Alice surveyed her reflection critically. The crimson cami showed well beneath the black sheer blouse, and hugged her torso snugly. Her jeans were just casual enough and along with her tousled hair combined to achieve a carefully constructed disheveled look. Satisfied, Alice turned back to her room and surveyed the approximately thirty blouses strewn from bed to closet door.

"Geez, who do you have to pay around here to keep the place picked up?" she muttered as she stepped gingerly around and over the clutter. She threw on a pair of black slings, picked up her car keys and walked out the door.

As she drove to Lara’s apartment, Alice rehearsed all the scenarios she could think of for the upcoming evening. Two ended with Alice storming from Lara’s apartment, one with Lara calling the police, three in Lara’s bedroom, and one, inexplicably, with Alice covered in feathers clutching a microphone drunkenly singing "Love Shack" as Lara held a flaming lighter aloft while gyrating in time to the music.

Alice shook her head and turned the CD player off, silencing the B-52s for the moment. She could feel the tension building in her stomach as she neared Lara’s place. On the one hand, she was looking forward to seeing Lara, but on the other she was nervous at the prospect of actually talking about their relationship. Alice still struggled with the fact that she and Lara had ended up in bed together so quickly after Dana’s death.

She remembered the night of the memorial, when she’d driven to Dana’s apartment because she ached to touch something that had belonged to her best friend. She hoped to catch a final scent of Dana clinging to a pillow or blouse before everything was packed up and stored neatly in a Fairbanks closet. She was heartsick at the ultimate denial that the elder Fairbanks had orchestrated during the funeral, and while the spreading of Dana’s ashes had soothed some of the anger, Alice was still left feeling broken and bruised. A few minutes alone at Dana’s might bring some solace.

Instead, she found Lara sitting on the stoop like a lost child. Alice remembered vividly the numb look and her huddled form as they locked eyes. It had seemed to her that she was looking into a mirror. It had been a surreal evening and when Lara leaned in for a kiss, they lingered and deepened the embrace. The kiss had served the purpose—it brought Alice closer to Dana in a more physical way than she’d thought possible. It was after that evening that Alice began her routine of self-medication. She wanted to feel, but she was desperately afraid of feeling anything for Lara.