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Daily, together and apart # 25
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Previously
I felt I was dying.”
The silence prolonged itself.
“It was sad. It was heavy. It was dark and I’m sorry you guys have to pass through this because of me. I know how painful it was, not only physically.
The girls mention to interrupted, but Bette didn’t allow them.
“And I felt I needed to share… I want to tell you all, that I love you very much. That you’re very important in my life. That I’m very happy to have you here, with me. That I’m a better person because I obligate myself, because you deserve a better version of this cosmological joke that used to be me…” Again, Bette looked to her friends.
“Joy is in my heart because I’m here with my family again.”
*******************
They talked, they cried and they laughed. They showed all of themselves and their fears. What it was they thought about during the rescue and following the accident. What kind of feelings populated their minds. What was happening in their lives now. What they wanted from the future.
Suddenly the question came, but it was not addressed to Tina. It was to Bette, from Shane.
“How many times will you hold back your life for your love, Bette?”
Bette was surprised and decided to think a few seconds before she answered.
When her name, the enchanted, slipped without warning, everyone was waiting for the return.
Bette turned her head and found her target. “Tina…” And everybody was caught by complete surprise. Also Bette.
“ I …wouldn’t… think about spending, like …” She stopped finding a number. “ Like … eight years waiting for you, for example…” She nodded casually with her head to her ex lover.
“I wouldn’t wait eight years for someone.”
She wanted to generalize the thought. This was much more personal than she intended it to be.
“ I wouldn’t wait until you decided that I am truly the love of your life…”
And again her mouth and voice sabotaged her. She failed miserably, trying, shouting out her soul, so she decided to let her heart talk.
“It’s too much… too much… See… you have to find out yourself, Tina. To discover your rights and wrongs… I… I have a whole big part of myself to learn about. Then, if life brings us together again, it is because we’re ready. Because we are mature. It may be in this life or another. But ,…” Bette placed her elbows on the table. ”…one day you would see that nothing can’t freeze this flame.”
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WOW
Its like Bette has finally come to terms with everything…whether she’s with or without Tina, she HAD her and she’s honoring the time she did have with her…I loved it…pps
* bowing to Braz* My boss is fantastic! Great chapter boss! :DPPS
Awwwwww dammit you tricked me into reading a philosophy lesson. LOL! Great chapter! :D
Focussed yet serene, what a truly perferect state of mind and a great version of Bette Porter.Altogether a lovely moment in time.PPS
Translation: Ball’s in your court Tina!
Always a find piece of writing. Thank you so much Braz, for sharing your talent. I know your life and schedule has you quite a busy woman, and I’m grateful for those moments when our lives allow us the moment to connect. Your stories amaze me, and I am always moved in many a way when I am reading them. Thank your thoughtful present, it was perfect. xoxox
Facing death has allowed Bette to realize the limitations she has on controlling the events that occur in her relationships. I hope Tina is hearing the message and not just listening to the words,
WOW, what an amazing chappy Braz!!! (Turning all shades of red)Hmmmm no Braz, the “Chair” is reserved for you… your stories… I mean when I’m reading your stories. You know what I mean!!!!(wink*)Thanx for posting babe, mwahh!!!!
tough scenario when tina has realised already that bette is the love of her life; i read your comments about miscommunication between parents and their kids; imo change occurs incrementally and only when it has occurred do we look back and see the significant or transitional moment e.g. the big shift from catholicism to protestanism which was a revolutionary shift in thought at the time; yet we in the xx1 century possibly view both as archaic and even irrelevant however just to throw a spanner in the works: would we prefer anarchy or a world where there are social mores and attempts to control the worst of human behaviours such as murder, child rape, spousal abuse…I don’t think we can throw out the baby with the bath water and I think we need to re-negotiate social conventions with our elders and respect the wisdom many have gained from their life experience over 80 years. For example: I lost a son and given time since to reflect over 5 years since his death, I can see significant points in my life where instead of being arrogant in my youth I could have taken my mom’s advice and wisdom and there may have been a different out come. As I grow older and talk more with my 82 year old mom whilst we have our differences I now because I’m not a rebellious teenager appreciate her intelligence and her wisdom.I have read Foucalt etc. and do understand to what you refer but in my REAL life I’m not too sure that his theorising applies.Yes of course if one chooses for example the life of a prostitute then that is their choice and so be it they can live with the consequences BUT when little children are kidnapped or so poor and neglected that they turn to prostitution I don’t believe that is a CHOICE. I am concerned with societies that operate in such a manner of neglect to certain sections of their population that children are forced into desperate measures to survive…and therefore I am concerned with the normalisation of such activities as prostitution, drug abuse, alcoholism, murder etc as portrayed on our TVs which nowadays serve as babysitters for our children.I think human beings can strive for a better world and that should be inclusive of all genders and peoples.
Even though Bette feels peaceful and without remorse she still misses Tina and will always miss Tina. Bette is still alive and has time to get her life back on track with Tina and Angie.
It’s interesting when our thoughts go from feeling invincible to feeling that life can destroy us. It seems to go along with the maturation process suddenly we see that things aren’t infinite but finite. But I love how Bette has the understanding now in her mind that is also in her heart that she and Tina are forever, timeless. Thanks friend for bring this to us.
WOW that was amazing and love it. Please post more, thanks!
Seeing that “white light” and coming back has made Bette realize all the good things she’s had or will have in life. I’m thinking she won’t be taking any day for granted in the near future!! Great chapter Braz!!
God, that was really deep, Braz… Yes indeed, we all have to think about our lives, considering it on the very particular “if I had to die tomorrow” point of view – something simply impossible to lie about. For me, I did this kind of making-up many times in the past, with awfully bitter conclusion, and regularly since the beginning of my treatment and my personal process… Well, I’m so happy to see the huge difference now ! From the so dark days I considered myself as a total failure, seriously wondered if it really worthed to continue, until these last months that made me see the light of hope and, above all, a priceless growning sense of pride, I can truly say that my own “life checkup” finally begins to put a ray of sunshine in my sky. Some so precious positive weights on the balance : “good memories, unforgettable friends”, like Bette, and also everything I learned, everything I loved, everything I even let to others… And even, even this impossible love that full my heart for the best and the worse, for it proves that I was able to have such unconditional and desinterested feelings for someone. Thank you for bringing this essential question here, dear Braz. I needed to ask it to myself at this very moment of my life. And, as always, a lot of warm thanks for your beautiful, touching and so endearing story – I simply adore it ! ^_^ – A.
Such an emotional chapter, Braz. Love your writing. Anxious to read Tina’s reaction to Bette opening her heart.