nap. We can talk more later.

Bette snuggled up as close to Tina as she possibly could. She rested her head on Tinas bare chest. She felt so calm – so safe – so loved. Bette fell asleep within minutes. Tina held her in her armsas if shielding her from the worldthe pain. Tina whispered softly. Were all going to be fine Babyjust fine. I love you very much. Tina closed her eyes and soon drifted off to sleep. It was the most restful sleep either one of them had gotten in quite some time.

TBC