“You made banana pancakes,” Ashley said, and small smile slowly appeared across her face. 

“I know how much you like them,” Spencer replied.  She paused for a moment and then continued slowly.  “Ash, I really think we have both changed since last June, even since the beginning of this school year.  And that’s why I came over last night – I want to be here with you.” Spencer paused to make sure she chose her next words very carefully.  “And I love you and I will probably always love you…However…Ash, you broke my heart.  My brother died and instead of being there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry on, or even someone with whom I could be with to escape the reality of losing my brother, you…you disappeared on me.  You didn’t even call for three months.  Three months, Ash. It felt like you took my heart in your hands, threw it on the floor, ran over it with a steamroller, and then used one of those onion choppers to sever it into a million pieces.”  Tears formed at the corners of Spencer’s eyes. 

“Spencer, I…” Ashley attempted, and then hesitated, not knowing what to say.

“No, I’m not done yet,” Spencer continued, and Ashley nodded in acquiescence.  “If you want to be with me, if you want to this to work, we need to start fresh.  And I need you to promise me two things.  I need to you promise me that if you ever feel that you can’t be there for me, you’ll tell me first.  I need you to promise me that if you find yourself attracted to someone else and wanting to explore that attraction, you’ll tell me first.  If you can promise me these two things, I believe I can be with you again.  Otherwise, what happened last night…well, it can’t happen again.”

Ashley took a depth breath.  “Spencer, what I did to you last June – disappearing on you – it was horrible and I hate myself for doing that to you.  Not a day has gone by that I didn’t think about what I did to you…Spence, I love you and I want to begin making it up to you.”  Ashley looked down at her food and then looked back at Spencer.  “I want to ask you a question and I’m nervous about your answer.”

“What is it, Ash?”

“If I promise what you ask and I find I’m attracted to someone and I tell you about it…you’ll break up with me, won’t you?”  Ashley stopped and looked into Spencer’s eyes.   She could feel the tears forming in her own.  “And if I break the promise, you’ll never want to speak to me again, will you? 

Spencer reached over and took Ashley’s hand her in own.  She looked down at their hands, and said, “Ash, if you keep your promises, and you come to me first, we would be able to talk about it and see if…well, if we can figure out how to get through it…together.  But…if you break your promise,” Spencer looked up at her best friend and continued, “No, Ash, I would never be able to speak to you again.”

Ashley, a single tear falling down her right cheek, looked at their hands intertwined on the table, and then looked back at Spencer.  “And if I can’t make these promises, could…could we still be friends?” 

“Best friends,” Spencer whispered. 

“I…,” Ashley’s voice cracked and she coughed.  “I want to be with you, Spence.  I can’t imagine my life without you.  I want to promise you…I promise you that if I ever don’t think I can’t be there for you…and if I am attracted to someone and want to explore it, I’ll tell you first.”  Ashley felt the tears streaming down her cheek.  “I can’t lose you again, Spencer.”

Spencer leaned over to Ashley and kissed the tears on her cheek, then moved her lips to Ashley’s and they kissed.  The kiss was long and soft.  Their tongues lingered together.  Ashley broke their kiss and leaned her forehead against Spencer’s.

“I love you, Ash,” Spencer whispered. 

Ashley felt the tears run down her face.  She didn’t bother to wipe them away.