“Aiden and I are going to the shop to get something to eat. Do you want anything Ash?” She asks as she steps out into the garden.

“No, thanks.” I say with the faintest of smiles as I lift my head off the grass.

“Okay, I’ll see you later.” She says with a smile larger than my own. I think she knows I’m trying.

With Spencer and the boy gone Becca takes it upon herself to take me under her and Kyle’s wings as we continue drinking and playing games for a few more hours. We decide to get our sleeping situation sorted out and the three of us head upstairs to grab some pillows, a spare duvet and I take a sleeping bag for myself. The alcohol in me decides it’s best if I get in the sleeping bag at the top of the staircase and surf down the stairs. The lump on my head from the banister concludes that maybe that wasn’t the best thing to do. It’s past 3am by the time Spencer arrives back with the prick. I’m lying on the makeshift bed on the floor next to Kyle while Becca is passed out on the other side of him. As we’re watching some ridiculous middle-of-the-night quiz show Spencer walks into the living room with her hand in his and they make a dive for the empty couch next to Becca. At least with them lying there I know that they won’t be having any sex under the same roof as me. Got to stay positive. However I think I well and truly jinxed myself as the both of them stand up from the couch and make their way up to an empty bedroom, hand in hand. Spencer doesn’t once glance back at me as my gaze follows her. I would usually be the one she’d make her escapes from places with, I’m usually the one she’d be settling down for the night with. I’m not that one anymore. I try to lay my head down and go to sleep, but I know it won’t come. I decide that I don’t want to be around in the morning to witness Spencer emerging from up stairs with him, so I’ll cut my losses now. It’s 5am by this point and almost fully light outside so I whisper to Kyle that I’m just going to head home, he nods and tells me to be safe and that he’ll get Becca to call me when she wakes. I then struggle my way out of the sleeping bag, pull on my shoes and my coat and make my way out the door. I’m barely away from the house when I realise I don’t have any money to get on the bus, so I light a cigarette and continue with the walk home that I’m sure will take me over an hour to complete. I don’t mind though, I’d rather be walking home than awake in that house. I can’t help but start crying on the way home and I’m thankful that at this time of day there are not many people on the streets.

I never did get a phone call or even a text from Spencer to ask where I had disappeared to. Not that I actually thought I would get one.