As she made the long drive her mind reflected on her life over the past few years.  What a difference 5 years make.  She knew everything that happened was due to choices she made, but knowing that doesn’t make it any better.  A few months after that night as she has come to call it, her life would never be the same.  Her world came crashing down around her and she had no one to blame but herself.  

When the news broke of their split she was looking at the bottom of a Jose bottle.  She’d been living in the penthouse for the past 2 months.  Trying anything she could do to get Ashley to talk to her, to listen, to apologize.  But she got nothing, no hi, bye, fuck off, she was cut off completely from the silence and grew angry.  How many times did I listen to her when she would fuck up, let her apologize, take her back and she can’t even let me try, fuck her.  She’d reason with herself.

A week after the media frenzy started over their break up she spent the weekend hauled up in her hotel room.  She had called room service several times over the weekend to bring her more alcohol.  She was found passed out on the bed, the bar completely emptied out.  When she wouldn’t wake an ambulance was called.  She was rushed to the hospital and had to have her stomach pumped, she was suffering from an overdose mixing alcohol and medications.  This incident made headline news around the world.  The media reported she attempted suicide, but was incorrect. This was the beginning of her self-destruction. 

She would be photographed completely inebriated at clubs, being escorted out by a different woman every time, several times a week.  Hotel staff would leak to the press the abundant amount of empty liquor bottles cleaned from her room on a daily bases.  Not a day went by that she wasn’t drunk.  She simply didn’t care about anything.  All she knew for sure was she didn’t hurt when she was drinking.  She didn’t have to deal with her reality when she drank, and that’s how she wanted it.  She knew what the public was saying, she didn’t care.  Her family tried getting through to her but she wouldn’t have anything to do with them and cut herself off from them.  Nothing mattered to her anymore and the only thing that did matter would have nothing to do with her.  The one person that could have stopped her from spiraling even further down, to save her from herself still would have nothing to do with her.