The sun had just begun to set as we headed out the door to the restaurant for dinner. Carmen was still not looking me directly in the eye, and it hurt more than words can say. But I guess I do deserve it.

The drive was short. I opened the door of the car for her, she managed to smile a little, which I appreciated. Walking into the restaurant I wrapped my arms around her waist.  We waited to be seated, it was a pretty nice place.

As we sat down, I was thinking of asking her something that I knew might be a little risky. But I figured, what the hell, it can’t hurt.

"Carmen, babe can you please forgive me? I know I fucked up big time and I really want to make it up to you. You mean so much to me, and I’d be completely fucked if I ever lost you."

"Yeah Shane? Did you think about that while you fucked her? Or after? I can’t fucking deal with this. You know how I feel about you, and if you keep taking advantage of that, I don’t know if I’ll stick around much longer." 

Not going to lie, that last part stung a little bit. But I guess I am going to have to suck it up if I want to keep her around. I can’t going around lying to the people I care about anymore. It’s time to make some huge changes. Or else I am going to lose the person that I care about most. 

"Can we just forget about the past? I know that’s a lot to ask, considering, but can we just start over? I don’t want to be like this anymore, really. I swear. You mean more to me than anything else in this world. More than any other girl, drugs, partying. Fuck all that stuff."

"If you promise Shane. If you break that promise, I’m gone."

Carmen had tears in her eyes. 

I hated seeing her like this, especially when I knew it was all my fault. 

We finished our dinner in silence. 

Carmen drove home, and didn’t say another word until we were about to get into bed to go to sleep. 

She kissed me on the forehead and said, "I believe in you Shane. I know you can be a better person, I really do."

Just hearing that let me know that I still have her, and I don’t intend on losing her anytime soon.