Pulling myself away from the art in which Ive become engrossed, I look at the clock. 4:30, it stares back at me. Ill return those phone calls then Ill go grab an early dinner. Im not all that hungry after lunch with Dana, but I dont want to face Tina on an empty stomach.

Phone calls done, I tell James to enjoy his weekend on my way out. I think Ill go grab a salad at the deli down the street. Besides putting something in my stomach, this will give me the opportunity to compose my thoughtsthoughts that have been racing through my mind all week. What will I say if she asks me why? I still havent figured that out myself. Dan Foxworthy once asked me if I had criedafter losing the babyI told him that I didnt need to cry. I felt like I was coping with my grief by helping Tina through hers. But she moved on so quicklyI still have all this pain insideat times I feel like theres so much pain in my heart, its squeezing my chestand I cant breathe. She just moved on too fastI couldnt copeI needed to lose myselfto feel the pain go away. I had to breathe again.

Order up! The man behind the counter calls to the waitress, startling me back to my senses.

Betteyou sound like you blame Tina for the affair. Thats not rightyou have to think about your own actions in this. Why? Why did you run to Candaceinstead of your own wife? There were so many other things wrong with us. How can I talk about the affair without talking about everything else? How can I get past my issues of trusting Tina with my deepest insecuritiesif she can ever forgive me for Candace? My salad lost its appeal about five minutes ago so I decide to pay my bill and head over to Alices. I guess nows as good a time as any.

I approach the door and hesitate. What do I say to Tina if she opens the door instead of Alice? Think Bettethe same thing youll say to her when Alice lets you inIF Alice lets you in. Do I really want her to do that though? It would be so much easier to just go home and wallow in self pity than to go in there and face Tina. Before my brain has a chance to catch up with my body, I hear the knock. I look to see my hand, clenched in a fistrapping on the door. Its too late now. Steady yourselfyou have to face the music eventuallyjust do it and get it over with.