"I’m not talking in terms of blame, here–" Kerry sighed deeply, rubbed the ever-deepening furrow between her brows and looked at him, dropping all pretense of employee and supervisor. "I know you’re angry with her, John."

"And you’re not?" he shot back

"No," she answered, having no simple explanation for the miasma of feelings and sensations that Kim evoked in her, even now. Even when she belonged to someone else.

"Why not?"

"It’s none of your business," she replied evenly. "And it’s none of the hospital’s. It doesn’t belong here, John." Not exactly true, but close enough to her manner of functioning day in and day out with Kim close enough to touch. Truth be told, it was freeing in a way. Everyone in the ER was busily imagining her lean-bodied ex-lover entwined with someone that wasn’t her– in all sorts of illicit embraces that might or might not be happening– but their prurience was Kerry’s freedom. For it granted her the ability to look upon Kim in a way that she had never been able to in the hospital before– as a carnal creature– and take pleasure in that existence. Small comfort for knowing that Kim was spending her nights with Abby Lockhart– and she tortured herself enough lonely evenings to have a good idea of what those nights might look like– but comfort nonetheless. And she took it wherever she could find it these days.

Exhausted brown eyes reflected upon her as he shook his head slowly. "Then maybe you’re a bigger person than I am. Or something. It’s not that easy for me."

"I’m not saying it’s easy, John. Just that it has to be done."

"Why?"

"Because she’s a damn good doctor that County can’t afford to lose. And so are you."

"You suggesting my job’s at stake here?"

"No… not over this. But you can’t keep going on like this." Not telling him that she feared for his sobriety in the wake of all that had happened in the last few weeks.

"I’m going to meetings almost every night," he admitted, as if knowing the trajectory of her thoughts.

"I’m glad to hear it."

"But…" He shook his head again. "It’s just not enough. I can’t…." His hands flexed in a random effort to grasp that which eluded him. "I don’t understand."