Ashley. God, just her name makes my heart beat faster. It’s now been 4 months, and I still don’t have Ashley with me. I would do anything to be with her. Ever since I first found out her 3^rd period was next to mine I would always wait for her. The thing is though that she would either already be there talking to Madison or this other blonde chick named Shelly, or she would be coming as soon as I turned around. That’s changed now. I go to my 3^rd period class the same way, it never changes. I would go through the door next to my biology class. Now, when I saw Ashley, she would go though the main doors in the locker hallway area, but now she has changed her routine. Now, everything I go through the doors ahead of my bio class, she is standing with some friends either right next to the door, or just outside the door. It’s almost like she is waiting for something. Or someone. I try not to dwell on it too much, and just figure she wanted to be closer to her class so she isn’t late. I swear every time I see her my breath catches in my throat and I just wish I could say something, anything to her, but it like I paralyzed, able to move my body, but not my mouth nor think clearly when I see her face. There are moments when I want to just hold her, and others when I just want to kiss her to death. See I think that I’m one of those people that if I don’t see someone for a while, my feelings start to fade away, but when I see them again they come back with a vengeance. That’s what happens when I don’t see her, which is mostly on the weekends because no matter what I always see her wherever I go at school, it almost as if she knows exactly where I am at any given point and time except for lunch since we have different ones. She has A lunch while I have B lunch. I love Ashley, I really do, but not being able to tell her or be with her is killing me, so lunch is my escape. There are times when I think she may feel the same about me like I’ll catch her looking at me, or she will stand somewhere near me. Like last week in P.E. My friend, Kayla and I were playing some basketball. Yeah, basketball, my brother and I play all the time. I was going to tryout, but I was new and couldn’t find the forms until last minute. So I stick to playing it during P.E. and at home. I play pretty good, I have my good and my bad days, but when I have my good days you better watch out. Ky is pretty good, but not really basketball material as she says she just plays for fun. Anyways, Ky and I are playing around just shooting shots. When I see Ashley, or as her friends like to call her Ashy, which I don’t understand at all. She was walking with the red-head, I think his name is Sean, and she walks all the way to where Ky and I are shooting hoops. I thought maybe she was finally going to talk to me, but she just continued walking around the courtyard. As she was passing us I say her turn around and look at me. This continued, she would walk a couple of steps and then look in my direction. I would just stare right back at her watching as she made her way along the courtyard. I made sure nobody saw me, not even Key knew I was gay, my family weren’t very understanding when it came to gay people. I should know my parents don’t exactly talk about gay people except to laugh or joke at them. My sister gets disgusted when she sees two girls kiss. My brother, Glen is probably the worst. Another of my friends, Tiffany, is gay, I know because she told me and some of her friends. I also saw her holding her girlfriends hand during school, I thought it was cute, she is an awesome basketball player, she’s on the JV team. (She’s a freshman also) . Anyways, I was walking out of school with my brother and Tiff was there with her girl, and she waves at me then goes with her girl. They weren’t doing anything, but my brother walks with me an says “You know she’s gay right?“ The I told him, “Yeah, so” Like if that should matter. He just looks at me and turns to walk again. Then we’re playing basketball outside and he brings up Tiff again and says, “ Why are you hanging out with her, she’s gay.“ To say I wasn’t shocked because my brother is the most ignorant person I know. I just said “…and so what if she’s gay.“ He then responds, “ We, you’re going to be gay, too.“ Like it was wrong to be gay, to be with someone of the same sex, it made me sick to think that he was my brother. I just smiled sadly and thought, I’m already gay, didn’t need Tiff to make me realize that. I just continued our game like if nothing had happened. So, I keep my feelings inside until I’m ready to reveal them. She has me completely captivated, I looked at her until she was out of my sight, breathing the air that had been caught in my throat this whole time. I couldn’t wait until I could call her mine, and be with her. To tell her I love her, that I need her, and I would do anything for her.