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    Project New Girl – (Chapter: Clarification)

    Story written on February 16, 2007 by bannerman.
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    Genre(s): N/A
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    Number of Comments: 12
    Words: 2191
    Story Shortlink: https://assertive-maroon-jellyfish.104-250-143-187.cpanel.site/?p=13508
    Author Notes:

    read it!

    I was wrong in assuming that someone else’s love would ‘complete’ me, and I learnt that as soon as Spencer came and went from my life and my bed.  I realised that to truly love someone and to be genuinely loved back, you had to be able to maybe not love yourself, but at least have respect for yourself.  You had to be willing to sacrifice it all and take a risk, to not be worried about the consequences and being ‘wrong’ or hurt.  You just had to live and let yourself feel the pain along with the pleasure… and for years I hadn’t allowed myself to.

    And then Spencer waltzed back into my life and suddenly I could feel once again.  Granted at first all I felt was hurt and anger, but soon the initial shock subsided and I let myself see that I still loved Spencer, and that I shouldn’t be ashamed of myself for admitting it.  So, there were consequences to being honest?  So what!?  At least through being honest you can possibly get what you want and need, and if not then gain some closure, enough to start moving on.

    I looked back up at Spencer, seeing that she’d come to a halt with her work and was eyeing me intently.  I gazed into the blue of her eyes, seeing a warmth in them that I’d never seen in anyone else’s as they looked back into mine.

    “You okay?” she asked gently.

    I nodded.  “Just thinking.”

    “About anything in particular?” she quirked an eyebrow for amusement’s sake, but I knew she was genuinely concerned.

    “Just that you help me like myself,” I admitted, not quite realising I’d said it aloud.

    She remained silent, thinking about what it was that I’d said and what it meant.

    “You didn’t like yourself before?” she finally asked, carefully.

    “I hated myself,” I admitted, trying to avoid direct eye contact.

    “Why?” she asked, a hand snaking out from between a few sheets of paper and reaching out to gently hold my own.

    “I’ve done some pretty fucked up things,” I admitted, “but you help me accept the past and move on.”

    “How do I?” she asked.  I was perceptive enough to notice she was going all psychotherapist on me, but I didn’t mind it.  It was nice to have it all in the open and to be so easily prompted by someone I cared so much about.

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    Comments

    2. Just tell her the truth Ashley! She may be pissed but at least you can say that you told her the truth. These two are so freaking cute together. I’m just ready for them to hook up already. I’m still trying to be positive and not assume the worst is going to happen but I can’t help but think this will all backfire on Ashley. Positive thoughts, I can do it. pms.

    4. Just tell her the truth Ashley! She may be pissed but at least you can say that you told her the truth. These two are so freaking cute together. I’m just ready for them to hook up already. I’m still trying to be positive and not assume the worst is going to happen but I can’t help but think this will all backfire on Ashley. Positive thoughts, I can do it. pms.

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