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    Tomb Raider – Bette Porter L Word

    Story written on April 19, 2014 by Blackbird.
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    7 votes, average: 5.00 out of 57 votes, average: 5.00 out of 57 votes, average: 5.00 out of 57 votes, average: 5.00 out of 57 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5 (7 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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    Character(s): , , , , ,
    Number of Comments: 11
    Words: 3370
    Story Shortlink: https://assertive-maroon-jellyfish.104-250-143-187.cpanel.site/?p=85091
    Author Notes:

    “What are we doing?” I whisper as we hide behind American and Knights of Columbus flags in a small storage room at the rear. I peak through a crack in the doorway. The sanctuary is empty after the service. “We’re breaking her out of here. Don’t you think?” Alice waves the cup in front of

    “What are we doing?” I whisper as we hide behind American and Knights of Columbus flags in a small storage room at the rear. I peak through a crack in the doorway. The sanctuary is empty after the service.

    “We’re breaking her out of here. Don’t you think?” Alice waves the cup in front of me. A baked in smell of old coffee wafts up.

    “I get it.” I push the cup away from my face.

    “I need you to distract anyone while I steal her ashes.”

    My hand on the knob. “Let’s go on three. I’ve always wanted to say that.”

    “What do you mean? It’s not even two o’clock yet? We can’t wait around here for another hour. You go now!” She shoos me out from hiding.

    God, the last place I want to be is back in this bad memory I thought I had fled successfully ten minutes ago. But Alice is right. We must help Dana escape.

    I hear the voices of my friends gathered in the vestibule. I know they’re feeling left out at not being invited to Dana’s parent’s home. Here’s an idea. Take a ball peen hammer and smash your thumb with it instead. I’m very irritated with all straight people today.

    “Bette, I thought you had left?” Helena walks down the main aisle. I turn around and see that Dana’s urn is gone. Good job, Alice, halfway there.

    “Are we the last ones here?”

    “I think her family’s still here upstairs.” Helena motions behind her.

    “Where is Tina? Is she still here?”

    “We’re heading back to the studio now. She’s outside on the phone.” Helena bites her lip and leans in toward me. She whispers, “To tell the truth she’s a bit miffed at me at the moment, I think.”

    “That’s too bad.” I don’t mean it. However much I may want to deny the obvious patterns and parts of our misfortune, Helena and I are in sync as we turn toward a sharp repetitive metallic clinking sound.

    “What the bloody hell?” I stop Helena as she heads toward the noise.

    “It’s Alice. Apparently she can’t unscrew Dana’s urn and is now bashing it to pieces. Jesus Christ!”

    “You’re serious, aren’t you?” Helena looks positively gleeful.

    “I’m the look out.” I tag Helena’s arm, “and now you’re “It”. Stay here and don’t let anyone past you. I’m going to check on what the fuck is taking so long.”

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    Comments

    1. Another home run! So funny,witty but macabre and sad. Although, I wouldn’t like it if someone stole my loved one’s ashes but the scene was still freakin’ funny.

    2. Damn! this is hilarious!….So funny that i want to see that it played out on my tv screen!…
      Helena and Bette kiss? lmao..and she want to kiss Bette more? Alice is panicking?!
      “We’re coming Dana. Just hang in there.” Alice looks up at me desperately. “I can’t get the fucking thing open!” She cries…what about when Tina comes in and saw the”kiss”… :P precious!
      azmama was right..you’ve got another home run here.

    3. Bette kissing Helena and Tina walking on them. Hilarious! I pay good money to see that! I am so glad that Tina is going to talk to Bette about what happened to Lucy and her. Thanks for making Henry not there during the talk.

    4. Well my friend, you worked that one out quite well. So proud of you and your writings similar to spider webs, so precise yet riveting in beauty and flow. I laughed my butt off picturing in my mind that scene in the church playing out with the ashes and the kiss. It was an ending fit for the beauty of Dana and who she had become.
      Ahhh, a turn toward home….
      I like how you introduced the letter and conversation with Tina as a point in her life that I think Bette deserves an explanation for. The history between them warrants it. Hendick is still too fresh.
      I’m beaming for the journey. Your voice and style are incredibly right on with this story writing.
      Thank you for your gifts to us!

    6. the story is hilarious and sad. the funny part was helena and bette “kiss” lol. .yeah they hated each other. alice is a great character. i can’t believe about dana “died” in the show. you have done a marvelous job writing. as I always said, keep up the good work. i enjoyed your story.. now i am going to read the other story “Milkyway”

    7. Absolutely LOVED it.Top to bottom.Can u imagine the URN STEALING being played out on the small screen?So much better &funnier than 17REASONS

    8. Really liked this. It has all the emotions and was funny too. Would have loved to have seen the Helena/Bette kiss on screen with JB, LuH and RS!

      • SassyGran, Thank you! This was a really fun and amusing to write to imagine how the group of friends ended up with Dana’s ashes in the first place. Dana’s family had been very protective and dismissive of Dana and her friends. And then to conceive of the scenario of them stealing Dana’s ashes from the stuffy “blind the obvious” church in the Republican stronghold of Orange County.

        Another story that I had a blast writing was imagining was, Tomb Raider. Where would Bette go for baby kidnapping supplies when she spirited Angelica away from Shane’s botched wedding? Naturally, for the purposes of GIVING Bette a complete, “Fish Out of Water” moment I chose, WalMart. Bette Porter in a WalMart for the first time in her life and in the mood she was in amused me no end. I hope it did you, too.

        It is there she finds her wonderful prop that repeats a few more times to great effect in my WeHo series, Bette’s Bowie Knife. That scary treacherous thing so matched her boiling mood at times that she had to bring it out again and again for all its menacing glory. I can’t remember all the times she flashed it for her satisfaction and mine but they were all great moments.

        Thanks for reading! Thanks for commenting! And most of all – THANKS for enjoying yourself so thoroughly.

        Blackbird

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