I am pulled back into reality when she pulls away, when I open my eyes and it isn’t her. I can’t do this anymore, I can’t my heart breaking every day when I wake up and she isn’t there. That when I kiss her I image…I think of her of how we use to be. God dam nit why the hell did she have to remember red velvet cake?

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It feels like she has my heart in her hand, that she is slowly squeezing the life out of it when she looks at me like that. That she is stomping on it when she leans in for that kiss, fuck I think I’m going to be sick. I can’t look away from them, it’s killing me and I can’t stop thinking of how I want that to me. I feel so dizzy, the room spinning around them; I fight the urge to break them apart. To stop myself from kissing her, hitting her for touching my girl…my girl.

“Shane, are you going to sit down or what?” thank god for Alice, she can always seem to pull me out of the water before I drown. “Or are you still mad about that whole dance thing?”

“Why would she be mad, I mean it worked right?” Fuck, shut up Syd, shut up, shut up just read my mind and shut up.

“WHAT!” all there voices ringing in as one, Alice spitting out her coffee covering Bette’s paper.

“fuck Alice, look what you did.” god they could make even the most uncomfortable moments funny, the way Bette is trying to save her work and how Alice is really making it worse with that little napkin. “No stop you’re just spreading it around, no…don’t do that. Can I…can I get a cloth or something over here?”

For a minute I almost forget about her, I almost forget that I don’t have her. Well at least I have them right, if only it was enough.

“Nice job Alice, maybe next time you can try swallowing your drink.” it’s all I can think to say, it’s probably the only thing that I’m going to get to say.

“Yeah shut up Shane, we can’t all be smooth players all the time like you.” Every one just laughs at her attempts to defend herself. I look at Syd and she’s lucky that Alice is a klutz sometimes.