Part 5

Jenny yelled. You were up here SINGING like a ***** siren and probably ***** Bette in between, ***** up another relationship just for the fun of it. So much for being worried about you!

Jenny, Marina said softly, the husky voice penetrating all the anger, all the madness in Jenny. The ranting stopped immediately and she sat down, staring at her hands like she had never seen anything like them before.

Now it seemed like everybody was staring at something: Jenny at her hands, Bette at Tina, Tina inwards and Shane tried to stare at all of them. Marina was the only one not staring, she calmly drank her tea like this was a normal situation in her day-to-day life – and maybe it was?

And then there was the whole Marina and Jenny thingie – Shane didnt even dare go there in her mind. She had no clue whatsoever to what was going on with those two. When she looked at Marina she could be fooled to believe that she couldnt care less- that she had everything, especially herself, under total control – but as someone said or wrote somewhere: Just because you show no emotion, doesnt mean that you dont feel any.

That sentence should be tattooed on Marinas chest, as a warning and as words of instructions to those who dared love this woman, because Shane knew that Marina was easier to hurt, much more sensitive than one should think.

Bette shifted nervously in her seat, brown eyes never left Tinas still body. TTina? she whispered for the third time. If it hadnt been Bette in this position, the stuttered word would have left an pathetic impression, but even with all the grief and despair so clear on her face there was some sort of strange aura of dignity surrounding her, but nevertheless it quickly became too painful to watch her trying to keep herself together in the presence of her former lover – so Shane stopped and prayed silently for her two friends to find their way back to each other.

One way of accomplishing that was: TALK. Shane willed her friend to start talking and try to get Tina out of that dark place she had obviously gone to in her mind.

Talk to each other, damn it! Shane heard herself hiss and slammed a hand over her mouth in shock. *****!

Now everyone, including Tina and Marina, stared at HER. All she managed to offer them was an embarrassed shrug and a forced lopsided grin that probably didnt fool anyone.

Marinas eyebrow arched. Interesting concept, she said. One you are not that familiar with either.

What? Shane was confused.

Talking.

Jenny giggled, it sounded strained and a bit desperate, but it was a genuine giggle. Even Tina seemed to find it slightly amusing.

Bette just kept on staring.

Maybe we should practice it, then? Shane caught the opportunity and desperately wanted the others to grab it, too.

Talking? Tina asked, and Shane cheered inside.

Yeah!

Tina nodded, and Shane wanted to kiss her.

You would? Bettes eyes grew huge and there was a trembling in her voice that Shane had never heard before. Would you agree to to talk with me?

For a short intense moment Shane was afraid that Tina would go blank again, but Tina visibly fought the brains natural urge to wander away from a painful situation, and the she met Bettes eyes for the first time since she entered Marinas house.

No.

No?!! Shane yelled, accompanied by Bette and, surprisingly enough, Jenny. No?

Tina directed her words at Shane, not Bette. Im not sure Im ready yet. Im sorry. Im not sure Ill ever be.

Bette obviously couldnt believe her ears. No?! she repeated. Youre not sure you ever. Bettes face crumpled and she cried, the whole body shook under the enormous pressure its owner lived under.

A Bette crying in public wasnt something that happened every day and even Tina seemed at little shocked by it.

Marina changed seats and placed a comforting arm around the shaking shoulders.

Tina and Jenny stiffened.

No. Marinas dark eyes snapped at both of them. We are not, as you so delicately express it, *****. The f-word sounded absurd coming from a woman like her and the thick accent made it almost cute. Marina eyed Jenny. So please do not begin that rant again. I do not think Bette can take much more right now. This time it was Tina who got the eye.

Tina and Jenny blushed. Tina averted her eyes. Jenny wanted to defend herself, but Shane raised a hand in a plea and she managed to stop herself in time.

Tina, Marina spoke softly now. Do you still love her?

Oh man, Shane shivered. This was bold, even for Marina, and dangerous. Never ask a question like that if youre not sure of the answer. If Tina said no. Shane couldnt comprehend how devastating it would be.

Tina struggled, not wanting to put the truth out there, not wanting to deal with the consequences.

Marina was relentless, seeming unaffected by the dangerous road she had chosen. Do you?

Bette stopped crying – and breathing. She stared at Tina, equal amount of hope and hopelessness showed in her eyes.
Tina, please, she whispered.

Marina smiled.

tbc
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