Talise leaves her face blank and barely grits her teeth at all, replying, "I think that he is homely and perspicuous."

"I’m so glad that you’re feeling so comfortable with him," my mother gushes. "I know he’s so excited to be coming to dinner tonight."

Nostrils flaring at either the overuse of "so" or the thought of David’s arrival, Talise says in a precise, formal tone, "I would gladly abjure his presence in my vicinity at all times for I find it enervating and fulsome."

Let’s make this clear: I did not understand a word of that.

At that moment, the doorbell rings and my mother rushes off to answer it, squealing, "That’ll be him!"

Talise rubs her face in exasperation. "Why me?" she asks the ceiling.

I take the liberty of answering for the inanimate object, "Because the world hates your guts."

Before Talise can even finish rolling her eyes, David pops in like a bunny rabbit on steroids. Energizer should sue him for copyright infringement. "Hello, Tali."

"Hello, David."

"You should call me Dave, Tali. All my friends do," he offers brightly.

"I’ll keep that in mind, David." The light above us flickers.

After several tedious minutes of one-sided small talk, Talise and I manage to slip away into a corner of the red room. Noticing our Solitaire game left on the coffee table, I return to our earlier spot on the scarlet sofa and absently study the cards. There is no Ace of Clubs for the Two. My former partner seems to have given up and curls up on the rocking chair.

"Thank god for Ben’s inability to be graceful," I announce, examining the cards for a Four of Hearts. Apparently, the only way to get rid of David is to have a clumsy person trip over their own feet and dump a gallon of cranberry juice all over his clean white shirt.

"Thank god for Ben’s obsession with cranberry juice," Talise says, following my previous statement.

"How can anyone be that dense?" I wonder aloud. What admissions officer would allow David Plum into their school? And why does the Six of Diamonds have to be on top of the Seven of Diamonds?

Talise broods for a moment. "He’s trying to get a rise out of me. I don’t think he’s really that thick."

The thought had never occurred to me that it might be a big joke to David. I scrutinize Talise’s face to see that it has darkened. "Is that a good thing?" I question tentatively. Where’s the King of Hearts? If I could just move that Queen off the Ten of Spades.

"No. If anything it makes me want to strangle him even more." She pauses, and I feel like there’s more she’ll say so I wait. "But, of course, that would be a reaction which means he wins. Conversely, he’s slowly driving me off the deep end."

Calling up one of Talise’s favorite sayings, I recite, "No one can drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys."

"What if they hotwired your car?" Suddenly, I remember a commercial. "H-O-T-W-I-R-E, hotwire.com," I sing. "No, don’t start," Talise moans. "Besides that’s a travel website, right?"

"Yeah, you need to book a flight that goes ‘off the deep end,’" I inform her like it’s obvious.

Completing an eye roll, Talise mutters, "I’ll win this though. Idiot doesn’t know what he’s dealing with." Peering at her from over my unruly cards (I’m glaring at the Three of Clubs in the hope that it will turn into a Five), I raise my eyebrows. Where did that come from? "You know, as long as I don’t jump off a cliff first."

I snicker at her last words. Wait—Three of Clubs? Wasn’t there a Two of Clubs over there? "Yes!"

Talise jerks up, startled, "Huh?"

In a couple of minutes, I have four neat piles from Ace through King stacked in front of me. And just like that, the cards fall into place.