I reached into my pocket and pulled out a crumpled $20 bill and slid it across the bar. I couldn’t hear a damn thing but the music. The music was so loud, I could feel the bass from the speaker shake the bartop as I rested my head on it. I felt a cool glass slide into my hand. I didn’t even care what had been poured inside. I took the shot down, it stung my throat, but I was used to it. I set the glass down and closed my eyes and felt the rhythm of the music vibrate off of my body. Soon another glass was in my hand and I downed the drink. It went down smoother this time. And got smoother each time after. The music began to sound softer. I sat up as I took another drink and swayed to the beat. My eyes forced shut, the alcohol taking it’s toll on my body, working with the music to lull me to sleep. I rested my head back down on the cool bar top forgetting why I was even here. But then it came floating back. All of it.

"You can’t do this to me! Not now! I have no one else!" I screamed. My eyes burned with tears, but she would not be the one to make me cry. Not this time. I forced them back. She glared into me.
"Why do you have to be so selfish?! Do you think I wanted this?!!" she screamed at me, pointing at her chest.
"I’m being selfish? You don’t think we could work this out? You just want to run away from it? That won’t solve anything, Laura!!" I yelled. The tears were still in my eyes. I choked them back, anger taking over the sadness.
"Why can’t you just be with me?" I asked. "Why can’t you just be with me and not be scared?!"
"I don’t have a choice, Ashley." She said looking down, her voice calmer than before, filled more with regret than ever.
"I need my family. And you know I need you. But I can’t. Not anymore.." she sat down shaking her head.
"But what we have. We can’t just….just throw it away." I said. The anger had left my voice too. I sat down beside her and tried to look at her but she turned away.
"You don’t understand. I was always happy with you. Always. But my parents saw us, together, and I can’t be happy anymore. Even if I were to stay with you. You know how they are. And I wish it wasn’t that way, but they are my family. And I can’t be without them. I can’t. I need them." she said, still looking away, a single tear shed, but she wiped it away quickly.
"And you don’t need me?! Well I need you, Lo. I can’t just up and forget everything!" I raised my voice, but regretted it seeing another tear fall down her cheek. She turned to me, avoiding eye contact looking at her hands instead. Her breath shuddered as she inhaled. She looked up at me, slowly, her eyes burning into mine.
"I need you, too. But I can’t. I can’t do this anymore." her tears began to flow. Not bothering to wipe them away she continued,
"It hurts me, ok? I don’t want to leave you. But I can’t keep doing this. I need them, Ashley, they are my family. You have to understand. I will never love anyone the way I love you. The way that I love you. Not ‘loved’. I can’t and I won’t stop loving you. I will live the rest of my life knowing that you were the one. But I can’t be with you. And I’m sorry." and with that, she kissed me. Her lips touching mine for the last time. I leaned into her, wanting it to last for eternity. Her hand slid around my neck and she pulled me even closer, deeping the kiss, our tongues exploring one another. I lost all feeling. No anger, no sadness, no lonliness. No love. She pulled away resting her forhead on mine. Her eyes burned into me. I felt a tear fall and before I could catch it, she wiped it away.