I couldn’t stop myself from glancing over at my father, it was so distracting. I knew I was being rude but I just couldn’t think about anything else. He was in the same room as me, my father; the liar, cheater and deserter of my family. I glanced down thinking that’s what I would be if I went to LA with Millie, I would be no better than him.

Trix, is everything ok? Millie whispered into my ear.

Bette had begun talking to another artist and asked Tina if she had wanted to join her but Tina refused the invitation. Millie had been keeping a steady rapport with the blond but my distant behaviour had not gone unnoticed.

Im fine Mill, really just ignore me.

I looked back to Tina, who was just smiling politely at us, even though she was probably dying to know what was going on.

Just go over and talk to him. Millie hissed in my ear.

I don’t want to talk to him.

I shouldn’t of sounded so stern, I let go of her hand, folding my arms across my chest. Well that was one way to make everything a ***** of a lot more awkward.

Im going to get a drink. I said, walking off before Millie could give me any more words of wisdom.

The table covered in expensive nibbles that contained ingredients I had never heard of before only turned my stomach. I went straight to the selection of alcohol and picked up a glass of champagne and downed it. The fizzy liquid burned my chest and I picked another one up.

We need to talk.

My back tensed up, well at least his voice hadn’t changed as well as his sexuality. I turned around, thinking I could be strong but coming face to face with him again only made me falter. Unlike earlier I couldn’t meet his eyes, they were still laced with pain and regret. No that I had any sympathy for him.

I don’t have anything to say to you.

He took my arm and I shrugged it off roughly.

Who is that woman youre with B?

I laughed, a scornful laugh that sounded alien from my mouth, I didn’t even recognise myself. I hated the person he turned me into, I suddenly wanted Millie next to me, supporting me. But I knew this was my battle and her presence wouldn’t exactly help matters.

None of your business. I said bluntly staring at a spot on the floor, my anger bubbling up.

Youre just as stubborn as your mother.

That was it, I couldn’t believe he had said that. He really had changed, my father would not have said that. The father which had loved my mother and loved the family he had made with her would never have said those words.

How dare you.

He sighed, stepping even closer towards me. I wouldve moved back but he had trapped me between the table and himself. There was no where for me to turn, so I would just have to face him. I finished off the drink in my hand and slammed it down on the table.

Beatrice, come on lets go somewhere private. He said under his breath, taking my arm again.

Why, are you ashamed to be seen with your daughter, do your new friends even know you have a family? Well I wouldn’t want to embarrass you daddy, not like you embarrassed mum, I wouldn’t want you feeling bad for walking out on your five year old son. The venom in my voice made him wince and he pulled on my arm.

I was not going to be dragged off like a misbehaving child. He was not going to have the dignity in that, he no longer had that kind of authority over me. I shook off his hand again and placed my hands on my hips, feeling the flush of alcohol giving me a rush of confidence.

Ok William, where do you want to rekindle our relationship that you so adamantly care about?

Now I was up close I could see the wrinkles around his eyes, the tired and gaunt look his face had taken on. I had always loved giving my dad a hug when I was younger, now there was nothing left of him. He was a ghost of his former self.

I felt my exterior soften slightly, the memories of childhood was his last saving grace from stopping me walking out of his life for good.

Follow me. he said under his breath.

I took a deep breath and glanced over at Millie, she was standing close to Tina and they looked as though they were deep in discussion. I felt a twinge of jealousy, what could they be talking about that was so interesting. A thought popped into my head but I pushed it away, Millie wouldn’t tell her about my dad would she? A woman I hardly even knew? No, I trusted Millie with my private life that’s why I told her right, because I trusted her? I trusted a woman I had known for three weeks…

I shook myself, my thoughts spiralling out of control. I looked over to see my dad standing in the doorway, motioning for me to join him. With one last glance at Millie, who was now laughing with Tina, I walked towards my father.

How could she do this to me, be laughing with a beautiful woman whilst I went through the hardest thing in my life. I wished Lizzie was here, she would make everything all right, she would at the very least get drunk with me anyway.

I followed him out, feeling my jaw tense at leaving Millie alone with Tina. I didn’t know why I felt like I did, I trusted both of them. OK I didn’t know Tina but she seemed so nice and Bette was in the same room and her and Millie were friends so they wouldn’t do anything anyway. But I couldn’t think about my petty jealousy now, I had to concentrate on my father.

He led me into a room down a long, dark corridor. It was pitch black when we walked in and I heard him shuffle about and click on a alight. We were in a study, books covered the walls and dust covered everything else.

My father leant back against the antique oak writing desk, bowing his head for a moment before looking up to meet the eyes of his daughter.

Youve grown up so much B.

I was about to say something hurtful back, the amount of sarcastic comments I had in my verbal arsenal as a come back to that remark was vast. But instead I just held his eyes, all I wanted was answers now. If we argued then I would just end up getting upset and I had already given him the pleasure of seeing that once tonight. No, now I was going to show him how much I had in fact grown up since he had last bothered to speak to me.

I just want to know why; why walk out now, after thirty years of marriage, why hurt your family…why not tell me?

He sighed again and rubbed his eyes as if he were tired already.

There are lots of answers to those questions B, I don’t really know where to start.

How about start with the truth because mum has told me practically nothing and to be honest I don’t want to hate you dad, but right now I do and I would like you to change that. I said, looking for somewhere to sit; suddenly feeling as tired as my dad seemed to be.

