Half of me was relieved.  Finally, people would know that I wasn’t the only one hurting.  The other half of me hurt because she did.  She is still so much apart of me that it hurts.  Very conveient that the next comercial was for the Jordan Sparks CD.  "You’re still apart of everything I do.  You’re on my heart just like a tattoo."  Thanks Jordan.  In my thinking, I’d forgotten about Jessica.

"You ok?"  She ask knocking me out of my thoughts.

"I really don’t know."  I say.

"Spence, I’m sorry that you’re hurting.  If you want to talk, I’m here."  She said putting her arm around me.

"I know, and you have no idea how much I appreciate that."  I rest my head on her shoulder.

"So, what do you think the big announcement is?"  Jessica ask.

"With Ashley, you never know."  She says.

"I know.  She is totally like buying an island to move on all alone because she doesn’t feel worth of being on the same continent as you.  Or, she’s pregnant.  No, she’s gay.  Wait, she’s going to use her money made to invent a way for gay women to have a baby that is biologically both of theirs."  She’s smiling, and I’m laughing hard.  That had to be the craziest thing that I have ever heard, but it made me laugh.

We were taken out of our snickers by the show coming back on.

"So, what is the big announcement, Ashley?"

"I’m not making any more albums."  She said simply.

The audience, Jessica, the host, and myself all gasp.

"What?"  The host asked.

"I picked my career over the girl I love.  Now, I can’t deal with it.  I’m opening my own record company.  I want to find talent and produce music for them.  I just can’t sit behind another microphone in a studio to sing my songs knowing how bad I hurt her."  That is all she says before she starts to cry.  She’s crying hard, and she walked off the stage.

Jessica just looks at me.  "Wow."  She says.

"Yeah, wow.  Now she picks a time to make a decision."  I say.

"So, that’s it?  You’re going back to her?" She ask sounding hurt.

"No, it’s too late for that.  I told her that if she picked her career, it was over forever.  She picked.  Changing now isn’t going to have a whole lot of affect on me."  I said trying to convince her and myself that it was true.

"Ok, but I’ve gotta go home to get ready for work.  Call me if you need me."  She kissed me softly on the lips.

"Ok.  Call me when you get off."  I said to her before she left.

I didn’t really know what to do.  My mind was going in four different directions.  Half of me wanted to cry because I still love Ashley.  Half of me wanted to jump around because Ashley finally made the choice I wanted her to.  Another half wanted me to forget it and be happy with Jessica.  The last half of me wanted to run around in circles.  So, I did the only thing that made sense.

I grabed a bottle of wine.  I sat at my computer, and I downloaded her new CD.  The rest of the night I drank while she sang me songs about how she broke my heart.