“Never stopped you before.” These words were said with a bit more bite, although her eyes never moved from the window.

“I’m sorry. I was confused before, with everything that was happening all at once. And I was afraid too… Aiden, he just caught me off guard-“ Her little apology speech was cut short by the sharp interruption from her blonde counterpart.

“Yeah, I’m impressed you’ve managed to fit me into your Aiden schedule. Seemed he had you pretty booked up today.” Her head had finally turned, eyes meeting for the first time since the shooting.

“Don’t Spencer. You know that’s not how it is.” She lifted her hand, rubbing her forehead. She felt like she was on the verge of having a nervous breakdown. “I love you. Only you and no one else. Aiden is like a brother to me, but that’s it. What you and I have together is infinitely more important to me.”

It was everything Spencer had wanted to hear. But there was only one problem… “Ashley I…” Spencer hesitated, she knew the damage her words were going to cause and was trying to place them carefully, “Ash, there was a time when that was all I ever wanted from you. Now, it’s just not enough. Your too late.” Spencer was trying her best to look as strong as possible, which is hard when your chin is trembling and your stuck in a hospital bed.

“It doesn’t have to be! Just tell me what you want from me. Jesus, I’ll do anything Spencer, I swear to you. What do you want?” She was frantic now, she knew what was happening. The tears had finally spilled and were making tracks down her cheeks. Why was it too late. It’s never too late for love, for forgiveness. Spencer couldn’t possibly just stop loving her that quickly.

“Can’t you see how much you’ve hurt me!” Spencer shouted, voice cracking. She hadn’t meant to say that, but watching Ashley plead with her was like putting her heart in a paper shredder.

“And I hate myself for that. I hate myself so much.” She was whispering now, a large contradiction to the escalating voice of the bed struck girl. She moved closer, resting a palm on the cool metal of the rail beside the bed. Spencer’s eyes were stuck on hers and she was unwilling to break the gaze. She loathed herself for allowing things to get to this point. The point where the person she loved most was afraid to let her in because she had screwed with her head to that degree. It was deplorable.

“I’m not who I used to be Ash… I can’t deal with all of this drama anymore. I need to take a break from you and get out of your life, so that I can have a chance to figure out mine.” She took a sharp intake of breath, feeling a pain in her chest. It was ironic she had a wound just above  her heart, because it felt ever so appropriate that that little organ in her chest should need stitching. “You said you’d do anything for me right? Then do this for me, just go.”

Ashley was  finally the one who tore apart their locked stare, and it was only because she needed to wipe her eyes. This was what Spencer really wanted. Yet another person she cared about was going to be alienated from her life. She was starting to see a bit of a disturbing trend going on here, “You don’t hate me?” She implored, sounding pitiful but not being able to help it.

“I wish I could.” Spencer replied, and although it sounded like a cold statement, there was such heart behind her words that they became a comfort to Ashley. And it was true. Things could be incredibly easier if she could just hate Ashley. But no, she had a sinking feeling that not only could she never become bitter towards the brunette, but her constant concern for her well being was probably a permanent effect. It was tempting to wish they’d never met, but even Spencer wasn’t rueful enough to go to such lengths to wipe her slate clean.

Soothed by those four words, Ashley turned and shuffled solemnly towards the door that lead towards the hall. Pausing momentarily in the frame, she made a simple deal with herself. If Spencer is watching me leave, I know she still cares. Glancing over her shoulder she found those blue eyes were glue to her. Attempting a weak smile she gave a little wave good bye, mouthing the words ‘LOVE YOU ALWAYS’ soundlessly before slipping effortlessly into the hallway.