“Babe….it’s not your fault.”

“You don’t get it Carm…it’s always been my fault.  I won that race in the Mojave and everything has been down hill for both of us. I won that race, Havoc ran your girl down that same night, you getting put on his case….meeting me….falling for me. you getting shot by Havoc following me and Dana and Havoc…. Havoc killing Dana….shooting you for the fucking Moon Lights…… for me cause he was insane to think he loved me….Roxy …cause of fucking Roxy….fuck. you loosing your memory, Havoc killing Dana….”

“Shane you said that already…..Dana you where close with her…you loved her…..I can see it…..”

“You see that’s what I am trying to tell you Carm…Dana she was married. …….she was married to her agent…her sports agent…Conrad…..Conrad Voynow….She kept Fairbanks for the uh…the tennis stuff…..and…yeah he took our kid….he blames me for Dana getting killed…and he wants to kill me. you and Marco are just bait……”

Yep all this. All these lines, ropes around the world all connecting to me. You could draw it out on a chart like a tree…limbs and leaves all leading back to me. like a bad movie or something.

Dana. God I didn’t even think about her anymore since she got killed by Havoc. It feels like a million years ago just thinking about Havoc and that whole Bakersfield thing. I was so removed from all that. The whole thing was so far away;  and now it was back. A life I couldn’t seem to shake. Every time I thought I was free from it, every time I thought that I was done with it…some new element would bake it’s way into my existence sending everything in swirl.

With my head feeling like it was underwater my soul felt like it was being sucked out of me. I couldn’t look at Carmen and tell her once again the life she didn’t pick…..I just couldn’t look at her. this fucking asshole….fucking Havoc still getting us from the grave.

God damnit.

“Shane…..Shane…look at me. please. This is not your fault. It’s not. These are choices that….aren’t your responsibility….it’s a connectivity that won’t shake us….I can’t explain it….but it’s not your fault honey….now….tell me word for word what he said and let’s go get our baby back….ok…”