Bette felt it. She felt all of the feelings of the last 7 and a half months finally surfacing. She did not know how to handle the torrent of emotion that was threatening to loosen itself upon Bette.

No she thought. She could not do this, she could not handle this.

Her arms fell from Tinas waist.

Tina felt the change in Bette, felt her hold on Tina lighten and then drop all together. She then felt Bettes hands that were no longer around her waist, move between them, pushing on Tinas stomach, trying to push Tina away. Tinas mind screamed NO, do not let her do this!

Bette needed to get out of this embrace, out of this room, out of this apartment. She could not breathe and felt that hysteria was quickly approaching.

Tina listened to her brain and knew that if she let Bette pull away, she would never get a chance with her again. She had to control this situation and lead Bette away from the precipice that she was approaching.

Bette continued to push and Tina finally wrenched Bettes hands from her midriff while pulling Bette back towards her angrily.

God damnit Bette! Stop it! Tina screamed at her. Stop it right now! Tina was crying as well, her ability to keep her emotions in check had long gone.

Bette didnt hear her though and continued to try and back away. She was terrified, did not want to go through all of this pain again. She had been getting better, right? She had proven to herself over the last 6 weeks that she could live without Tina, right?

Her thoughts were not rational though, and Bette did not know that.

Tina, on the other hand, was desperately fighting both for Bette and against Bette. She knew that she had to reach Bette, just did not know how.

Both women were fighting each other, one pushing away, the other desperately pulling them together.

Bette! ***** stop this right now! Tina screamed. Listen to me, just listen to me. Please!

Unlike before, some of Tinas words began to register with Bette. Her actions started to calm a bit, but the fight was still there.

Bette, NO! I said enough! Just ***** listen to me, listen to me!! Tina wildly screamed at Bette.

Bette finally heard some of Tinas words and stopped the struggle. She looked at Tina and saw the tears streaming down her face. She saw the raw emotion and fear on Tinas face and realized, What? What can she possibly have to say?

Tina immediately sensed the change in Bettes demeanor. She took advantage of this calmer Bette and started speaking.

Baby, you are not going anywhere, and you know what? Neither am I. We are done with this Bette. she firmly spoke while lifting Bettes chin to force her to look into Tinas eyes.

I am not going to say that this is going to be easy, but pushing each other away has accomplished neither of us anything. Do you understand what I am saying? she asked while still holding her chin and speaking every word directly into her soul through her eyes.

Bette, this is me. You dont push me away, remember? I made that mistake and am here to try and rectify it. Baby, I nearly killed both of us with that, and no more. No ***** more she tiredly said.

Bette had yet to say anything and Tina was really not sure how much Bette had heard. She looked into Bettes eyes to see if there was at least a flicker of recognition. Recognition of anything, what Tina had said, who Tina has, anything.

Again, what she saw broke her heart.

Bette turned her head away from Tinas grasp and looked at anything, anything but what was in front of her. Tina watched her, afraid of what was to become.

ImIm afraid Bette managed to weakly get out.

Tinas heart, already fragile, continued to weaken. She once again forced Bette to look her in the eye and said softly, Baby, I know. So am I.

Bette said nothing. She just stood there allowing Tina to control the situation. Her eyes were forced to look in Tinas and in them she saw something that she had not seen in a long time.

Hope.

She knew that that was not the emotion coming from her, but she hoped that maybe one of these days, she could get there. She wanted to be strong, for her, for Tina and for them, but knew that there was no strength left in her body at this point.

And quite frankly, she was ok with Tina being in charge, with Tina being in control. She just wanted to let go. Who knows, maybe she had already let go, but for now, it was her time to be lead.

She was not in charge.

And that was ok.