Well, I must apologize that I have been away for so long. Unfortunately, my new job has kept me very busy and I have had very little time for much else, even sleeping and eating (ask K and Aroothey have to remind me almost every night to eat). I hope that you will find it in your hearts to forgive me.

I would like to thank everyone for worrying about me and wondering where I have been. I must thank everyone for the Emails and comments. And BTW baby, I love you and thanks for all that you have done and given me lately…you are the best!

Nowfor the words that have been gone for way TOOOOO long.

Grab whatever and enjoy!


Chapter 27

Dana couldnt believe all that had happened. It seemed like only a minute ago that she fell asleep wrapped in Laras arms, but she did not feel safe. She felt as if she was naked in front of the whole world.

The flashbulbs popped as the soloist began her beautiful, yet sorrowful rendition of Amazing Grace. Dana stood alone, the tears that had been welled up in her eyes starting to pour over the lids that once captured them. The knot that was once in her stomach was moving to her throat, past a heart that sank to the deepest depths of the universe, a universe that would forever be changed.

As all of her friends kept a respectful distance, Kit, Tina, Bette, Alice, Shane, Marina and even Jenny knew that Dana needed her space at this moment. There was one person missing that could console Dana more than anyone and that was the woman who made Dana feel safe no matter what. She was gone.

We come here today to commit the body of Sharon Fairbanks into your wonderful hands dear Lord

Sobs could now be heard escaping Danas throat, her shoulders beginning to shudder. She couldnt believe that she was burying her mother. As she looked through the tears, all she could see were strangers dressed in black. Even her friends seemed different.

What had happened? What had she done to deserve all of this pain? The death of her mother, then the loss of her lover and partner. Her world had finally started to come together. A lucrative contract with Subaru, Lara had come back into her life and her mother seemed to be doing so much better. Then without warning, her mother died and the days following seemed all to blur together. All she could remember was lashing out at whoever was near, and the one that was near was the one that she loved with all her heart.

As the Reverend finished his sermon, sobs could be heard throughout the mourners who had gathered.

If anyone would like to pay their last respects, please do so at this time. The reverend then proceeded to shake Irwin and Howies hands one last time as he passed them.

As Irwin stood there, stoned faced and numb, the mourners began to pass the casket one last time to say their goodbyes. Howie tried to imitate his father and be strong, although a tear escaped as he thought about his mother trapped in that box in front of him, never able to escape as the single tear had just done.

Dana stood there, cold and numb. Her tear stained cheeks told how she was feeling. Yet as the tennis star stood there, the daughter died there. She couldnt feel her heart beat anymore. She watched each person walk by, not saying a word, including to her friends. She watched as her father took Howie by the shoulder and placed a single red rose upon the top of the casket and left. Yet somehow, she couldnt move. Her feet were frozen in place. It seemed an eternity, and yet she didnt move. Her friends didnt know what to do. They kept a respectable distance, but they all wanted to be next to her, hugging her.

Maybe I should go see if she is ok.

Al, let her say goodbye to her mom. She has to do it on her on time and terms. Shane knew that Dana needed to be alone.

Im just worried about her. I mean look at hershe is just standing there. It is so sad.

Well Al, it is sad. She just lost her mother and Lara within days of each other. How would you feel?

Alice just stood there, knowing that Shane was right, but she knew that she needed to be there for her best friend.

Well, I must get back to The Planet. If you talk to Dana, please give her my best. Marina said goodbye to everyone, except Jenny who left with her, hand in hand.

Yes, please give her my best also. Jenny took Marinas lead.

Well, I need to get back to the CAC. We have contractors coming in all day giving me their bids for the Provocations Exhibit. Honey, are you ready?

Yeah, I will call her later. Bye guys.

See ya. I need to get too. I have a lot of appointments that I couldnt move.

Alice watched as everyone left. She knew that Dana needed someone and she was going to be there no matter what. As Alice lifted her head to look at Dana again, she saw a reporter out of the corner of her eye.

Do you mind? She just lost her mother, cant you vultures give her a moments peace to say good bye? Alice felt the anger about to boil over.

She is a public figure and the people

Before the reporter could finish, Alice got in his face, the anger exploding The people what? Have a right to be nosy in a moment of grief? The woman just lost her mother. She is grieving and that is a private thing. It isnt something for everyone to watch. Alices voice was stern and loud enough for the reporter to hear, but low enough that she didnt make a scene. Now leave her alone and get out of here.