I went over to an old leather chair in front of him and sat down, crossing my legs and arms. Finding the only comfort available from myself. Off in a distant part of the building there was the sound of tapping glass, as if someone were about to give a speech. My dad looked up at the sound.

Dinner is being served. he said to me, a weak smile across his lips.

Ive lost my appetite.

He nodded in agreement, casting a proud glimmer in my direction before guilt took over his expression again.

Im sorry Ive disappointed you, Im sorry I abandoned my family and Im sorry you had to find out like this.

I didn’t find out like this, I found out when mum came round and told me in about five minutes only to rush off again before I could even ask any questions. I corrected him, watching him hang his head in shame again.

So, what did she tell you? That I ran off to have an extravagant affair with my new boy toy and left her and Tommy without so much as a good-bye?

I narrowed my eyes, uncrossing my arms to fiddle nervously with my fingers in my lap. I had a bad feeling about this, just like Id had all night. But it was different this time, this was the kind of bad feeling you get when youre a kid and you hear the phone ring in the middle of the night when everyone is in bed. And you just know its going to be bad news, because why else would anyone call at such an inappropriate time. Then you have to wait with that feeling of dread growing in the pit of your stomach, listen out for the shouting or the cries of sadness from your parents room.

I cleared my throat, hoping I didn’t convey the weakness in my voice.

Mum told me you left to be in a ***** relationship.

So she left out the fact that it had been her who told me to leave, it had been her who blackmailed me to have another child with her even when she knew I was sleeping with men behind her back?

I swallowed, the room fell away. I was now wondering if I did want to hear this, I wished I could be a child then and be told lies to keep me happy. Sometimes the truth was harder to come to terms with, and this was no exception.

This has been going on since Tommy was born?

He looked up at me then, there was nothing about his face that showed any pride or relief to be telling me this. He looked thoroughly disgusted, as if there was a bad taste in his mouth. Of course that would be the truth of his words that tasted so bad, seeing as he had gotten so used to the sugar coated version.

Before then, a long time before. Our marriage was a joke, I only married your mother because I got her pregnant and it was the descent thing to do then; marry and look after your family financially.

Oh please, youre trying to tell me that you stayed married to mum and pretended to be happy for thirty years, just because you didn’t want to brake the family up? I asked, I couldn’t believe this was his excuse.

Well, hed lasted thirty years, what harm would another thirty do. At least then Tommy wouldn’t have to go through growing up with a broken family. As these thoughts sank in I could feel them ebbing away immediately as the sympathy for this old, misunderstood man began seeping into my mind.

I don’t know if you remember your mums father but he could be very persuasive when he wanted to be, especially when it came to his precious daughter and her happiness. My father said, his words shook with the pain of the past.

I had no idea any of this was going on, I had managed to live my whole life in a house full of lies. My memories of child hood seemed nothing more than mediocre now, what I had thought had been a normal, functional family environment had turned out to be anything but.

So what made you leave now? Why put Tommy through what you felt so important to save me from?

He was silent for a moment, then met my eyes. A wry smile shimmered on his lips and a love that had been lost somewhere along the way shone in the depths of his eyes.

It was all for you B, youre the one thing which kept me in that house. I couldn’t bare to leave you; my little B, the only good thing I managed to salvage from my life. he looked away again, the shadow cast back over his face. But Tommy, I love him. Of course I love him but your mother seemed to covert him as her own and push me away, as if my purpose had been for filled.

I shook my head, this was a lot to take in. So all the years living with a husband who could never love her, turned my mum crazy. Not that anyone should have to go through that, but to live with it every day and to just ignore it mustve been *****. For both of them, a living *****. I understood then, it was hard but I understood why my dad left.

I never had a clue. I said quietly as our thoughts consumed us.

Then it was all worth it B, I only wanted to protect you.

We held each others eyes, I could feel the tears stinging mine again. I stood up and went over to him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. Holding him as I felt his body shudder from the tears that had been waiting to surface for thirty years. His arms came up to hold me back and a million memories of when he had held me as a child came back to me. It was still the same, apart from him being less cuddly, but he still smelt like my dad. The weathered skin of his cheek still felt the same against my own, his hands that always caught me when I fell were still as safe and secure.

Im sorry I was such a ***** dad. I whispered, stroking his thinning hair.

He laughed, sniffing the tears away.

I never taught you that word B.

I smiled, pulling back to look into his eyes. The cornflower blue of his iriss glistened with water, but they were tears of happiness now. I brushed his cheeks, I had missed our closeness so much. It seemed like forever since I had felt this to my father. We had always been such a good team, our own private gang of two. Then I grew up and he was no longer cool enough, except I still confided in him. When a friend upset me, or a boyfriend annoyed me, it would be him Id turn to for advice.

I felt bad for behaving how I did, but I had been lashing out due to the hurt. I guess all those years ago we had seen something similar in our souls, but it was only now we were older and following our paths of life that it had become clear.

It might not have been perfect and we both made our mistakes, but we were only human. All we could do was move on and grow from the past, leaving it behind us where it belonged and moving on wiser and more complete as people.

So you going to tell me who that woman is now?

I smiled, looking down into his kind eyes.

Are you going to tell me who he is?

He laughed, standing up from our embrace and taking my hand.

I would be more than happy to introduce my beautiful and mature daughter to him, just as long as you introduce your hansome and intelligent father to her?

I held his hand tightly, smiling up at him.

Sounds good to me.