I can still remember that Friday night. If you were to ask me the exact positions of his hands at all times, I could tell you. It wasn’t just a casual night. Needless to say, I was a third wheel, brought into the situation by my weakness for this girl. But at the end of the night, it wasn’t that he was touching her that hurt the most. Oh no, what hurt the most was that when I looked in her eyes, I saw something light up. This guy had managed to come in out of nowhere and make Spencer happy. She liked him and it hurt. Yeah, I know this is the most selfish thing in the world to say. I mean I should be glad she’s just happy right? But I wasn’t.

I can still remember that Friday night. If you were to ask me the exact positions of his hands at all times, I could tell you. It wasn’t just a casual night. Needless to say, I was a third wheel, brought into the situation by my weakness for this girl. But at the end of the night, it wasn’t that he was touching her that hurt the most. Oh no, what hurt the most was that when I looked in her eyes, I saw something light up. This guy had managed to come in out of nowhere and make Spencer happy. She liked him and it hurt. Yeah, I know this is the most selfish thing in the world to say. I mean I should be glad she’s just happy right? But I wasn’t.

I thought he would come and go, like a faze. But this faze lasted out many others. Soon enough, he was always around and if he wasn’t, he was the center of our entire conversations. I thought I was actually losing it at one point in time. No matter what I did, I was never going to be able to make her as happy as he could. I hate feeling so god damn hopeless that you fall into that desperate state, and even though you absolutely fucken hate it and it does nothing at all, you can’t help but cry. I watched too many tears fall on too many occasions. None of them seemed to be controlled. Everyone came harder than the last. I thought it wouldn’t get any worse than having to have him around all the time, but it did. But the worst part about it was that the more the situation went to sheer and utter hell, the more my addiction seemed to grow. My craves came stronger, but it became harder and harder to fufill them the closer I got to her. Because I knew no matter how close I got to her, I could never have her. I could never have my drug.