With that, the reporter turned to his cameraman and motioned for them to leave. He knew he wasnt going to get anywhere with a pit-bull like Alice guarding Dana.

As Alice turned back around, she saw that she and Dana were the only ones left. She had no idea how long they had actually been there, nor did she care, but she knew that she needed to get Dana home. She approached Dana cautiously, barely touching her shoulder, trying not to scare her.

Dana, let me take you home.

Alice, I cant. I cant leave her alone.

Dana, please. You wont be leaving her alone. She is in your heart and she always will be. Now please let me take you home so you can get some rest. I know you havent slept in days.

Dana knew that Alice was right, her mother would be in her heart. Ok, I am a bit tired. With that, Dana took the white rose that she had been holding in her had and brought the petals to her lips and gave it one final kiss. A kiss for her mother, a kiss goodbye and placed it over the place that her mothers heart was. Her palm flattened out onto the top of the casket, Bye mom, I love you. A tear fell from Danas face and landed on the casket.

Alice approached Dana and took her in her arms. Com on Dana, lets get you home.

The ride home was silent, Dana staring out the passenger side window, barely recognizing where she was. She didnt even know it when Alice stopped her car in front of her house.

Dana, were here.

Dana seemed to snap out of her daze for a second to realize that they were at her place. As they walked up to the door, Dana could feel her emotions about to overflow. As they began to overtake her body, she burst through the door and sprinted for the bathroom. It wasnt the first time that her emotions took over her body like this.

Dana, are you ok?

The door opened slowly and Dana stepped out to face her friend. Isnt ok a relative term Alice? How can I be ok? The tears returned to her eyes as she continued. I just buried my mother, Lara will never speak to me again. Do you think everything is ok Alice?

Alice had never seen Dana like this. She didnt know what to do. All she could do was stand there and listen to Dana and let her get out her emotions.

I cant seem to get anything right. I want to know what I did so horrible that I deserve all of this. Can you tell me? Alice just shook her head no. My mother dies and what do I do, I lash out at the one person who could have helped me through this. I pushed Lara away when I should have held on to her tight.

Dana, what did happen? I thought you two were so inseparable.

We were and then I fucked it all up. The day mom The words got stuck in her throat. The day mom died, I lost it, I blamed myself. I should have been there with her, not here with Lara. My mother needed me and I was being selfish.

Dana, how in the world were you being selfish? You couldnt stay at the hospital 24/7. Alice sat down next to Dana on the couch and Dana scooted away. What?

Dont, just dont. Dana got up from the couch and walked to the other side of the room. That is what Lara said to me. And that, Dana motioned toward the couch, that is the last place I felt safe with her.

Alice got up from the couch, without Dana noticing, trying not to think what happened on that couch, although it intrigued her to wonder what it would be like to be with Dana. She had always cared for Dana a bit more than just a friend.

But Dana, where is Lara now? WHY isnt she here, where she should be?

She isnt here because of what I did and said and I cant blame her. The tears began to flow freely now as Dana began to remember the events of that night. We were supposed to meet Leslie for dinner, but of course we had to come back here. And like always, we made love. I couldnt get enough of her and she of me. A slight smile appeared on Danas face as she thought of how she felt when Laras hands would touch her. She could actually feel them as she slowly closed her eyes and continued. We fell asleep and the next thing I know I heard the phone ringing. I thought it was Leslie asking where we were because we were late for dinner. Well, I was half right, it was Leslie. The only thing was that we werent late for dinner because she hadnt gotten there either, because mom died.

Dana, Im so sorry. Alice moved in behind her best friend.

Why? You didnt do anything, except be my friend. Dana turned and looked Alice in the eyes and hugged her. I am the one who has shut down and pushed everyone away. I pushed everyone who meant anything to me away, especially Lara. I told her that if she hadnt wanted to come home and if she hadnt gotten me to make love to her I would have been there for my mother and maybe she wouldnt have died. I blamed her when I should have blamed myself. The sobs began and Danas embrace became tighter, almost desperate. I told her that I hated her and that I never wanted to see her again, but Alice, I dont I need her so badly. I need her to hold me.

