She grabs my face between her hands, pulling me in for the kind of kiss that feels too good to exist in such an unforgiving world. Her teeth catch my bottom lip again and again as she kisses me hard, pressing me against the freezer door.

“Whoa…hey, I don’t mean to interrupt.”

And then I finally notice my sister standing in the archway of the kitchen, her eyebrow raised and arms crossed.

“Kyla, hi!” Spencer says, running over to envelop her in a tight hug. Sometimes I forget that in a way she belongs to Kyla as much as she belongs to me.

“Spence…hey,” Kyla answers hesitantly, glancing over Spencer’s shoulder to stare at me. I know she’s wondering if everything is resolved…if she can hug her friend and not feel like she’s betraying me somehow. I nod at her and smile and finally she pulls Spencer against her and completes the embrace.

“I’ve missed you so much,” Spencer says, pulling away.

“I’ve missed you too. We should…you know, when you’re not…we should hang out soon.”

“Of course. Soon, you know? I’ll be around.”

“I don’t want to be a third wheel or anything,” Kyla says, still looking at me.

“You know you’re never a third wheel. I just have to find a way to have my Kyla time and my Ashley time.”

“Yeah, this won’t be weird at all,” Kyla says, rolling her eyes.

I’m almost worried that she might be serious. Spencer was her best friend way before she was my girlfriend. I wouldn’t ever want to come between them. Their relationship is essential to life as the way I know it. They’ve been friends forever.

“It won’t. It’ll be great,” Spencer says with an optimistic smile.

Spencer and I lie in bed, listening to the sound of the summer rain interacting with the glass of my windows and everything is at it should be. As it should’ve been months and months ago. My room is dark and yet everything is so clear and so visually easy that it makes no scientific sense.

I know she’s awake. Her eyes are wide open and her fingers are lazily playing with a strand of my hair, but we haven’t talked for several minutes. Finally no words are necessary and there’s no need to say what we can’t physically. Instead there’s that nearly spiritual sense of calm that washes over you when you know you’ve finally reached an important destination despite yourself and your desire for self-sabotage.

“I can’t forget about Kyla,” she says suddenly.

I turn slightly inward so that I can see her face, “What do you mean?” I ask, quietly, though I already know exactly what she means because I feel it too.

“She’s my best friend. I love her. And I love you too, but she…”

“I know.”

“She’s the one constant thing that I still believe in.”

“I know.”

“I’m serious.”

“I know.”

She nods and kisses me on my forehead.

“Spence?”

“Yeah?”

“I know how much she means to you. I know how important that relationship is for you and I’d never ask you to choose or demand something that’s hers, ok?”

“I know,” she says, and our roles are reversed.

“She’s my sister.”

“I remember,” she says with a grin.

“Good.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“This won’t be a problem, right?” she asks, honestly.

“Of course not,” I reply, needing it to be true.