“It’s okay, you know.” I start with, and by start I mean slur.

“What’s that?”

“It’s okay…for you to like him. What’s his face…?”

“Aiden.”

“Whatevs. But yeah, it’s okay.”

“It is?”

“Of course it is. Why didn’t you tell me? I had to hear it from Tom, Dick and Harry first.”

“Because I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“Listen, Spence. This isn’t about me, this is about you. Take me out of this and think about yourself. Find what’ll make you happy and go after it. And if it’s that guy, then great, be with him. Don’t worry about me in the process and don’t hold back, because you’re only going to sacrifice your own happiness by doing so. I want to see you smile, for you to be happy, for me that will be almost enough.” Well that came out not too bad considering my drunken state, but as I finish I can see Spencer has tears drenching her face.

“Oh Ash” she sobs “it would be so much easier if we were lesbians.”

“Apparently these things aren’t supposed to be easy.” I say as I step closer to her and wipe her tears away with the pad of my thumb, and then place a kiss to the spot my thumb was just in. I pull back and give her a soft smile as I walk out of the room to fix myself another drink and head to the balcony.

 I drink my drink and find myself leant on the railings crying my heart out. I don’t know how long I have been doing this but soon I find myself dry heaving from having cried so much. It’s then that Jay comes out with a glass of water that she forces me to drink and pulls me into a hug where I break down yet again.

“I…I…I can’t do this. I…I just…I want to be with her. I love her.” I sob pathetically.

“I know sweetie, I know.”

After I’d calmed down and cleaned my face a bit I carried on with the drinking; the rest of the night is a haze and I’m not quite sure what else happened. I do know this though; I meant what I said to Spencer. I want nothing less than for her to be happy, and if I have to step aside and sacrifice my own happiness for hers then I’ll do it without a second thought, because she’s all that matters to me. If she’s happy, then yes, that will almost be enough for me…almost.