“Come with me to the piers?” I suggested, thinking that we should just talk now. She nodded and followed me. We went under the piers, actually, where it was more private. I sat down on the sand, and Ashley did the same. I grabbed a stick and started nervously tracing lines into the sand. Ashley sighed and simply stared at the waves. My heart was racing, my palms were sweating. I searched for the right words to say, not wanting to hurt her in anyway. I prayed that I wouldn’t say anything I would regret. “Alright, Ash, I just wanted to talk about what’s going on with you and me.” I started. “Last night, I- …” She cut me off, saying “Look, Spencer I know what you’re gonna say, that you regret what we did last night, how it was ‘wrong’ and how you love Aiden and how stuff like that can never happen again.” She spat angrily, starting to get up. I pulled her down by the wrist. “No, Ash, that’s not what I was gonna say!” I protested.

                “What I was going to say was that, I’m confused after last night. I mean, yes, I do regret having cheated on Aiden, but, I do feel something for you, Ash, I wanted it just as badly as you did last night!” Ashley looked at me suspiciously with a raised eyebrow. “And..?” “And I don’t understand what this,  I don’t know, this attraction I have for you is all about, but I do know that I like you, Ash. What scares me is that I’m in love with Aiden, but I’m also attracted to you, but then that would mean I’m not straight. I don’t look at girls, and I’ve never been attracted to even one before you. I also need to know ‘where’ we are from here.” Ashley was silent for several painstaking moments before she spoke.

                “Spencer, I know just as little as you know about why you feel something for me, and what’s up with your orientation, but I do know that I want you. I’m glad you feel something for me, because I’ve been pining for you so much lately. You can figure out who you are, about your orientation, about your feelings for me, everything, if you will just be with me.” She replied, a hint of desperation in her voice when it came to me being with her. “Ash, how can I be with you, I’m with Aiden.” Ashley put her hand on top of mine and looked into my eyes. “Of course you can be with me, Spence. Just unofficially, or just without Aiden knowing.” I widened my eyes in shock. “Ash, are you asking me what I think you’re asking me?” She silenced my worries with a soft kiss. I felt butterflies in my stomach, and was instantly quieted by the sweet taste of her lips. I could taste the blueberry muffin she had earlier, and I felt her tongue establish dominance over mine in our mouths. Once we broke apart, I was left breathless by her.

                All I knew was that I wanted her, too. “So, you mean you can be my secret gay lover?” I asked in a suggestive voice. “Well, for now. Until you figure things out, Spencer. I need you.” She whispered into my ear before lying down on top of me. I giggled, stroking her hair. The sun shined brightly down on her bronze colored skin while she kissed me all over my face and neck. For now, things would be somewhat ok. Ashley, my secret gay lover. Sounds kind of nice, I thought. For the briefest moment, I almost thought she whispered “I love you” into my ear while she nibbled softly on my earlobe. But when I asked her what she just said, she just grunted “I didn’t say anything.”