Suddenly aware that she had no idea how long she had sat in her thoughts Tina glanced at her watch–she was shocked to realize that 2 hours had passed in what seemed like a matter of minutes. As if out of nowhere the realization of what the passage of time must have felt like to Bette who waited somewhere inside with no idea of her thoughts or feelings caused Tina to find her feet and head toward the patio doors.

Bette

As she watched Tina retreat into the night Bette felt herself slipping closer to the edge of a pit that she was all too familiar with. Forcing herself to breath Bette thought again about who she had been and what she had done. This knowledge had been her constant companion for many years but she had managed to keep the monster from chewing on her self esteem by setting the past away in a place that her mind no longer entered. Damn you Monique for taking me back there. Damn you to hell Bette screamed inside. Now every aspect of that night surged through her soul. The pain, anger, fear and the feeling of victimization she had felt that night cut fresh wounds into her with every passing second.

God how she had hated having to tell T about what she had been like, if only there had been another way but there had been no other way. Now she sat alone waiting for the woman she loved to decide whether she could continue to love her knowing what she now knew. All the control she had fought for and gained in her life she would gladly forfeit right now but she knew she couldn’t follow–if she followed there would be no question she would lose everything. Forcing her fear down and her legs to move Bette walked toward the kitchen and the fridge–before she realized it her hand had clasped a beer and was about to pop the top. Oh no you don’t that is the last thing you need right now girl she told herself as she placed the bottle back inside. What was she going to do while Tina dealt with the bomb that she had landed on her. It could be hours till everything sunk in. God I can’t live with this uncertainty for hours. Fuck!! From deep inside herself Bette knew that she had to somehow, she would wait as long as she had to.