“Please, the next time you decide to… I don’t know lay me out why don’t you let me know ahead of time.” She said with a smirk and walked off.

The next bell rang and I sat in class staring at the wall. Time slowly dissipated and my memories tormented me. The past was catching up and I wasn’t sure how much longer my façade would last. The silent screams seemed to slowly seep through the cracks and my mind grew more confused between the present and the past. I wish I could erase the parts of my life like Jim Carrey in the Eternal Sunshine in the Spotless Mind but I can’t. The memories dwell in me and resurface to tear me apart piece by piece. There was never a time when I was completely happy, but there were times when I was content.

I looked up at the clock and realized there was an hour left of class. I raised my hand and asked if I could use the bathroom. The next thing I know I’m in the bathroom and I couldn’t stop them. I tried so hard but I couldn’t, the tears trickled down my face. As they rushed down my face I heard someone come in. All at once I’m normal again, there were no traces of tears. I opened the door and once again my eyes meet hers, but there was something wrong with her. I knew I did not know her but I needed to know what was going on. “Hey what’s wrong with you,” I asked. She looked at me and waited. “I know you don’t know me or probably don’t even like me but I hope you are alright.” With that I left the bathroom.

I get back to the room and there was about twenty minutes left of class. I wait the time out, finally the bell rings. Great where the fuck I am going to seat for lunch. I scanned the area someone was waving at me. Who the fuck is that, I wait a second to make sure it’s me there are waving at. Yep that’s me alright, I walk over there carefully.

“Hey,” she says. “Hello, do I know you,” I asked her. She laughed and tells me no. “I’m Sophie.” I shake her hand and tell her my name. I not entirely sure what I think of Sophie, it’s not that I’m insecure, I just you know don’t seem to trust people that well. She seemed alright but a part of me didn’t understand why she would be so nice. I shake my thoughts and go along with the conversation.

“So what have you seen of L.A?” she asked me. I was blunt and told her nothing except this awesome school. I stressed every syllable in awesome letting her hear my sarcasm. She laughed again and said, “Why not, there is so much to see.”  I smiled and told her I didn’t have time. Next thing I know I’m being dragged into a car. “What the hell are you doing?” I asked her.

“Well what does it look like I’m doing huh, I’m kidnapping you,” I laugh at her and simply tell her okay. We go everywhere Hollywood Blvd, Sunset Blvd, West Hollywood, and Santa Monica. I’m glad as a kidnapper she didn’t kill me. The day wasn’t horrific at all.

“So how was your day,” she asked me I look at her and just smile. “I need to get home, thanks though.” I tell her. She dropped me off and I opened my door to see my father. “Hey Ash, how was your day?” He asked. There was something in his voice that made gulp, but I couldn’t gather what it was yet.

The next thing I know is he’s hugging me. This made me nervous and uncomfortable, growing up I never conveyed any affection towards people. “Let go please.” I told him trying to hide the pain in my voice but I don’t think I succeeded. I ran upstairs and turn my IPod on. The  lyrics flowed into ear. P.O.D’s Going in Blind soothed over.

This life not like you wanted it.
His eyes I can see again, I need you here.
In your mind nobody’s listening.
It’s alright

Just breath again…
Time after time I walk the fine line,
But something keeps bringing me back.
Time after time I’m going in blind,
I don’t know which way I need to go…

Feels like your world is caving in
And I cry, failing to understand,
I wish I can…
It’s alright if you’re missing him,
In his eyes you can live again,
Free within!

As I listen to the song, emotions override me and I start to cry again. “Time after time I walk the fine line, but something keeps bringing me back.” The words correlated with my life, something always brought me back to the past.