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Bisous; #17
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My body went limp as I was flung backwards like a rag doll, falling onto the road. Numbness swelled through my body; I couldn’t feel anything.
“Babe…” I heard Tash scream.
That was the last thing I heard before everything went black.
And then, there was nothing.
***
I have often been told that moments before you die, you’ll see your life flash before your eyes.
I remember my parents and my childhood. I remember meeting Bette; I remember her laughter and the way her eyes lit up when she smiled. I remember when I realized I loved her, I remember how she smelled and the way she looked when she was sad. I remember Tasha and our first kiss. I remember the look in her eyes when she had overheard Kat and I talking, I remember hearing her call out my name.
I couldn’t quite place what had happened neither did I know where I was. Flickers of color and glimmers of light faded into this black abyss. The intense pain gave way to a numbness that spread through to my toes; I couldn’t feel a thing.
Was I dead?
Was this retribution for all my misdeeds?
Is this my punishment for hurting so many people and making the wrong choices with my life?
Oh, God. I don’t want to die. Please God, don’t let me die. There are still so many things I want to do with my life, so many words I have left unspoken to so many people. I don’t want to leave with this regret.
It’s funny when you’re trapped in a dark room with only your thoughts. You think back to those pivotal moments when you could have made better decisions.
How did I ever decide to be an escort. How I wasted my life away being secretly in love with my best friend, and never telling her. How much I had hurt her by lying to her; hurt everyone by lying to all of them.
If I had one more chance, how I would change so much of it.
God, I know my mistakes, please give me a chance to change all of that.
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OMG… oh Cousin of mine… that was so very heartbreaking… but yes I trust in you to fix this… you are such an amazing soul… you take these characters into places that hide not only the ugliness of our fears but also the beauty that can lie within… with each stroke of your masterful pen you weave such beautiful imagery… even in your suffering you give us hope… for Helena might learn to ‘see’ in a different light, even tragedies can have there blessings… I really do hope that Bette can come to a realization that her love for Helena is ‘real’ we might try to outrun our fears but it is in facing them that we are complete… you my dearest amazing Cousin I send all my love and hugs, JC (Latin Nephew to our Beautiful Salsa Angels)
Eunichicky tricky wicky–I read this earlier today but couldn’t comment because my Blackberry won’t allow the little pop-ups. So ALL day I thought of how much I was going to cuss you out for blinding my girl with the most beautiful eyes….OK I see you are really hell bent on causing massive pain not just to Helena but to your readers too….I think you need to go back into your bombshelter for another day and come out with a-Helena-just-getting-grazed-by-the-car-story-line.
Oh Euni are you being a loony, I felt like poor Helena was drownding and just under the serface and couldn’t breach the surface for anything, that was terrible. This is going to turn out where Tina and Tasha are sitting in some pub doing the drowning of their sorrows isn’t it? Thank you, Md
i am hanging off the cliff you just put us all on! That was amazing, i almost jumped when it was bette by her bedside. I think you and I have dual minds because i was thinking of having a similar situation in neon towards the end…i haven’t got there yet, of course….omg, i can’t wait for more of this…and as for girl troubles, it seems that they’re clearing up, but if something happens you (and JC, because he’s my buddy too *muah*) will be the first to know
What can I say to that…well first, I gotta get up off the floor and try get some feeling back inot my numb legs:)euni…that was absolutely amazing…im actually speechless..the way you mad eit so visual, her pain, her fear..left me gasping at every sentence. Thank you for that..It was absolutely mind blowing…and you know what…after that…Helena can have Bette…she deserves here (Tibetters out there..don’t kill me for that statement…)
Waaaah! You have me dangling on a cliff, E! *sniff, sniff* That was so good. Bette? Please let it be Bette. Please, pretty please. And I can’t believe I’m saying this but I want a BeLena for this story. So good, E. So good. Now… back to your questions, missy. Keep them coming! I’m having a good laugh at them. And thanks for keeping your word re: posting today. ;) Mwah!
You have a totally amazing story here. The intense factor as well as the drama works quite well together. So now I guess it’s time for some therapy for our girl. Now we know Bette didn’t go through with the ceremony, right? So I hope this is a point in Helena favor. As for Tasha I can’t help but have a soft spot for her with Helena. I know a Belena supporter. They are going to burn my Belena card and then kick me out of the club. Excellent writing as always!
Wow..that’s all I can say…I read every word with anxious anticipation…well done…I am still tormented, but it hurts so good, you are doing an awesome job with this story…can’t wait until the next post…Cheers
OMG! That was SO good! Talk about intense! I have to go and read that again. I read it so fast that I got to the end too quickly! When she felt comfortable and safe and good and stuff, I thought, “BETTE! It’s gotta be Bette!” I love Tasha as a really great friend, but this is a Belena saga. You’re doing such a great job of putting the readers right there in each and every moment. We’re holding our breath and inching toward the edge of our seats, waiting anxiously, trying to be there for whatever happens next. This is the story I thought about when I turned on my computer. I was really hoping there would be an update! Thank you so much for starting my day with a smile just for posting. Now, as for the other emotions, well… you’re driving me crazy!!!. LOL! But in a great way! I love this story! You’re twisting me this way and that, but I’m loving the experience! EU ROCKS! =) PPS!
Holy shit…wow i m stunned.i hope that it is Bette it was so emotional i felt like i was there jeez im nearly crying. Wheres Tash though i do wonder…I mean i love Tash, but she reminded me of Bette when she needed time and walked away from Helena when she needed them both.She changed her life for Bette then Bette leaves i mean what the hell the wedding???and then she meets Tash who ya think maybe she wont break Lena’s heart but she will find her way back to Bette.But damn not like this but i hope she does lose her sight…but Bette will always be beautiful to her.Great update im missing Teenage Love Affair…i need my fix…i beg of you to update as soon as you possible remember i need my next hit lol so to speak…love Caramel your LoyalFan x
Poor Tasha,she gets kicked to the curb so often. Hate to see Tina get hurt,but lools like she will.Got to go where you heart is,and both Bette and helena it will be each other. Get Hrlrna completely well tho. thanks
Absolutely amazing! My aren’t you a brave girl, whether using the bomb shelter or not…(Heheh)…to take yourself through this torturous trip…how difficult it must have been to write…Indeed, how difficult this leg of Helena’s journey was to read! Incredible writing! Now!!! FIX IT! :) please?