Danas sobs became uncontrollable and she and Alice collapsed to the floor. Alice rocked her friend back and forth in her arms, tears running down her own face. Dana, there was nothing you could have done. It isnt anyones fault. God has a plan and it played out how it should have. You cant blame Lara or anyone, especially yourself. Lara will realize this and she will be the one holding you soon, but until then I guess I will have to do. Alice tried to get Dana to smile a bit.

Well, I guess I could have done worse. Dana laughed a bit through her tears as she looked at Alices face.

Oh you got that right, it could be Shane or Jenny here letting you cry all over their blouses.

Both women began to laugh as Alice wiped the tears from Danas cheeks.

Oh Alice, Im so sorry. Dana tried to dry the tearstain from Alices blouse.

Its ok, dont worry about it. It will be ok. Alices eyes locked with Danas and all of a sudden the air became thick. Dana, their stare never broke, Im not

Youre not what Alice?

Im not sure this is a good idea. They moved closer, they could feel each others breath on their faces.

What?

This. And with that Alice captured Danas lips. The kiss was a mixture of desperation, grief and passion. Neither one tried to stop it. It only stopped when they heard a knock at the door.

Neither could believe what had just happened. Im sorry Dana. Alice broke the embrace that she secretly never wanted to break.

KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK

Dana went to open the door. She couldnt believe her eyes. What was going on? Was God playing with her?

Hey.

Hi.

I wanted to stop by and give you this. With that, Lara handed Dana a dish of food and began to turn around.

Wait. Danas voice filled with desperation. Please dont go. Lara, please.

Dana, Lara turned to face the woman that held her heart in her hands, I am so sorry about your mother.

Thank you. Please come in, I would like to talk to you if you would allow me to.

Dana, I dont

Please. Dana reached out and touched Laras arm There are some things that we need to discuss.

Ok. Lara cautiously stepped into the doorway that held so many wonderful memories. Hi Alice.

Hi Lara. Alice knew that they needed to be alone. Ill see you later Dana. She shyly smiled at the womans whose taste was still upon her lips. If you need anything give me a call.

Thanks. I will. Dana pulled Alice into a hug. Thanks for everything.

As Dana closed the door behind Alice, she turned to see the woman who she knew that she needed to apologize to and that could send a fire throughout her body.

Lara, Dana sat the dish down, I am so glad to see you.

Me too. Lara allowed herself to be pulled into a hug, a feeling so familiar, a feeling she felt every night as she fell asleep alone in her bed. How are you holding up?

Ive been better. Dana pulled back to look into the eyes that were so easy to get lost in. But now I think I may be able to make it.
Why is that Dana?

Because of this, because of you. Danas hand caressed Laras cheek. Lara, I am so sorry. I should have never blamed you or said those things to you.

Dana, I should be the one who is sorry. You were right. I shouldnt have gotten you to come home, we should have stayed at

Stop, please. Danas hand moved over Laras soft lips It is not your fault. I was blaming myself and lashing out at you because you were so close to me. Alice and I had a talk and she reminded me that it wasnt anyones fault. I am so sorry baby, is there any way that you may ever forgive me?

Dana, there is nothing to forgive. I shouldnt have let you push me away. Lara lightly kissed the fingers that were before her. I should really go.

Please stay.

Dana, I cant. I dont live here anymore and although I love you with all my heart, I cant stay.

Danas tears ran unabashedly down her face now. Please Lara I need you. I love you. I dont have a life without you.

I cant.

With that, Lara walked out of the door and closed it behind her, severing the connection that was so strong not two seconds earlier.

Dana collapsed against the door, sobbing, this time no one was there to hold her. All she could do was mumble through her tears, Lara, please dont go. She just kept repeating that over and over.

Lara, please dont go.

Baby, Im right here.

Dana looked around and couldnt see anyone. Her heart started to race.

Dana, wake up! Lara placed her hand on Danas shoulder and startled her awake.

LARA!

What baby? You were asleep. I am right here. I just left to go and call Leslie to let her know that you were sleeping and that we were going to cancel on her tonight and take a rain check.
Dana wrapped her arms around Lara with a desperation that she had never felt before.

Baby, whats wrong?

I thought I had lost you, I thought Danas mind raced. I need find out how mom is

Baby, she is fine. Leslie was with her and said that she is doing wonderful. Lara pulled back to look into Danas eyes. Baby are you sure you are ok. She pulled Dana back into her.

I am now. Dana felt safe. She felt warm. She felt loved.