Bette sat on the couch with Angelica for some time.  If it weren’t for her daughters high energy level she was not sure how long she would have sat there in shock.  Angelica wanted to play and so Bette lost herself for an hour just reconnecting with Angelica as they did on exchange day.  She was painfully aware of Tina’s reflection in  her nose, the shape of her ears, the way she would tilt her head a bit when she was studying something, all Tina. 

            Tina.  How to respond to Tina.  She was in truth flabbergasted. For six almost seven painful months she had tired to save their relationship only to be rejected at every turn.  She had dreamed and prayed for this day.  ‘Be careful what you pray for because you will get it’ some smart aleck had said.  Now she understood the truth of that statement.  A month ago she would have been delighted.  Today she felt torn in two.

             She had tried therapy again, she had yelled, she had pleaded, she bared her soul and admitted how lost she was without the light of her life.  “I miss you” she had told Tina.  I miss you, the you who was my sunshine, the mate to my soul, my joy.  I miss you, she had told her and there was no response. She had called and told her of her struggle with the senator, wanting more than anything for Tina to care what she did, that Tina would want her only for herself.  Still nothing.  The anger took over.  The anger and pain replaced the endless tears she had shed knowing that she had killed the most important relationship of her life. 

            She didn’t blame Tina for the place they had come to.  She was quite aware that her affair with Candace was at the root of their demise.  It wasn’t Candace the woman but the need she sought to meet outside of their relationship.  Bette accepted that she was not very good at expressing her feelings.  She had tried to be the rock, the strong one in their relationship at the end, not able to turn to Tina and tell her of her pain or that she was drowning.  Candace became an escape for her.  Candace didn’t need her to be strong she just wanted her. Candace found her competent and attractive.   One of the insights that she had gained form the time she was in therapy with Dan Foxworthy was that she believed that Tina would only stay with her if she needed her.  She heard when she spoke the words out loud the truth and enormity of her own fear when she blurted out, ‘she doesn’t need me anymore’.  Those words would echo in her mind for months to come.  ‘She doesn’t need me anymore’. 

            The strength that Tina had come to display over the course of their separation and thereafter was both frightening and exhilarating for her.  She loved the return of the power and confidence that Tina had lost over the last two years of their relationship.  She was humiliated by her own loss of power and the constant criticism over her spending habits which seemed a rebuke of her value as a woman and a partner.  Tina who used to understand the importance of doing work she loved just wanted her employed.  It really hit her, when she told Tina about the strong possibility that she could be selected as the Director at MOMA and Tina said that she wasn’t sure she would go with her, that their relationship was broken in ways she couldn’t fathom. 

            Tina left her to explore feelings that she was having for men.  Just when she thought her heart couldn’t break anymore it did.  She had fought with every thing she had for this day to come and now it was here.  What the hell was she going to do?  She realized that she had changed too.  She knew that they couldn’t just pick up where they left off.  With all of the pain and damage they had done to one another she wondered if they could truly work through the ruins and reclaim the love they once shared. 

            She placed a sleeping Angelica in her crib.  She slept with the peace of an angel.  Looking at the child that was truly a reflection of her and Tina no matter what the genes said was a living testament to their love. 

            Checking to make sure the baby monitor was still on she softly closed the door.