“Did you know pigs ***** for 30 minutes?” Alice laughed reading another fact at out of a “1001 weird facts” book that she’d found in her bookshelf while cleaning out one weekend.
“Alice, frankly, I don’t care what pigs do in their spare time” Bette laughed, Alice had been quoting out of this damn book for the past day and a half and it was driving everyone crazy. Tina rolled her eyes as Alice flicked through another page then put the book down, a strange look in her eyes. Dana immediatly noticed it, taking Alices hand in her own.
“Whats wrong?” Dana asked, concerned.
“In my next life, I WANNA BE A PIG!”

Tina arrived in a few minutes, seeing everyone at the table contorting their arms in weird ways and sticking their tongues out.
“What the bloody ***** is going on?” She asked, sitting down. It’d been a week since she’d left hospital, her left arm still in a cast.
Bette blushed, looking up and seeing Tina’s very confused face.
“Alice’s book said it was impossible to lick your elbow, so we thought we’d try it out” She said, looking very embarrased. Tina laughed so hard she nearly fell out her chair.
“Sneezing seems to be a real health hazard..” Alice said, continuing to read through the facts.
” ‘If you try to prevent yourself from sneezing, you can pop a blood vessel in your heart or neck and die’, So its death or spraying your salad all over your date? Fantastic…” Tina laughed, taking the book off Alice.
” ‘When you sneeze, all your bodily functions stop, even your heart’ ” Alice exclaimed, eyes widening. Tina nearly choked on her mouthful of breakfast, coughing. Bette thumped her on the back until the coughing subsided.
“Thanks Bette, I think my spine has now met with the front of my sternum” Tina laughed, sitting up, her face red.
” ‘While sneezing, if you try to keep your eyes open by force, they can pop out” Alice suddenly looked horrified, checking to make sure her eyes were still there.
“On average, 13 people die per year from vending machines falling on them….what the ***** is this Alice?” Tina laughed, sitting at a table in the Planet. Alice and Dana had the job of guarding her until Bette’s surprise was ready and they thought the best way to entertain her, was to bore her silly with Alice’s fact book.
“The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates ***** by ripping the male’s head off” Tina read out, her face a picture of shock and surprise. Alice actually did fall off her chair laughing, after all she had had a few!
“That takes angry ***** to a whole new level” She said, coming up from under the table, still laughing. “Starfish don’t have brains…I know people like that” Tina giggled, looking at Alice who whipped the book out of Tinas hands.
“Hey….Right handed people live an average of 9 years longer than left handed people…” Alice said.
“Polar bears are left handed, so that means they live an average of 9 years less” She laughed to herself.
“Oh god…!” Tina and Dana both let their heads hit the table. It was going to be a long night.


“Can I have your attention please? I’d like to dedicate this song to a very special, very beautiful lady down there…Tina….babe, this is from me to you” Bette said, standing on stage with a microphone.
Tina froze, her heart thumping in her chest. So this was what Bette was planning. Tears errupted behind her eyes as she stared at her beautiful wife standing, almost shyly on stage. Her heart was swept away by love and emotion as Bette began to sing.

You’ll never know how pretty you are
But I can see the magic in your stars
Now there’s something that I want to do
to capture this moment for you