Tuesday morning I told myself I couldn’t put it off any longer. The thought had been eating at me since my call with Natalie. Tonight, I promised myself. You can only run away from your demise for so long. It’s bound to catch up to somewhere along the line, and punch you in the gut.

I was a ghost throughout the day. Few words escaped my lips. I could see Ashley seemed to be growing with concern but I couldn’t get out of my head. It was just like before. Once I start slipping I just continue to fall until I hit rock bottom. During lunch I listened to my ipod the entire time. My play list consisted of my most depressing songs. Every one relinquished pain that I harbor in my memory. Sixth hour I had with Ashley. The first ten minutes of class I just stared out the window. I couldn’t think of anything to say, and I didn’t really feel like talking much anyways. Once and awhile I’d completely zone out, and I’d feel like crying. I’d snap out of it just before I let it get the best of me. Ashley had been watching my isolation tactic all day. I guess she decided she’d had enough of the silence so she took action.

“Spencer what is up with you today?” Ashley asked.

“Nothing,” I responded distantly.

“Then why haven’t you said practically anything today?” Ashley asked getting frustrated by my answer.

“I’m fine,” I assured her.

“Spence seriously I’m here for you. You know that right?” “You can talk to me.”

“I’m alright,” I replied shakily. I couldn’t tell her why I was stressed to call my brother in the first place, and any confrontation about it was going to end with me in tears. Crying was not on the top of my to do list in public. So I used my only strategy left. I lied.

“Are you sure?” Ashley asked not convinced. “I might sound like a broken record player, but seriously you can talk to me.”

“I’m okay,” I insisted looking past her.

“Fine, but if you ever need us don’t be afraid to talk to me,” Ashley assured me. I nodded my head.

“I know,” I lied. I was so petrified of talking to her it wasn’t even funny.