“Hey what’s wrong?” I ask her as I approach.

“Can we just go home Ash?”

“Of course we can” I say as I wrap an arm around her shoulders and kiss her temple.

As we left, a few of our friends, including Jay, left with us because we were all headed home on the same bus. Spencer walks ahead with a few people while I walk with Jay.

“So when are you gonna tell her?” Jay asks as she looks straight ahead.

“Tell her what?”

“Don’t try it. You know what.” She says as she smiles at me.

“I don’t know. I don’t know if I want to tell her. I mean I just realised it myself. And what if I tell her and it ruins everything. Maybe I just need more time.”

“There’s never going to be an easy time to tell her, you just have to do it. You may have just realised it, but I’ve known it all along. And I don’t think you’re the only one who feels it. So just try and tell her as soon as you can, before it’s too late.”

“Okay Jay, alright. It’s just, argh, it’s terrifying.”

“You’ll be fine, Ashley.” She tries to reassure me with a smile.

We approach everyone waiting at the bus stop and I go to stand next to Spencer. I think about everything Jay’s just said and decide that maybe it would be better telling Spencer sooner rather than later. It’s just it took me a long time to admit to myself that I liked her and I swore I would never let her know that, but then I did, in a round about way. And now I realise I love her and I don’t want to admit that to her, but I know I will.

“Spencer, can I talk to you about something?” I ask her out of nowhere.

“Not now Ashley.” Is all she says to me. Does she know? And what kind of response is that anyway? It’s not gonna put me off though, I have to tell her, before I lose the nerve. But for now we just get on the bus and she sits with her head on my shoulder and her fingers intertwined with mine, which gives me some hope that maybe I will be fine.

We get off the bus and I shout our goodbyes to everyone and walk to the top of Spencer’s street and my feet seem to stop working.

“What’s going on Ashley?”

“I need to talk to you about something.”

“Well what is it?”

“I’m in love with you.” I breathe out as I look into her eyes, a small smile on my lips.

“Why?”

“Because I can’t not be.”

“You can’t be. How can you love me?” She asks in desperation.

“I am. How can I not, Spence? You’re perfect, you’re perfect for me.”

“I don’t want to talk about this right now.” She says as she turns away from me and walks down the street towards her house. I stand where I am, unable to move, the smile thoroughly wiped off of my face. I can’t stop staring at the space in front of me she occupied a few minutes ago. When I realise that’s she’s no longer there my feet decide they can work and I take off running towards her house. I can see her outside approaching the door. “SPENCE!” nothing. “SPENCER!” still nothing. “SPENCER WAIT, PLEASE!” and she goes inside and closes the door as I get there. I touch the door as a tear falls to the ground. That didn’t go well at all. I didn’t think that would actually happen, I thought she would at least talk to me. I drag myself away from her house and begin to walk home, not bothering to hide the tears that won’t stop falling. And tonight is the first time in a long time that I get into bed and cry myself to sleep. I have a feeling it won’t be the last.