“Plans change Spencer. This-this is what I’ve wanted my whole life and you just-you can’t run away like this”

**Final boarding call to Tampa, Florida**

Picking up her carry on from her feet. “I have to go Spencer. Please tell me that you will be here for me when I return.”

“I-I’m sorry Ashley. I can’t tell you that right now.” Trying to hold the unshed tears she pulls out a folded piece of paper from her back pocket. She places a lingering kiss on the envelope and places it in my hands and turns to leave. “I’ve-I have to go. I can’t-just-I love you, always-Bye Ashley.”

To say I broke down is an understatement. I barely made it to my seat my eyes were clouded and tears covered my face the entire flight. Thank God there wasn’t anyone seated next to me. I don’t think I could deal with having to try using words and making them seem coherent at that point. Tried to open the paper she handed me but I couldn’t see the words clear enough but I seemed to make out a few words…lyrics.

Opening the letter the words come falling back into my head.

The smell of your skin lingers on me now
You’re probably on your flight back to your home town
I need some shelter of my own protection baby
Be with myself and center clarity, peace, Serenity

I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you, it’s personal
Myself and I, we’ve got some straightening out to do
And I’m gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I’ve got to get a move on with my life
It’s time to be a big girl now
And big girls don’t cry

The path that I’m walking I must go alone
I must take the baby steps til I’m full grown
Fairytales don’t always have a happy ending do they
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay

But it’s time for me to go…home

That house was never the same again. Everything was cold and held no warm fuzzy feelings like they used to the second I stepped into it again after I returned from the tour a few months later. With all the touring and crazy life I was living I didn’t have time to spend drawing in sorrow but back where my past lay in that big empty house, I had nowhere to run.

——————–
Song used:
Big Girls Don’t Cry-Fergie